Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to spend £1000 on daughters 21st present

76 replies

Goonergirl78 · 21/05/2017 08:45

My DH thinks it is too much money but I have been saving up for years, I have the money saved and am also on track to give my son the same for his 21st (he is 18 now). DH is SD to my children and treats them like his own but he just thinks it's too much. A side line to this is I don't even know what I'm going to get her!

OP posts:
BenjaminLinus · 21/05/2017 09:17

If that is the only money you have saved, then YABU.

If the birthday savings account is one of many, then YANBU.

Teardropexplodes · 21/05/2017 09:22

I think it's important it isn't frittered. You've worked hard to save that money. But YANBU to have saved it for her and to want her to have it.
What would she like? Does she know about the money?

Original poster
Goonergirl78 · 21/05/2017 09:24

Ok some clarity here for you. We are neither well off or on the breadline, we have savings as a couple and savings as parents for our own children. My daughter is at uni and although I don't pay her rent or give her an allowance of any kind I buy things for her as needed when I can.

OP posts:
holidaysaregreat · 21/05/2017 09:30

I would buy her a nice gift for £250 and present the rest to her in either a savings account or as premium bonds. She can then put it towards travelling or a car?

pasturesgreen · 21/05/2017 09:31

YANBU in principle, but spending £1000 on 'something' for the sake of it, without any idea of what you'll actually get seems a futile exercise.

Original poster
Goonergirl78 · 21/05/2017 09:32

Thank you Teardropexplodes, she doesn't know about the money, she is very sweet and would not expect it at all. I have saved hard and have gone without things for myself as most parents do in order to give their children things. I have almost 6 months to decide what to actually use the money for 😊

OP posts:
Nancy91 · 21/05/2017 09:36

My mum gave me a huge amount like that when I turned 18, she had saved it up and I thought it was amazing and it lasted me bloody ages as I had less responsibilities. You're going to be mum of the year Grin

hashtagcurious · 21/05/2017 09:36

I think it's a lovely thing for you do to OP! What about a trip of a lifetime for you and your DD to experience together or something? Let us know what you decide on 😊 xx

tigerskinrug · 21/05/2017 09:38

Back in my day the 18th was the biggie and it wasn't unusual to get a new car (free insurance thrown in back then) I can't remember getting anything momentous for my 21st, but my DP's had 2 in university by that stage.
I think £1k isvery reasonable if you have it, would reiterate others saying spend it on something like a car, holiday etc rather than jewellery.

AgeingArtemis · 21/05/2017 09:39

Whether you get her a 150 pound bracelet, or a 500 handbag or a 1000 pound car (For me, the ultimate gift would be a plane ticket to wherever she wants to go, no questions asked and no strings attached), I think spending 1000 pounds for the sake of it is pointless and a waste of money, and I think such huge cash gifts are tacky and pointless- if I was given 1000 I'd be too scared to spend it on something frivolous and it would end up being used on car insurance or a house deposit....a nice gift, but not something you can remember and think, oh yes, I got that for my 21st.

For my 18th I was going to get a watch from my parents, we didn't discuss budget but I'd guess they were planning on spending 100-300 pounds. At the jewellers I absolutely fell in love with a 600 pound watch. Luckily for me, my parents are on a good salary and extremely generous and bought it for me. It is still my number 1 prized possession. If I had been given 600 pounds in cash I would have been totally overwhelmed and actually quite upset at the extravagance.

You are lucky to have enough money to buy her whatever she really wants, regardless of cost. Use that 1000 pounds to buy something she really wants, but don't feel you have to spend it all! It's the quality and thought behind the gift, not the amount of money spent on it.

Leanback · 21/05/2017 09:41

What about putting it into a help to buy isa for her? Then it begins to accumulate interest.

millymae · 21/05/2017 09:43

You have saved the money to give so you are not being unreasonable, but it depends what, if anything, you are proposing to buy. If you are just going to give her a cheque to do what she will with it, would you be upset if she just frittered it away on throwaway type clothes, jewellery, make-up etc. I would if this was the case, as apart from the amount it would be no different to a run of the mill birthday.
I got a watch for my 21st birthday, expensive and undateable and I wear it everyday still. I also received an expensive suitcase from my uncle and that has been one of the best and most useful things ever, but if truth be told I was.a bit meh about it at first. To me these sort of items are most suited to a 21st, lasting gifts that will stand the test of time. . One of my friends, hugely independent in that she has always loved to travel alone used the money given by her parents to buy the best rucksack, passport cover etc and is still using them when she travels to far flung places of the world.

