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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take a pic off DD and her mates?

69 replies

Everythingwillbeok · 22/05/2017 09:58

Morning all, dropped off DD age 11 this morning at school for her residential trip away. 6am start all very excited. A few of them ran to the loo before they got on the coach, I walked towards the door of the hall to say hello to my friend who is also a teacher at the school. As the kids came down the steps back from the toilet I said Oh stay there while I get a quick picture of you all. There were 6 of them - all with matching hoodies on that the school had provided i just thought it would be a nice shot. As I put my phone in my pocket another lady who works in the office at school said 'can I have a word' - here we go I though. She's going to say don't post the photo on social media ect. Which I wasn't going to anyway, just send it to their mums on whatsapp. But no it wasn't that, it was to say that they didn't want any sort of exclusion on the trip and I shouldn't have only took a pic of a small group. And we have to be mindful of people feeling left out. Now is it me or is this out of order? There is 50 kids going, girls and boys aged 10/ 11. I couldn't have got a photograph with them all in, not would I want to. DD gets on with everyone and has loads of friends but she happened to go to the toilet with the ones she was stood with at the time as she had just handed in her packed lunch in a queue of children. I'm a bit flabbergasted really. I'm sure while they are away this week they will post pics on the Twitter page of various children doing different things, small groups. Not sure what the difference is. Did I do anything wrong?

OP posts:

offblackeggshell · 22/05/2017 10:00

Bonkers.

DJBaggySmalls · 22/05/2017 10:01

YANBU. Thats batshit. It means no one gets to have a special photo on a trip because it supposedly excludes the 30 other kids not involved at that point in time.

Adviceappreciated88 · 22/05/2017 10:01

That's ridiculous! Stupid woman saying that to you! So did the woman expect you to get everyone together for a photo! I don't think you did anything wrong at all! Hope she has a lovely trip!

cheeeekyavocado · 22/05/2017 10:03

Stupid woman.

It's not like you asked for a full class photo and told one kid to get out of shot.

The world has gone mad.

Bloosh · 22/05/2017 10:06

I'd have laughed

user1492528619 · 22/05/2017 10:09

I would genuinely have laughed.

In her face.

Stupid bint with nothing better to do..... ignore ignore ignore!

reallyanotherone · 22/05/2017 10:10

I hope any pictures of the kids on the trip they take include all 50.....

pipsqueak25 · 22/05/2017 10:10

what planet is this woman living on ? all these snowflakes nowadays...

TheWitTank · 22/05/2017 10:12

Oh FGS how ridiculous! What did you say?!

Original poster

Everythingwillbeok · 22/05/2017 10:18

I was a bit taken aback really. I just said I didn't pull them out of the hall to take a photo by the way, they were on their way back from the toilet. She said well even when you think you haven't done anything wrong, it's not always seen like that!! And kept using the word mindful. I'm 41 and feel like I've had a real telling off. DD will be nearly at her destination now!! and I'm still a bit bothered about it.

OP posts:

krustykittens · 22/05/2017 10:20

Totally ridiculous, ignore her!

jarhead123 · 22/05/2017 10:22

YANBU!

Original poster

Everythingwillbeok · 22/05/2017 10:28

Just realised I put off in the title too. Instead of "of". Sorry, she kept banging on about no segregation. I'm tempted to comment on the first picture that is posted on Twitter and say "there's only 3 of them on that pic that's segregation". But then I'd look like a loon.

OP posts:

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 22/05/2017 10:29

Don't give it anymore head space OP.
This woman obviously has a very empty existence. 🙄

user1491572121 · 22/05/2017 10:31

See I thought it was bonkers at first...but then, the way social media is, it COULD be something that makes another child sad.

What if there's a child on the fringes of that group of girls...and one of the other Mums puts it on Insta or FB with some stupid caption like "BFFs all together!"

Then some kid feels bad.

TressiliansStone · 22/05/2017 10:33

Ah, I think she's confused her position with yours.

She's employed by the school and has a duty to treat the children equally. If she kept taking photos of just one small group, that would look like favouritism.

But... your role here is as a parent of one child. You don't have a duty to treat all the children equally: in fact, you're EXPECTED to focus on your own child. If you sweep a small number of her friends in as well, that's fine. (Only a problem if you were setting up a whole group photo but left out one or two children.)

I'd guess she's been on the receiving end of a little talk about favouring small groups - either in general or because she's been a culprit. And she's dealing with that by passing it on to you.

sheepashwap · 22/05/2017 10:35

Well seriously, we can't all feel good all the time! Kids have to learn to get over the disappointment at the odd photo of them not in. I'm not talking about bullying, deliberate exclusion etc is different.

This scenario is ridiculous.

zzzzz · 22/05/2017 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1491572121 · 22/05/2017 10:36

Sheep yes...it would probably be better to teach kids some resilience as far as social media goes.

Ceto · 22/05/2017 10:39

Wait till they've posted a picture showing a full group and contact her innocently to say that you don't understand what was wrong with your picture given the lovely picture of a small group of 6 pupils on FB or whatever it is.

DorkMaiden · 22/05/2017 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 22/05/2017 10:47

Tressilian has it. She is thinking of her role and the teacher's role to take lots of photos of everyone and not leave anyone out.

That's not your role as a parent, your role is to focus on your child and her few immediate friends! It's fine to do that.

She doesn't sound that bright that she can't see the difference between these two roles.

ifonly4 · 22/05/2017 10:56

I'd have understood if they said you couldn't take a photo on school premises, but this isn't about that. It's not a phot you'd planned in advance outside, it was just a spur of the moment thing that you wanted to catch.

My DD did DOE last year. I took photos of her group before they set off. She new a girl in the group setting off after them and asked me if I'd take photos of both of them. Thinking back, I didn't take photos of four girls in the other group, but no one said anything. I don't think the other girls minded anyway as they were busy chatting and doing final checks.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/05/2017 10:58

I'm guessing it's social media related and something about "not hurting others feelings" but it's ridiculous to not be able to take a photo of a small group of friends.

I had a mum approach me in the playground to show me screenshots of MY DD's Snapchat photos. All because my DD had gone somewhere with us and 2 friends happened to be there. So DD posted a couple of photos of them all on SC. Her "DD was sad she wasnt there too so could I tell my DD not to post photos of her with other friends on Snapchat in future"

rightwhine · 22/05/2017 10:58

Let it wash right over you. That's PC gone too far. Batshit!

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