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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In wanting to kill my BIL despite his severe medical condition - ssistis

52 replies

SnottyDotty · 22/05/2017 05:53

I do realise that my BIL suffers from a severe medical condition but that does not stop me from wanting to kill him for his very inappropriate behaviour.

Some of you may also know people with this medical condition and so I am seeking advice on how to handle it. "ssistis" has the following symptoms the main ones (but not limited to) being:

Selfish
Self-centred
Self-serving
Self-absorbed
Self-righteous
Self-entitled

The following signs are always missing:

Kindness
Empathy
Understanding
Generosity

Any suggestions on how to deal with my BIL who has the most severe form of this condition greatly received as I have just had another night of no sleep due to his behaviour.

OP posts:
Nanna50 · 22/05/2017 08:16

Does he feel the same way about you? From what you have put in your original post you sound as though you could also have the condition, no doubt there is more ...

Original poster
SnottyDotty · 22/05/2017 08:21

I went for my sister's sake. The joke was about his friend who had severe diaherra who poured it into a glass ans was going to feed it to their friend and so on. I just stopped eating, no fuss didn't say a word it was himself that made the biggest issue over it.

Livia pet get over yourself.

I di realise that in the scheme of things most folk would not find it a biggy but this keeps happening but I do love my sister and do not want to fall out with her

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 22/05/2017 08:23

Mmmm - can't understand why you don't get on with him Hmm

Only1scoop · 22/05/2017 08:24

I think you made the biggest fuss TBH by not eating. I'm sure the vile creature eat his.
What was the argument after about, that affected your sleep?
How does your DS react to him.

LostSight · 22/05/2017 08:25

It does sound as if he might be deliberately setting out to wind you up. In your position, I would talk to my sister and arrange to see her when he wasn't about.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 22/05/2017 08:27

As for 'getting over myself' - I think not being able to eat because of 'toilet humour' could elicit the same advice Grin

pictish · 22/05/2017 08:33

Two to tango here imo.

TestTubeTeen · 22/05/2017 08:41

Umm, 'getting over oneself ' can be slung in all directions.

Your BIL is a pain
You cannot handle your own emotions
MN is a place where people do deal with actual severe medical conditions.

TestTubeTeen · 22/05/2017 08:45

Ah.

Have you name changed in case your DSis sees the post, SNOTTY, or did you just fancy telling us the 'humour' story?

tabbymog · 22/05/2017 08:45

WTF is 'ssistis' meant to stand for?

If this man is such an arse just don't engage with him. You're an adult, OP, you can make your own decisions separately from anyone else.

Those 'symptoms' fit my late ex-husband who was a diagnosed psychopath, scored at 36 on Dr Robert Hare's PCL-R checklist. Of course there was a lot more depth and complexity to his behaviour than those plain words, and he was only capable of diagnosis after he committed a particularly brutal murder. Diagnosis takes months, and includes long, often repeated, interviews with family and associates.

This man isn't sick (as far as you or we know), he's just a common or garden bastard. NC is the answer, it takes discipline early on but you'll get the habit.

SolomanDaisy · 22/05/2017 08:51

Your OP only makes sense in your head. From your later posts, both you and he sound a bit irritating.

firstcutisthedeepest · 22/05/2017 09:03

I always thought i was slow on the uptake but even i realised it wasn't about a "real" medical condition just from the wording on the thread title. The man sounds disgusting, who on earth would talk about diarrhoea at the dinner table.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 22/05/2017 09:04

Snotty, what does your sister think of his behaviour and does she know how it affects you?

diddl · 22/05/2017 09:07

That would be a bit too much for me as well, Op, although I would probably manage to continue eating after a pause.

What does your sister say/do?

He's obviously trying to get a rise from you though & it's working.

Well, no more eating there then & if you visit in future, just leave when he pesses you off.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/05/2017 09:25

I used to be a nurse. My dad asked me not to discuss nursing stuff at the dinner table, because discussion of gory stuff put him off his food - so I can understand where @SnottyDotty is coming from.

And surely most people would find the story she described at least a little unpleasant and unsuitable for the dinner table?

BIL does sound like a rather nasty specimen - sadly I suspect he is never going to change so, unless @SnottyDotty's sister sees the light and kicks him to the kerb, he is always going to be in her life - on the periphary, at least - so she needs to learn ways to deal with his unpleasant behaviour. The best way is probably just to ignore it - attempt to tune out the nasty things he says - but since he sounds loud and obnoxious, that may not be easy. Limiting contact would help. If you can practice in the mirror an expression that says 'What a deeply unpleasant little turd you are' and use that on him, it might help.

Nanna50 · 22/05/2017 09:26

It is disgusting behaviour talking like that at the dinner table and TBH I probably would have stopped eating and would have told him why. Why would you lose sleep over it though?

PovertyPain · 22/05/2017 09:26

IT sounds as if you both have a weird sense of humour, OP. With his comments and your, frankly stupid, joke about him having a made up medical condition. It's only funny in your head.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/05/2017 10:35

tabbymog. That sounds chilling. I've been told by my therapist that my sil sounds as though she may be one too or psychopathic tendencies. Not on the scale though you're talking about though as to my knowledge she's never physically harmed anything/one.

Op your bil really does sound like an absolute child. Either protect yourself from him by seeing your sister without him or identify some strategies for dealing with his behaviour. He seems to be able to push all your buttons. You may need a therapist to help you to diffuse his button pressing ability.

LostSight · 22/05/2017 12:09

And surely most people would find the story she described at least a little unpleasant and unsuitable for the dinner table?

Yup. It sounds quite extreme, which was why I concluded he was probably deliberately trying to wind her up.

Gramgram · 22/05/2017 12:50

Sounds like my Bil, best thing we did was go NC. Better for my wellbeing too. If he upsets you so much just avoid him, it can be done.

user1495458710 · 22/05/2017 14:16

Sorry - I usually lurk but was surprised at how similar our weekends appear to be. My sister's partner does something very similar (although not nearly as bad) so I just ignore him (which drives him mad). I love my sister so you just have to put up with the c* that goes with the terriority.

HildaOg · 22/05/2017 17:33

Ignore him. Don't eat with him. Detach. Let him be. You be. No drama.

Raggydolly3 · 22/05/2017 17:58

Is your BIL single OP?
The reason I am asking Is I think he and my SIL would make a good pair. She suffers from this as well.

Is your BIL also enabled by the people around him? X x

Raggydolly3 · 22/05/2017 17:59

Sorry not sure why I put kisses on the end there. Been a long weekend Grin

2rebecca · 22/05/2017 18:03

If you can't let his behaviour wash over you then stop going, just arrange to meet your sister without him or see less or her as well if they're a 2 by 2 couple.

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