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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In wanting to kill my BIL despite his severe medical condition - ssistis

52 replies

SnottyDotty · 22/05/2017 05:53

I do realise that my BIL suffers from a severe medical condition but that does not stop me from wanting to kill him for his very inappropriate behaviour.

Some of you may also know people with this medical condition and so I am seeking advice on how to handle it. "ssistis" has the following symptoms the main ones (but not limited to) being:

Selfish
Self-centred
Self-serving
Self-absorbed
Self-righteous
Self-entitled

The following signs are always missing:

Kindness
Empathy
Understanding
Generosity

Any suggestions on how to deal with my BIL who has the most severe form of this condition greatly received as I have just had another night of no sleep due to his behaviour.

OP posts:
bigchris · 22/05/2017 05:55

Let dh deal with it

Don't engage, communicate with him

Tell us the problem instead of fannying around ? Grin

LaLegue · 22/05/2017 06:01

I've just googled ssistis and the only result returned is this thread. Confused

Original poster
SnottyDotty · 22/05/2017 06:09

BigChris:

It just tends to be his general behaviour really but last night I got a last minute invite to a simple supper and my BIL made some horrible bathroom comments that put me off my food. I am one of those folk that cannot cope with bathroom humour whilst eating. My BIL knows thus and still made some horrible comments and then got furious when I had to stop eating. It was his attitude that got to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
SnottyDotty · 22/05/2017 06:10

LaLegue
Just my attempt at humour in an attempt to lighten a very horrible situation

OP posts:
NotYoda · 22/05/2017 06:13

LaLegue

The OP is saying that the BIL is so self-centred it's as if he has an illness

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/05/2017 06:14

What are you doing hanging around with him? He sounds about 3. What would you do with a 3 yr old, who acts like this? Have a think. And as you're not his mummy, it wouldn't be to shout at him.

NotYoda · 22/05/2017 06:21

Yeah, you just have to avoid him as much as possible

OhTheRoses · 22/05/2017 06:28

Why was BIL at a last minute invite? Is he your sister's DH? What does she do think of him?

AlternativeTentacle · 22/05/2017 06:37

You didn't sleep because of bathroom humour?

Only1scoop · 22/05/2017 06:41

You're losing sleep over it?
Try not reacting, or decline invites....I bet he'll bore of it if he loses you as his audience.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/05/2017 06:42

Some people are over thinkers Alternative. I've had sleepless nights from my sils attitude. She's suffering from a litany of diseases including ssistis.

BastardGoDarkly · 22/05/2017 06:46

Can you expand on the bathroom humour that forced you to stop eating your meal, and stay up all night?

LaLegue · 22/05/2017 06:48

Ah, ok I though it was an actual condition. I was wondering why I'd never heard of it. 😂

Original poster
SnottyDotty · 22/05/2017 06:49

I didn't lose sleep because of bathroom humour - I lost sleep because of the argument and his attitude when I couldn't finish my supper. I just stopped eating and he is the type that goes on and on and on and takes no responsibility for his behaviour.

Mummyoflittledragon:
you are right - its the attitude isn't it that gets you.

OP posts:
NorksAreMessy · 22/05/2017 06:55

You can't change him.
You can only change your own reactions and behaviour.
Detach mentally and physically

And unless you are called Uma...you can't KILL BIL Grin

Boogerbutt · 22/05/2017 07:33

I second the reactions comment, it can be totally infuriating but just don't rise to it in the slightest/ pretend you only hear the normal adult human behaviour - has worked a treat with he who shall not be named when he doesn't get a rise from me it's over so much quicker - I'm telling you treat a toddler like a toddler should be treated Wink

BastardBloodAndSand · 22/05/2017 07:38

Well he sounds like a knob to me........but you sound a bit hysterical and knobby too. Confused

Just don't engage with him, it's easy enough.

lougle · 22/05/2017 07:42

You can't eat because of bathroom humour? It might not be pleasant, but you're an adult so I'd say it is you that has the problem, tbh. What are you going to do if a 5 year old starts chanting "poo bum willy" at the table? Or a six year old learns "beans beans, they're good for your heart, the more you eat, the more you fart!" You can't down forks every time someone mentions something unsavoury at the table. You need to plough through.

Only1scoop · 22/05/2017 07:43

'I didn't lose sleep because of bathroom humour - I lost sleep because of the argument and his attitude when I couldn't finish my supper.'
All sounds a little overly dramatic. I would go for ignoring him, engage with the folk at the table you enjoy. Don't give him airtime.
But then no amount of toilet humour would put me off my plateGrin

Kokusai · 22/05/2017 07:46

I think we need to hear the bathroom humour to be able to give an opinion :-)

LostSight · 22/05/2017 07:47

I find it really precious and generally suspect it to be controlling behaviour when people claim to find words offputting when eating, to the point where they stop.

I guess there may be people for whom it is genuine, but it really annoys me and perhaps your BIL is the same.

So perhaps you and your BIL are just incompatible and you should avoid him.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 22/05/2017 07:49

If someone I dislike intensely invites me to dinner, especially as a late request, I politely decline the invitation.

Why did you go?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 22/05/2017 07:54

I don't think the 'serious medical condition' comment is funny or appropriate - people will click on here because they will think he actually does have a condition

BillSykesDog · 22/05/2017 08:07

I think I would find the stopping eating thing incredibly prissy and annoying too tbh.

Rockefeller234 · 22/05/2017 08:09

I agree the humour comes of a bit odd because it reads as you, 'realise he has a medical condition' but in addition to that he is all the things you listed. I'm assuming you haven't just met him and his behaviour is not new. He won't change, it's you that needs to remove yourself from the situation by limiting your contact time with him.