to ask how most of our mothers coped?

[ItalianScallion]

I was born in the 70's. My mother was a SAHM and there were three of us kids. My father worked night shifts.

The youngest of us was born when I was four and the oldest was 7. My mother got us up, took us to school, took us to after school activities and sports whilst maintaining a ridiculously clean home, and doing all the laundry etc with no help or family support.

My DH has a similar upbringing except his mother and father were living abroad and travelled to several different countries to live because of the nature of FIL's work. My MIL worked nights and so they would literally hand over the kids to each other as one came home and the other went to work.

I feel that we were all raised pretty decently and I have a huge amount of respect for my parents and PIL.

Which brings me to my AIBU to think that we are getting softer? My mother and MIL shake their heads in disbelief when they hear of mothers who SAHM, have a nanny/au pair and a weekly cleaner and still talk about how they're not coping.

Don't get me wrong, parenting is a hard job but it seems that popular parenting ideas and methods are allowing us to make rods for our own backs.

Please understand I'm not referring to women with PND or any MH issues. This is MN so I know I'll be flamed by people with their anecdotes of difficult babies and their specific struggles, and I agree that there will always be exceptions to the rule. Still, I can't help but feel that we don't 'just get on with it' the way our mothers did.

[annandale]

because taxes pay for things that are beneficial for society as a whole, like making sure that people educated through taxpayer-funded education can actually go back to work and pay more taxes themselves.

[InDubiousBattle]

So do you think that children whose parents SAH shouldn't go to school?

[RainbowsAndUnicorn]

I think their are more beneficial things in education to spend money on than the fifteen hours early education.

I can understand helping with childcare costs for workers but there should be no need for early state intervention at three years if a parent is carrying out their role correctly.

[honeylulu]

The early years education is for the benefit of the child not the parent. It's been proven that children who've done pre school sessions are more prepared for school life.

[user1494949919]

there should be no need for early state intervention at three years if a parent is carrying out their role correctly

As honeylulu said part of the free nursery provision is about school readiness for the child - knowing how to act in group environments; being able to follow instructions in groups; being used to attending the same institution day after day; listening to adults who are not family or family friends. These are not things that a parent can really teach at home, however "correctly" they are carrying out their "role".

[brasty]

Intervention in the early years is much more cost effective than addressing similar problems in older children. For every £1 you spend in early years education, you save £3 later. Early years staff pick up issues with families, SEN and others issues as well, where early intervention matters.

[AntiGrinch]

Does anyone remember this kind of thing?

medium.com/@janeygodley_42972/if-a-glasgow-mum-could-blog-in-the-70s-27199784c55e

[IntrusiveBastards]

Mum and Mil were both in hospital for over a week after birth enjoying tea and biscuits and rests! They were shocked at being released that same day from hospital.

We had less so less was expected. No baby classes, no groups at all, there was a library sing song or read but not on often and not easily accessible.

No p&c parking or changing. Both drove everywhere, no walking at all really. All their friends were doing the same thing at the same time- babies and marriage- and so they would have ready made friendship groups.

Anxiety and post natal depression was ignored and seen as failure or something uncomfortable that was a weakness. My mother cried that I could access the support that she and siblings couldn't.

There also was less of a focus on entertaining and always picking babies up and ignoring their cries in case you spoiled them was often done. Same for kids, they were expected to get on with it and make their own fun: no worries on activities or groups, just outside or in bedrooms entertaining ourselves or getting bored and ignored. Luckily mum and Mil ignored their mums who told them they were spoiling by playing with kids and babies and interacting.

[Scotinoz]

My Mum was a SAHM in the 70's with 3 kids and no family help, or outsourcing. My Dad worked silly hours, albeit in a well paid job. I had a great childhood ☺️ Mum cooked brilliantly, did the housework, sewed, knitted, and did lots of stuff with us. I guess that's just how it was. She was thought of as a bit hippy-ish though since she breast fed, used car seats/seat belts, didn't smoke and made us eat healthily 😅

I suppose I've just done the same as her. SAHM, 2 kids, had them overseas so no family, no cleaner/nursery/etc.

I think a lot of people do it that way.

[JanetBrown2015]

Intrusive, in 19861 my mother discharged herself the same day as she didn't like being in the hospital at all (she was one of the first NCT members) and then had the rest of us at home. I went home the same day too in the 80s and had one child at home in the late 90s.

I think medically if you feel up to it you can be a bit better off if you don't lie in bed too long after birth - my mother and her doctors took the same view in the 60s too and when I had mine in 80s and 90s so I don't think that is a very new thing in English medicine anyway.

(Neither of us had any help after the babies were born but were lucky enough not to be ill ).

[IntrusiveBastards]

I think mum would have loved that but things didn't go easier for her until she had my youngest brother. The rest of our births went poorly and we were poorly too unfortunately. When she did want to come home her mum, Mil and docs pushed her to stay more. For her though it was the best thing especially with eldest as she had enough of a worry when bringing baby home.

I don't think any of her circle considered or offered home births because she was very dubious when my sister considered it. Both my nan's had home births though funnily

[brasty]

My mum discharged herself as well. She was a single mum and she said the staff treated her appallingly.