Am feeling so upset about this, so I'm sorry if I ramble.
DH has always had issues with communication, emotional or otherwise, and nearly 2 years ago I discovered he had been having an affair with a much younger work colleague, for over 18 months.
Our DD has multiple health issues and while we had been in and out of hospital, he was often away on business, having a whale of a time with her. He had been distant for years and I had tried so hard to understand, and when he started going out frequently after work, he would snap that he was doing something for himself for a change, seeing his 'friends' and he was entitled to. He treated me awfully, and it broke my heart to see him act so cruelly. The excuse he gave me when I discovered who his 'friends' really were, was that he assumed I just knew anyway !
His emotionlessness can be startling sometimes, and I know his controlling mother has played a big part towards the issues he has.
Much as it hurt, we decided to try again for the sake of our family, and he seemed such a broken man. We vowed to make it work, and things have ticked along since. We have not once mentioned this woman again, and she left the company soon after. However, I am still frustrated by his lack of emotional connection, and not just with me, I mean with everyone, and everything. He doesn't keep in touch with people, never sees friends, has no hobbies, does no exercise or sport, has no interest in our home and the state it has become, and I feel like I am the proverbial nag, anytime I try to broach it. And of course it upsets me, that the only person he seems to have made any effort with in all our time together, has been her. He suddenly seemed more energetic and alive, but of course, we all know why.
His job is stressful and he works long days, so his excuse is always that he has no time, but of course he did make time for her..and in fact, a lot of time.
This situation has rumbled along for some time, and the straw that seems to be breaking the camels back is this...
Our eldest daughter needed to arrange a week's work experience for 6th form, and it was booked at his company 4 months ago, due to start in a week. As it's over an hours drive, she would travel in and out with him. Last night in conversation, he suddenly remembered he had to be abroad with work that week, and she would have to find her own way or cancel her work experience. The only way she can get there, would involve a 45 min bus ride and 2 trains and would take her 2.5 hours at least.
He just shrugged and said there was nothing he could do. And he thinks I am being ridiculous for being upset. What's even more infuriating, is that he has known for sometime, and true to past communication form, failed to tell us. DD is so upset, and DH simply hung up on me and is refusing to answer my calls. He is sick of me and my nagging and then went on to say that he was being viewed as unreliable at work because of all the times our younger DD has been in hospital...
I'm just sat here reeling, and I can't even speak to him because once he decides he doesn't want to communicate, then that is it. He simply cuts you off.
Feel so low about everything, I know his work is more important, but it's the lack of communication and his attitude towards it that is hard to take. What do others think?
I'm sorry for the long ramble..