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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a pic off DD and her mates?

69 replies

Everythingwillbeok · 22/05/2017 09:58

Morning all, dropped off DD age 11 this morning at school for her residential trip away. 6am start all very excited. A few of them ran to the loo before they got on the coach, I walked towards the door of the hall to say hello to my friend who is also a teacher at the school. As the kids came down the steps back from the toilet I said Oh stay there while I get a quick picture of you all. There were 6 of them - all with matching hoodies on that the school had provided i just thought it would be a nice shot. As I put my phone in my pocket another lady who works in the office at school said 'can I have a word' - here we go I though. She's going to say don't post the photo on social media ect. Which I wasn't going to anyway, just send it to their mums on whatsapp. But no it wasn't that, it was to say that they didn't want any sort of exclusion on the trip and I shouldn't have only took a pic of a small group. And we have to be mindful of people feeling left out. Now is it me or is this out of order? There is 50 kids going, girls and boys aged 10/ 11. I couldn't have got a photograph with them all in, not would I want to. DD gets on with everyone and has loads of friends but she happened to go to the toilet with the ones she was stood with at the time as she had just handed in her packed lunch in a queue of children. I'm a bit flabbergasted really. I'm sure while they are away this week they will post pics on the Twitter page of various children doing different things, small groups. Not sure what the difference is. Did I do anything wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
Everythingwillbeok · 22/05/2017 10:59

Yeah thanks for replies. Need to develop a thicker skin, just when I walked back into the hall a few people commented "what was all that about" felt a bit embarrassed really.

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 22/05/2017 11:06

YANBU!

This woman sounds as dumb as a bag of rocks.

Did she expect you to make an announcement that every child needs to stop what they're doing right now (then) and come and gather for a group shot? That'd be bonkers.

Every parent I've seen waving their child off on an excursion has just taken pics of their own kid and whomever happened to be standing by at the time - exactly as you did. In other words, what you did was perfectly normal.

WizardOfToss · 22/05/2017 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Everythingwillbeok · 22/05/2017 11:12

I wish Id had laughed and walked off now. But you know when you don't know what's coming when someone says can I have a word ? So I was a bit apprehensive, I help this lady outside school too with something I do for a job, so I'm even more pissed off. She can bugger off now.

OP posts:
NormaSmuff · 22/05/2017 11:15

perhaps there is one particular child and her parent who are feeling left out ?

diddl · 22/05/2017 11:17

I can almost see where she's coming from, but not quite.

What she's saying doesn't make sense in the context of a mum taking a pic of her daughter & friends.

Are there any phones on the trip?

If so, there's going to be a few pics like yours but up.

IntheBenefitTrap · 22/05/2017 11:20

Why would you want children that aren't your DD's close friends in your personal picture? How bizarre.

TheRealPooTroll · 22/05/2017 11:23

I'm guessing there has been an issue with your dd and her friends excluding someone. Office lady doesn't have a dd/niece on the trip by any chance?

Original poster
Everythingwillbeok · 22/05/2017 11:23

No phones. Very clear about that. So no kids will be taking pics. It's one of those things where you think would I or my dd be upset / feel segregated if another mum took a photo of 6 of the 50 kids. I can honestly say no, I would just think, good idea! Not very often you get the chance to get them smiling and standing still.

OP posts:
Ceto · 22/05/2017 11:24

Wait till they've posted a picture showing a full group and contact her innocently to say that you don't understand what was wrong with your picture given the lovely picture of a small group of 6 pupils on FB or whatever it is

Argh, that was meant to be "Wait till they've posted a picture showing a small group".

Original poster
Everythingwillbeok · 22/05/2017 11:25

Office lady has no relatives on the trip.

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 22/05/2017 11:28

Insane.

Maudlinmaud · 22/05/2017 11:34

Tis odd. But like others I assume there is an underlying issue re exclusion. That's not your problem though, unless it is coming from within the group you photographed. The website for my dds school often has photographs of small groups of children, have never seen anyone raise it as a problem.

Kokusai · 22/05/2017 11:39

What if there's a child on the fringes of that group of girls...and one of the other Mums puts it on Insta or FB with some stupid caption like "BFFs all together!"

Age 11 the children should not be on social media. If you are irresponsible enough as a parent to let your child on social media at age 11 you have bigger problems than that.

SandyDenny · 22/05/2017 11:46

I'm a bit on the fence, as others have said maybe there is an issue that you don't know about, it's an odd thing to say otherwise.

Perhaps she's got her wires crossed somewhere and has misunderstood a school instruction

PovertyPain · 22/05/2017 11:46

Next time she talks to you about your daughter, ask her "did you just assume my child's gender?" 😮 😉 Then watch her flap. She needs to catch a grip.

PovertyPain · 22/05/2017 11:49

Joking aside, how's that going to work if there are children that don't want their photos taken? Are they excluding the other children by refusing to join in? 🤔

requestingsunshine · 22/05/2017 11:50

I think I'd have just raised my eyebrow and given her a Confused face and then just left. What a loon. Put it out of your head op, what a weird woman!

Firstimefreaked · 22/05/2017 11:53

Did you sign anything on their permission slip stating that the school could take photo's of your children? Or given verbal permission? More importantly did you give them permission to post photo's of them on social media? Although they may have the right to on school property for the school website, you should still sign a release as your DD (I assume is a minor) I was a professional photographer.

GnomeDePlume · 22/05/2017 11:54

As you are friends with a teacher and also help office lady it is possible she has got confused about roles. In this instant she forgot you were there as a parent and saw you in some sort of official capacity and had an attack of officiousness. Her problem not yours.

DJBaggySmalls · 22/05/2017 11:58

So now the only photos of the trip are going to be formal ones with 30 kids all woodenly posing?
If she thinks that will make the less popular kids feel included she'll fooling herself. She would do better to make a point of getting a good photo of each of them involved in an activity.

Areyoulocal · 22/05/2017 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bruffian · 22/05/2017 12:10

I would have said 'oh its not for social media use, I was going to blow it up really big, frame it and put it in my dining room [big smile]. Thanks though!"

Jux · 22/05/2017 12:17

Maybe she forgot you were a mum taking a perfectly normal pic? Perhaps she thought you were the official photographer?

I know that's bollocks, btw. Only explanation I can think of. Perhaps when you next see her, you can say, jollily (if that's a word!), "did you think I was the official photographer?!" And wander off whistling nonchalantly and preferably snapping away....

Morphene · 22/05/2017 12:19

yeah that is bat shit. I think I would have just pointed out that it isn't my job to take pictures of all the children in the world, only my own.