To think a 5 year shouldn't be allowed so much freedom.

[yayayahey]

So we went to a kids party on the weekend and the birthday child and two of her friends (she was 5, other kids 6 and 5) were playing 5 minutes from the house on the sea wall.

You couldn't see them from the house and her Dad said "she spends hours at a time down there, it's great she can have the freedom."

I hate being that judgey parent but was so surprised I said "my God do you think that's safe?!" and had the two parents (very gently and nicely) lecturing me on how kids need freedom and I needed to loosen up when ds (3.5) got a little older.

A number of things could have happened to her. She could slip (good 10 foot drop) and smash her head, she call fall in the ocean and drown, or god forbid somebody could take her. It's a a very naice seaside town but still, it can happen anywhere.

I really wasn't being unreasonable in thinking a 5 year old shouldn't be playing out alone for hours at a time was I?! I know you can never eliminate all risk but 5 seems so young! Dh is so fucking laid back he was all "oh I don't know, each to their own." And now they all think I'm some weird, ott, helicopter Mum.

You should ALWAYS ask the owner before petting a dog.
And then "ask" the dog too by watching its body language. Some owners are idiots of the "he's never done that before" brigade because they are unaware of the dog's body language themselves.

Fuck no, kids playing on the sea wall scare the crap out of me. When DD was 5 she fell over and off things all the time. Freedom is great, but the idea is to let them handle small risks without too much at stake so that they acquire both confidence and common sense. That kind of drop, and the water, is way too much risk for a small child to be expected to handle.

And yes, it's always important to ask the owner before petting a dog, and even then I'd want to be near DD and watching to make sure she didn't stress the dog. I was at school with a girl whose family dog bit off her top lip. It happens.

I'm a dog lover, my Mum used to breed dogs and have always had them around, have one now but have been attacked twice now, once by a security dog and once by sil's dog and it's given me a bloody healthy respect for them.

And so many times dogs have gone for mine and I've had the whole 'they've never done that before' spiel.

I love ddog and trust her as much as any dog but still am wary of letting friends kids pet her.

I allowed my two to play out nearby the house at 5 yo (within certain agreed limits) They weren't supervised continually but they were checked on regularly.

One of the limits stopped them going anywhere near the local river.

I'd have concerns about the sea wall.

I'm a really laid back kind of parent. My dd's had plenty of freedom at 5. But that's even a bit too much for me.
I never even had safety gates or cobourd locks. And they both started playing on the front in eye sight at 4.
But on a sea front 5 minutes away. Not a chance

My DC were out playing for hours unsupervised at age 5. But I wouldn't have allowed them to play out of sight on a ten foot drop into the sea.

You sound sensible.

It is only polite to ask before stroking a dog, some dog owners don't like strange little children mauling their dog around, apart from the risk of a dog being startled and nipping due to surprise.

I didn't let my five year olds play out on our cul-de-sac alone, which I would imagine is safer than your sea wall situation. A five year old is fine when everything is going OK, but they don't have experience so don't have good judgment when things go wrong. They need to get that experience in order to develop judgment, but it needs to be done under adult supervision. When they are teenagers they have driving lessons, they aren't just handed the keys to the car and if they drive around safely for a day or so allowed to go wherever they want. Again this is because anyone can learn to drive in an hour or so, but it takes experience to handle when things go awry.

I am another 'free range' phd parent who doesn't believe in stairgates and let children play with sharp stuff , but I feel sick reading about the seawall and the 10 foot drop into the sea. We too live in a 'naice' seaside resort but I would not let children play off the leash near the shore at that young age. Dreadfully thick 'it couldn't possibly happen to us' parenting imo.

I walk dogs. I have always had a dog. I'm studying canine behaviour. My kids are very familiar with dogs. I drum it into my children never to approach an unknown dog until I have had a look at it and even then to be cautious. These people are stupid. This isn't relaxed parenting it's Show Off look how laid back we are parenting and eventually their child will pay.

A sea wall with a drop like that sounds like a dangerous place to play even if the parents were there watching.

a five year old left alone near water for hours on end the things that could happen so easily just don't even bear thinking about!

Sounds like a tragedy waiting to happen. Absolute insanity

Are they out of their minds??? That is a tragedy waiting to happen! You are not a helicopter mum, you have common sense - they clearly don't!!! YADNBU!!!

5 is way too young to be playing by the sea - I almost got swept away by a wave age 6 and that was WITH the whole family on a day out!

This is coming from someone who was very independent - cycled to school and went to town alone aged 9, got bus/train to school aged 11, flown on my own loads, etc

Your friends are sounding more and more lacking in judgement OP. IME 5 year olds can often cope with being out and about alone if given time to concentrate when they need to. The addition of speed on a scooter means that they have to make safe choices quickly. Sometimes more quickly than a 5yo can process.

With the dog - I'm amazed that anyone would allow their DC to stroke a dog without asking first! You are not being overprotective. You are teaching your DC to be respectful of other people's animals and to protect himself from animals that might be aggressive. Hugely entitled to assume that people should accept random DC bothering their dog without asking IMO.

Yanbu. I lived in a seaside town and was allowed to do this, wouldn't dream of letting any of my children do it at that age

5 years is so little, it really is, they are so innocent and unaware of danger at that age (as they should be - but that's why parents should be supervising their safety!!) I wouldn't let a child twice (or thrice) that age lark about on a sea wall. I bet any member of the RNLI would give those parents a stern talking to.

Those things would be beyond my red lines too.
We have a couple on our estate who let their 4 year old roam around inviting himself in to play, several streets away from home.
I was happy to let ds play out front with supervision at 4 but not to roam totally unsupervised! And it was really annoying to be pushed into looking like a big meany to ds when I wasn't telling X his parents were at fault.

We also live right by the sea and I was wondering when ds could go down and play on the beach alone.

I suppose it's different for each child but dh is saying around 10. (Trying to curry favour now he knows I'm all over our friend's kid.)

When would everyone else feel comfortable with their kids playing alone? Especially near water.

Nope too young.
7/8 maybe down to the beach in a group, but not on a sea wall with a drop and water.

Yeah probably 10 ash on their own. 7/8 in a group with a mobile phone.

wish

ish even

He'd also have to be a pretty good swimmer before I considered it.

A local girl died recently after drowning in their farm pond. She was a strong swimmer but only 7.