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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to spend £1000 on daughters 21st present

76 replies

Goonergirl78 · 21/05/2017 08:45

My DH thinks it is too much money but I have been saving up for years, I have the money saved and am also on track to give my son the same for his 21st (he is 18 now). DH is SD to my children and treats them like his own but he just thinks it's too much. A side line to this is I don't even know what I'm going to get her!

OP posts:
NotAPuffin · 21/05/2017 08:46

YABU to decide to spend that amount without even knowing what you're getting her. That makes no sense.

cansu · 21/05/2017 08:47

I think you would be better off saving it for her first car or towards a deposit for a house or something like that. I wouldnt use it to buy an expensive luxury.

HollyJollyDillydolly · 21/05/2017 08:48

If you've saved, can afford to and are planning the sane for your ds too I don't think ybu at all.

TheStoic · 21/05/2017 08:49

I agree, it seems weird to pick a random amount of money to spend.

Unless you just want to give them the cash to spend on whatever they like?

JaiOm · 21/05/2017 08:49

I got a second hand car so worth much more than £1000 but expected to insure/tax/mot etc myself

I ended up selling it a few years later as didn't need it and I think got £3000

But it was a practical present that I was entirely grateful for. I think spending £1000 on "something" is a waste

NennyNooNoo · 21/05/2017 08:50

I don't think it's U as long as you can afford the same for your DS, but at 21, wouldn't she rather have a cheque? Then she can choose whether to spend it on something she wants now, or put it towards something in the future. I know which I would have done ( the latter).

greenworm · 21/05/2017 08:51

I think if you get her something like a car or intensive driving course or a round the world trip ticket then it's not unreasonable.

If it's jewellery, or clothes/accessories or a luxury weekend away or something it seems a bit frivolous.

MiniAlphaBravo · 21/05/2017 08:51

I think it's fine as you've been planning it. By the way is dh not contributing? But maybe just give her the money as she could use it for a car or something....

Original poster
Goonergirl78 · 21/05/2017 08:51

I wouldn't just spend it on "something" It would either be the cash for her to spend or a gift that I had put thought into.

OP posts:
MiniAlphaBravo · 21/05/2017 08:52

Oh sorry just seen he's sd so that's a bit different.

SparklesandBangs · 21/05/2017 08:54

Nothing wrong with spending that amount if you have purposely saved it for your DD.
We gave DC1 a present costings more than this for her 18th, not a car but something she really wanted and uses everyday. And will keep for life.

BattleaxeGalactica · 21/05/2017 08:55

I think you get to decide what happens to the money you've saved for her and how much is appropriate but not having anything in mind might end up with it being wasted on a last minute panic buy.

Better to give her the money with the proviso it's for something useful or to be saved not lashed on cheap tat and nights out.

MalmseyWhine · 21/05/2017 08:56

Not at all if you can afford it. I bought DS1 as suitcase for his 21st, with a £1000 cheque inside for him to go on a fabulous holiday once he graduates.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 21/05/2017 08:58

It's your cash. . If you wanted to give her 10 grand it's not up to your dh to comment imo. .

Original poster
Goonergirl78 · 21/05/2017 08:58

What a fab idea Malmsey 👍

OP posts:
LadySalmakia · 21/05/2017 08:58

I think it depends on what the rest of your finances are like. If you're dead broke then YABU, if you're fine then do as you like. I'd personally be more inclined to buy something memorable like jewellery got a couple of hundred and then let her know there's a bit of money to help with buying a house, and keep socking little bits away until she's ready to buy.

Or give it to her when she needs a car to help with the deposit/outright costs. My parents for that with the same amount of money for us.

opinionatedfreak · 21/05/2017 09:01

Depends what you are going to get her - something timeless e.g. watch/ diamond earrings - spend away but if it is something that won't last eg. designer handbag then i would say don't bother.

Lots of my friends got relatively flash watches for their 21st (Tag, Omega, Phillipe Patek etc). Most still use them. We are all rapidly approaching 40 so those were good buys IMO. My parents chose not to buy me the watch I wanted and got me a cheaper one. It broke after about 10 years and is not worth repairing.

BitchQueen90 · 21/05/2017 09:01

I don't think YABU at all. But make sure it's on something that she really wants.

mayhew · 21/05/2017 09:04

I took my daughter to New York for a week! More than £1000 but I got to go too!
We get on well and it was lovely to have the time together.

luckylucky24 · 21/05/2017 09:06

Not at all unreasonable as long as your DD isn't the kind to totally blow the whole lot. Even then its her choice but I wouldn't want to waste that much money.

silkpyjamasallday · 21/05/2017 09:08

If you can afford it why not? It's fine to have a budget in mind so that you can chose something fab or let the receiver decide. My parents offered to either take me to New York for shopping or I could have money for a holiday with DP. We went to Rome and it was absolutely lovely. Most people I know would prefer to chose something themselves with such a large budget, if you spend it on something and it isn't to the birthday girls taste (e.g. Jewellery) it's a total waste.

MissJSays · 21/05/2017 09:09

It's my 21st in a few weeks, my parents are going through a hard time financially (no fault of their own) and everything's just abit shit at the moment. The thought of my parents who have already given me so much, spending £1000 on my 21st birthday present actually makes me feel abit sick.
My mum has offered to throw me a party in our back garden with a gazebo and all of our family and friends. She's currently in her element looking at DIY piñata videos on YouTube. The party will be my present and I am more than happy with that.

I've just completed my degree and I worked all the way through college and uni, I saved and bought my own car and have my own savings. I don't want or need money from my parents at the age of 21, if they offered it to me I wouldn't accept it because I don't need it!
Each to their own I suppose though.

Inertia · 21/05/2017 09:09

It's a lot of money to spend on something that you are not absolutely sure she wants. If it represents many years of hard saving, it would probably mean more as a deposit towards a car, or towards a house deposit.

ChickenBhuna · 21/05/2017 09:12

It's your money. If you have it then spend it on her. I'd have loved a grand for my 21st!

happypoobum · 21/05/2017 09:13

I don't think £1k is excessive at all, I have known people with ordinary jobs spend ten times that tbh but as PP have said it depends in the rest of your financial set up and these vary so much these days.

Far better to give her £1k cash than a piece of jewelry that she might not wear beyond a few months. I will probably take my DD to NY next year when she is 21.