To be amazed at the lack of imagination

[Maxandrubyrubyandmax]

Attended my third church wedding in less than a year yesterday. But what amazed me was that the three weddings had EXACTLY the same choice of music! Here comes the bride, all things bright and beautiful, lord of the dance, Jesu joy of mans desiring during the signing of the register and out to Mendelssohn. With everyone so fixated with having the Original wedding these days and so many great hymns and processional pieces of music why oh why are we repeatadly faced with the same pieces of music again and again and if we are going to be stuck with the same pieces can't people pick something a bit more appropriate than Wagners shagging tune and a song miabout nailing someone to a cross and at least occasionally go for Royal Oak for all things bright and beautiful. Even the person who wrote it seemed amazed it was allowed in church! Off to another wedding next week. Won't be holding my breath!

Oh golden whys that? That's awful you are made to feel like that! Anyone could approach our vicar about anything

I was lucky enough to be able to ask an excellent organist to play at our wedding. I asked for his suggestions for music and chose from amongst things that I knew well but wouldn't have known the names to ask for. We had a processional hymn to come into and I recall one of my friends commenting on the fact that I joined in - but of course, if I've chosen a favourite hymn I'm going to sing it! Someone up the thread mentioned choices that would have needed an abbey and a chamber orchestra - well, if our local cathedral (a small one!) hadn't been undergoing overrunning renovations at the time we'd probably have had the cathedral choir and chamber orchestra (in which I played). I'd played at one wedding where choir / orchestra / (other) guests were in roughly equal numbers but it still worked.

For my father's funeral last year my mother had had some very good thoughts about the music; his connection with religion was mainly via music. We hunted out recordings and burnt a CD for the service including good singing for the single hymn so that it didn't matter how many people joined in. My mother had struggled at her own mother's funeral when they had God be in my Head, a particular family favourite choice, to walk out to. The singing started fine, then when she and her brothers started to follow the coffin out it all faltered and dwindled noticeably. They were a family where it could be embarrassing to get to church late during a hymn as the volume would indeed increase ...

Back to weddings, a fun experience I had once was when a friend was married in an oxbridge chapel. Her side Australian, mainly atheist/agnostic, his Swiss Lutheran. The hymns were chosen to be singable in both German and English. My husband and I figured we'd better sing up enough to "hold our side up"! It will be easier if we ever find ourselves in a similar situation in future though as our children can outsing us by far.

I would have loved Widor's Toccata but knew our organist wasn't up to it - and I love our organist so there is no way I would have found a substitute. We had Charpientier Te Deum (the Eurovision anthem which we thought was very appropriate for our Italo/Anglo wedding!).

Widor was one that our organist said "please something other than Widor". (which he did indeed play very competently) That was the point at which I said, please give me some suggestions!

I walked in to Spring by Vivaldi (because I had really happy memories of playing it at youth orchestra) and out to Ode to Joy.

I go to church relatively frequently and sang in a church choir for years as a child, but chose very common hymns as I wanted songs where everyone would know the words.

Every wedding I've been to in Wales has had Love Divine All Loves Exceling and Calon Lan. Which are great choices.

I had bridal March, praise my soul the king of heaven, Jerusalem, Danny boy for signing of register and is this the way to amarillo for exit. Jerusalem was mostly so non church people would know it. There are many beautiful hymns I agree OP.

It can be a bit embarrassing when it's just me (verger) and the vicar doing a duet when there's a church full. Loads of people aren't used to singing in public and arent regular church goers, so just stand (looking a bit ruffled, nudging each other) at the hymn sheet and miming occasionally.

We had Guide me o thou great redeemer, for the Welsh contingent in the crowd, amongst others.

When we got married 15 years ago it was right in the middle of the few years that people had pop songs to walk down/up the aisle played on the organ. A girl I worked with at the time git married the year before us and had 'love is all around' by wet, wet, wet.

I had the traditional music which suprised the vicar.
For hymns we had ' lord if the dance' and 'colours of day'

While we signed the register in front of the congregation my grandad sung 'ave veron corpus' . He used to sing opera songs so even though he was 70 at the time he still had a good voice. As soon as I got engaged I knew I wanted him to sing at the wedding.

Fair enough to rant about it - I'd be sick of it too, and had completely different, more personal music at my own wedding.

But of course ultimately YABU - since, yep, just as everyone else is saying, it's their day - and I think that's right. Although weddings are definitely about community, family, and a group ritual, the shape of that ritual should be determined at least in part by the bride and groom, since it has to play an important symbolic role in their relationship.

Can anyone who has read all the words to 'Lord of the Dance' explain to me why it is suitable for a wedding?

Some people want church weddings because the photos look nice rather than they feel strongly about the church element so go with what the book suggests as they don't have the experience of other hymns or songs. Be thankful that 3 couples wanted you at their wedding, we haven't been to any for a few years as most don't invite our kids.

I really think it's just lack of knowledge of anything other than the classics. So many people don't go to church but go to get married, they're only familiar with the 'classics' and probably don't have an opinion on anything beyond 'all things bright & beautiful' lol. I won't lie, the main thing I remember when coming away from a wedding is the location and the dress

I'm an opera singer who sings at weddings. I do try to help steer couples if they don't have strong (any) ideas. I've been asked to sing a few dodgy things in my time but the best suggestion ever was 'We all stand together' (Paul McCartney and frogs)....just think of the words and the smiles.

Oh well, slightly better than cringe worthy happy clappy guitar players which is what we were treated to a few weeks ago!