BellyDancer124 · 21/05/2017 09:44

Just give her the cash, best present everGrin

kel1493 · 21/05/2017 09:46

Is it really necessary? If my parents had that sort of money to spend, I'd prefer they kept it for something I rally needed later on

JaceLancs · 21/05/2017 09:46

I bought DS a watch and had DD some jewellery made - probably spent the equivalent of £1000 for their 18th
For their 21st we did travel
They are now both in good jobs and can afford their own holidays and to save for houses
I'm pleased I went down the something to keep route as are they
I still have the charm bracelet that was my grandmothers 21st birthday present from her parents in 1924
My mum got a gold omega watch for hers
I got a car and would have preferred jewellery

BendydickCuminsnatch · 21/05/2017 09:48

To be fair, £1k is barely going to make a dent in a house deposit, is it. I'd just ask her what she wants, she's an adult so I'm sure she has useful things she'd like to spend money on/save for. She might find it a bit of a let down to have some random gift worth £1000, rather than something she could actually put to good use/enjoy. Love the RTW ticket idea! But she might hate it.

Catsick36 · 21/05/2017 09:49

No way spend what you can afford and want to spend. I saved from when I went back to work when dd was 10 months and had enough to buy her a car, tax and insure it and take us all away for a weekend with extras and presents and was fairly proud of myself that I was able to do it, was a single parent for 13 of those years.

trixymalixy · 21/05/2017 09:51

I was given a large cash sum for my 21st. Don't think it was as much as £1000. As I was a student I bought a couple of things (camera, trainers), but then the rest got lost in day to day living expenses.

I'd rather have had something specific bought or it put away until I was buying a car or a house.

BrightonBelleCat · 21/05/2017 09:53

When I was 18 my parents gave me a cheque for £1000. It paid for 3 of my holidays it was the 90's so very cheap. I plan to do the same for each of my dc if I can. That's all I have saved for them.

Original poster
Goonergirl78 · 21/05/2017 09:53

Wow there's a real mix of opinions, thank you. I gain that most of you think the amount of money is ok to spend - I have saved for it, no one will go without because of it - So I am going to use it. I will however have to think more about what I am going to spend it on.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 21/05/2017 09:59

One thing I absolutely wouldn't do is spend that much money on a 'surprise' gift - even if you think it's something she will love. For that amount of cash, CHECK WITH HER - or give the cash.

I practically guarantee that she will be thinking - even if she loves the gift - 'oh god it's lovely but I would NEVER have spent that much on it/ oh god if only she'd told me, I do like xx but not £1k worth of liking/oh god I wish she'd said, I would so much have preferred it in silver' etc. etc.

It's a lovely thing to do but at that age and that amount I think she'd really appreciate being asked what she'd like to happen with it.

EweAreHere · 21/05/2017 10:02

Don't spend it on 'something'. Make it a gift towards something she really wants/need: driving lessons? car? education expenses? house deposit contribution?

MTWTFSS · 21/05/2017 10:02

I do not know your daughter, but if someone had given me £1000 at 21 I would have wasted it.

YANBU to give your daughter £1000, but perhaps decide together what to do with it.

bruffin · 21/05/2017 10:06

For ds 21 and our silver wedding we went on a 3 week road trip to california but ds only got a small present

For dds next year we may go to new york

corythatwas · 21/05/2017 10:08

If she is in her last year at uni I am sure the money could come in handy for things that even MN posters would recognise as essentials. Travelling to job interviews, acquiring extra training, paying her rent for a month or two while looking for work, keeping herself afloat during an internship, deposit on a small flat. I really don't see that as any more tacky than a fancy watch or a piece of jewellery.

When I left school I got a scholarship for best French student. Fortunately it was in cash- fortunately as my student loan didn't come in for nearly a month. I lived off that money and was very grateful. I couldn't have eaten a fancy trophy, probably not even pawned it.

I intend to give my dd cash for her 21st. She will be at uni and (as we are not a wealthy family) probably very short of money. If that money means she can concentrate more on her studies for a few months and less on worrying about her rent, then that will be money well spent as far as I am concerned.

Swipe left for the next trending thread