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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to spend £1000 on daughters 21st present

76 replies

Goonergirl78 · 21/05/2017 08:45

My DH thinks it is too much money but I have been saving up for years, I have the money saved and am also on track to give my son the same for his 21st (he is 18 now). DH is SD to my children and treats them like his own but he just thinks it's too much. A side line to this is I don't even know what I'm going to get her!

OP posts:
bigbluebus · 21/05/2017 10:09

If that is what you saved the money up for then what is the problem? We took out a Junior Bond savings scheme for our DS. We paid in £15 per month and we gave him around £2500 for his 18th. As far as I know he hasn't spent it and he's coming up to 21 now. But at least we know he has a bit of cash behind him should he need it in future.

Kokusai · 21/05/2017 10:09

£1000 isn't too much as long as you're not going to struggle because of it.

inlectorecumbit · 21/05/2017 10:09

YANBU if you can afford it. However YABU if you buy something just for the sake of buying something.
I agree to using or saving it as a deposit for something else and buy her something small for the day that she can keep.

madcatwoman61 · 21/05/2017 10:31

That's roughly what I spent on each of mine - all different things, depending on what they needed/wanted at the time

Unicorn81 · 21/05/2017 10:46

I think its a decent amount, how about going to a spa for a day and then a shopping spree and let her decide how she wants to spend it? Perhaps she would want to spend some and save some.

gleam · 21/05/2017 10:53

Would you feel ok giving her the cash, Gooner?

We gave ours £100 on their 18th and £1000 on their 21st. No strings attached. Sometimes it's just nice for them to have the power to decide what to spend money on.

thethoughtfox · 21/05/2017 11:26

Looking for a present that costs £1000 to buy your child seems wasteful especially as you have saved for some long It should mean something. Like everyone else has said, if it's for a meaningful gift: to go travelling; driving lessons or a car; towards their first home; even an expensive bag for their grown up job etc then that is lovely.

Original poster
Goonergirl78 · 21/05/2017 11:28

I think I probably would Gleam. I am in 2 minds about cash or keepsake, both have pros and cons. Maybe half and half would be a good compromise 😊

OP posts:
SugarnetMum · 21/05/2017 12:34

If you had of said a car etc for £1000 I would of been like yeah no problem, but picking an amount to spend to prove something without picking an item is silly.

Get her whatever you want to get her, regardless price

Original poster
Goonergirl78 · 21/05/2017 12:47

but picking an amount to spend to prove something without picking an item is silly.
SuarnetMum, that's a bit harsh, I never said I was trying to prove anything???

OP posts:
HeyHoThereYouGo657 · 21/05/2017 12:47

If you have saved it then good on you OP

Its a lot of money and perhaps giving her the cash would be best ? Can go on holiday if she wishes with that or save it or anything

Hope she has a lovely Day.

TheweewitchRoz · 21/05/2017 14:08

If you can afford it Op, then no, YANBU to spend that amount on your DDs present. Hope you can find the perfect present.

LightDrizzle · 21/05/2017 14:11

YANBU - as long as you can still afford the usual expenses, which you can because you've saved.

Lucky girl, it's a lovely thing to do.

BareGrylls · 21/05/2017 14:15

She is at uni and you don't give her any allowance? Surely that would be more important than a fancy birthday present?

I've never bought big gifts for the sake of it but when something is needed or as a celebration. So I bought DS1 a car when it would make his life much easier. Paid for DS2 to go on a special holiday. When he was 21 DS1 didn't really have anything he wanted so I just bought a token gift.

bumblebae · 21/05/2017 16:09

It sounds like you are financially stable enough to spend the money on something lovely - well done for saving what a nice idea :-).

For my 21st me and my mum went on a trip to London and I was bought a Tiffany ring. Not one of the really expensive ones I think it was £350. I absolutely love and cherish it but what I'm really grateful for is the memory of the trip with my Mum and the fun we had. I spose including the cost of the ring she maybe spent £700 or so as we stayed overnight before, had meals out and went to see Chicago. I spose this is frivolous but it really was a one off for both us of and certainly the first and last time either of us will visit the Tiffany shop!

If you fancy something like this so combining an experience with a nice
memento perhaps any remainder could be put in a savings account to help towards first car or rent deposit?If she is at uni she may need to relocate for work when she starts a grad job? Or furniture for a first place Could help her on the way.

Of course it depends on circumstances but if you don't desperately need to spend it practically for her then this was lovely from personal experience.

rhinorocks · 21/05/2017 16:26

Use it to start a house buying isa? You can put a £1000 lump sum in. We did it for both of ours for 18th. The hb isa may be ending/replaced by another type but the same principle- the government add additional money when it is cashed in for a house.

Original poster
Goonergirl78 · 21/05/2017 16:30

BearGrylls I am not in a finance position that allows me to give her a regular allowance, as previously said I pay for things for her as needed, (feel like I'm having to justify myself here but) I kitted out the house when she moved from halls, I paid the deposit on the house and I am here as a safety net should she ever need it, but for me one of the experiences of uni is learning how to live on the money you have, it's how I learnt to live within my means and I consider it a good and valuable life lesson.

Bumblebae that sounds like it was a lovely way to spend your birthday, I will definitely look into something like that, thank you 😊

OP posts:
HookandSwan · 21/05/2017 16:38

I think it's lovely. I choose a ring for my 21st I cost around the same amount.

Secretservice · 21/05/2017 16:54

Both my Dds were given mid range MacBooks for their 18ths, around £1000. Oldest is now 24 and it has probably been used every day of those three years! Probably the best present they were ever given!

Herbella · 21/05/2017 17:36

My DH spent slightly more than this on a present for our DS for his 21st. It's something useful which will retain a good deal of its value. We are always scrupulously fair about same value presents for all the DC at the same age / event.
So if you have got it sorted OP then go for it!

bojorojo · 21/05/2017 18:35

I love the post from Opinionated that a Patek Philippe watch is 'reasonably flash'. Presumably you don't know how much these cost! (Look it up). I would love to know what you think is a flash watch!!!

However, back to what you can buy for £1000. Lots of things as above and it's not too much if you have saved up specifically. Mine had what we could afford and that's the point, isn't it?

MyOpe · 21/05/2017 18:50

I'd say it was too much for an "item". If its jewellery, she's probably lose it by her 22nd! You don't have to spend a lot of money for it to be meaningful, OP. It really is the thought and intention. She might even be embarrassed at you spending that amount ...

MyOpe · 21/05/2017 18:51

unless you are very well off of course Grin, in which case it hardly seems an issue to be worth posting ...

ChildishGambino · 21/05/2017 18:59

Do it if you can afford it. Love the idea of a suitcare with a cheque inside.

PNGirl · 21/05/2017 19:07

I got a laptop for my 21st - around a week before my birthday I moved to France and then Spain for my year abroad as part of my languages degree. It was about 450 quid and absolutely saved my sanity.

When I inherited 1k (already bought a house and car) I spent half on a Mulberry and half on a plane ticket to LA. I was about 27.

I would maybe give her most of it cash but you could spend a certain amount on a keepsake or maybe take her shopping for something up to a couple of hundred.

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