I went to a wedding a little while ago, where most of the friends of the course inew each other from a particular university and a shared interest in a particular sport (all belonging to the same club).

For on of the hymn, they had gestures.

(Think along the line of the Xander Armstrong Pimms advert to Prince Charming, but done to a real hymn).

Including by B&G in from of the altar

"Can anyone who has read all the words to 'Lord of the Dance' explain to me why it is suitable for a wedding?"

Because its a nice jolly hymn (if sung at the right tempo) that tells the story of Jesus, which is always appropriate for a religious service. Always better to have the hymns your congregation is likely to know and sing (people will give a go to relatively familiar ones which are loud and fairly fast, less likely to warble along to Sweet Sacrament Divine etc)

Surprised nobody chose 'It Should Have Been Me'
or
'I Knew the Bride when the used to Rock and Roll'

There's a trick Bridezillas seem to miss: Pick super rare hymns and then organise weekly choir practices for a year in advance .

I think I get this from both angles. DP and I have been to 30-ish weddings in the last 6 years. Maybe 1/4 have been protestant christian with a few catholic, muslim and hindu ceremonies plus a couple of civil ceremonies in England. The rest have been humanist (we're in Scotland).

We're atheists but very pleased to go to our friends' church weddings. It's really nice having hymns you actually know- and yes they tend to be ones from childhood- so you can properly sing along with everyone.

A number of the humanist weddings have also had songs, with choirs and songsheets and singing along to them was nice too- as they were songs that are already well known (e.g. some Burns numbers)

I do get that people might get fed up at the perceived lack of originality, but I think if I was getting married I'd like all my guests to be comfortable singing along.

Saying that, at the last church wedding we were at they had some "cool modern" hymns which they had the words to projected on the walls of the church, one you'd got the hang of the tune everyone could sing- it was a great idea!

I LOVE a good sing at a wedding!

A Methodist upbringing has been a great grounding for good hymns. I now have Tell out my soul as an earworm...only when I got a few phrases in did it realise I know it as "how great thou art". It was my GParents funeral hymn choice, now feel a bit emotional

I hate every psalm without exception

No! Really?

I love all the teeth gnashing revenge ones. I have been known to recite the bits of Psalm 91 that I can remember when confronted with enemies and tossers. Cathartic.

Methodists are better at hymns, I find. Compensation for all the guilt and unworthiness. Funerals of my aged Methodist relatives have had some wonderful music, 'To Be A Pilgrim' being a favourite.

An old friend had 'Let The Hills Of The North Rejoice' at his funeral which is brilliant but out of favour as un-PC. It was appropriate, given his pride at his Yorkshire roots.

I like 'Glorious Things of Thee Are Spoken' sung to the Haydn music that is also used for the German national anthem.

My funeral choices will include Biber's Rosary Sonata and some fairly hardcore jazz. That should have everyone thoroughly depressed at the reception afterwards!

Doh! I meant Psalm 94, obviously:

O Lord God, to whom vengeance belongeth; O God, to whom vengeance belongeth, shew thyself.

2 Lift up thyself, thou judge of the earth: render a reward to the proud.

3 Lord, how long shall the wicked, how long shall the wicked triumph?

4 How long shall they utter and speak hard things? and all the workers of iniquity boast themselves?

5 They break in pieces thy people, O Lord, and afflict thine heritage.

6 They slay the widow and the stranger, and murder the fatherless.

7 Yet they say, The Lord shall not see, neither shall the God of Jacob regard it.

8 Understand, ye brutish among the people: and ye fools, when will ye be wise?

9 He that planted the ear, shall he not hear? he that formed the eye, shall he not see?

10 He that chastiseth the heathen, shall not he correct? he that teacheth man knowledge, shall not he know?

11 The Lord knoweth the thoughts of man, that they are vanity.

12 Blessed is the man whom thou chastenest, O Lord, and teachest him out of thy law;

13 That thou mayest give him rest from the days of adversity, until the pit be digged for the wicked.

14 For the Lord will not cast off his people, neither will he forsake his inheritance.

15 But judgment shall return unto righteousness: and all the upright in heart shall follow it.

16 Who will rise up for me against the evildoers? or who will stand up for me against the workers of iniquity?

17 Unless the Lord had been my help, my soul had almost dwelt in silence.

18 When I said, My foot slippeth; thy mercy, O Lord, held me up.

19 In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul.

20 Shall the throne of iniquity have fellowship with thee, which frameth mischief by a law?

21 They gather themselves together against the soul of the righteous, and condemn the innocent blood.

22 But the Lord is my defence; and my God is the rock of my refuge.

23 And he shall bring upon them their own iniquity, and shall cut them off in their own wickedness; yea, the Lord our God shall cut them off.

The Day Thou Gavest was one of my father's two favourite hymns and we had it as the opening hymn at his 11.00am funeral. (His other favourite was O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go, which was the closing hymn.) Everyone knew both of them.

I'm loving the idea of Arrival of the Queen of Sheba at a wedding - it goes at a fair lick! I imagine it as either a sprint down the aisle (can't wait to get married to the love of your life) or up the aisle (can't wait to get at the booze).

I had a civil wedding, so no religious music and no singing. I walked in to Vivaldi's 'Winter: Largo', and walked out to Jackie Wilson's '(Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher & Higher'.

Had I been married in a church, I probably would have opted for hymns that I thought a good proportion of the guests would know and at least be able to hum along to. Which, for most of my friends and family, would have meant hymns sung at primary school.