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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed that my BF wants to use my bridesmaid dresses for her own wedding?

93 replies

Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 20:49

So my best friend is getting married next year and myself and another of her 3 bridesmaids has been round to her house today to do a bit of wedding planning. I had both of these girls as bridesmaids at my wedding nearly 4 years ago, plus my sister. Now my friend lives in her DP's large-ish house, he has a Porsche and another big car, his own business, and is generally reasonably comfortable financially.... which has left me baffled and slightly bemused with her asking me if they can use the same 3 bridesmaid dresses for her wedding as I had for mine in order to save money. So I'd wear my sister's dress, our mutual bridesmaid the same one she wore for mine and her other friend the one that the bride-to-be wore for mine. AIBU to be a bit put out about this? WWYD in this scenario? Acquiesce.... it's her day after all; or say no?

OP posts:
SmallBee · 20/05/2017 22:23

I think it depends on if your sister is essentially willing to give her dress away. Presumably if it's altered to fit you then it can't then be altered back afterwards. That's if she even still has it.
So before the brides heart gets set on these dresses one of you needs to ask your sister.

notangelinajolie · 20/05/2017 22:24

Yes do it! Big compliment, money saving is always good you were the first so if she isn't bothered by 'second hand' bridesmaid dresses then nor should you. Great idea!!

Original poster
Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 22:25

My sister wouldn't have an issue with it. Her dress will be too big for me but it's not the type you can get altered (two-birds). Think they come in two sizes and hers is the plus-size one.

OP posts:
Dinnerisburnt · 20/05/2017 22:26

Why not!! I lent my wedding dress to a relative, i didn't think twice about it (she was skint and was chuffed to bits with it and returned it clean!)

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 20/05/2017 22:31

I did this! One of my bridesmaids was the original bride whose dresses we used. They were gorgeous.

Original poster
Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 22:33

Dinner.... I think I'd have less of an issue if she was totally skint and was big into 'make do and mend' and DIY weddings etc. I think this is driven by her OH who was reluctant to get married initally (he's seen too many mates get ripped off by ex-wives apparently) and so doesn't want to spend a fortune on something he's not that in to. I have no doubt he loves my friend very much indeed... just not weddings.

OP posts:
Ginspiration · 20/05/2017 22:33

Why not see about dying them to her wedding colour?

Original poster
Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 22:34

Gin.... mine are a lot darker than her preferred colour.

OP posts:
Ginspiration · 20/05/2017 22:35

Ahh.. scratch that then

QueenOfRubovia · 20/05/2017 22:46

I've been bridesmaid for 3 sisters in the same dress. The sisters shared the identical other dress. Iyswim. It's an excellent idea.

QueenOfRubovia · 20/05/2017 22:47

2 other dresses. Obvs.

ILoveDolly · 20/05/2017 22:49

I think its lovely. She obviously has happy memories of that wedding. And she's trying to save a bit of money which is also great.

Januarie · 20/05/2017 22:52

And she wants you to spend £300 on hen do accommodation? She needs to buy you a dress that fits a plus size two birds dress is very large and will hang off you if you are a size 16 or under.

Original poster
Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 22:54

Januarie.... I'm carrying more weight than I'd like post-baby (well, he's almost 3!) but am about size 12 on my top and 16 at the bottom. I'm hoping to be size 12 all over for the wedding in 15 months.

Our mutual bridesmaid thinks she's only half serious. Guess time will tell!

OP posts:
Paninotogo · 20/05/2017 22:57

Those dresses look so unflattering!

skyzumarubble · 20/05/2017 22:57

I think it's a great idea. Maybe they don't have as much money as you think?

AmateurSwami · 20/05/2017 23:02

It would annoy me as our wedding photos would look so similar. I think I'm being petty though...

Original poster
Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 23:05

Paninitogo.... the opposite actually, they looked beautiful on each of the 2 that wore them for my wedding. One of the others (the bride in this scenario) had a different style dress as she's very broad shouldered and it didn't sit her.... but looked lovely on the other two. They are both plus size and the fabric fell beautifully.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 23:07

Skyzuma.... I don't think they're loaded but they certainly have spare cash. Certainly have more money than I do!!

OP posts:
Januarie · 21/05/2017 10:09

If you're a size 12 (or planning to be) you won't be able to wear a plus size two birds dress, one of my friends who was a size 16 ordered the large one and it was too big on her and gaping at the back she had to swap it for the smaller one. To be honest I would find the whole suggestion cheeky, I can't quite explain why but she shouldn't have asked its only acceptable if you offer because it's putting you on an uncomfortable position. It's almost as though she's "stealing" part of your wedding!

Kokusai · 21/05/2017 10:11

Well its not like you ever do anything with BM dresses afterwards. So I think it's nice as long as the dresses fit.

specialsubject · 21/05/2017 10:12

Perhaps they have a lot of money because they don't waste it? Why not reuse the dresses?

NotHotDogMum · 21/05/2017 10:25

I'm going to go against the grain here.

Your wedding photos will look the same, as if she's 'cloned' them.

She should buy her own dresses, that's tight.

44PumpLane · 21/05/2017 10:26

Two Birds dresses are lovely- but un alterable!
If you're not plus size the size B will hang off you and gape at the back.
Two Birds dresses are readily available on EBay second hand- have just recently been a bridesmaid and the bride bought all 5 of her bridesmaid dresses from eBay second hand in a complimentary pallet, but there are many many listings for multiple dresses of the same colour. Or if it's 15 months to the wedding then there is plenty of time to stalk eBay for the colour she wants in the size she wants.

Also if your old bridesmaids dresses aren't being used you could suggest they get sold on EBay! We will all be givin our dresses back to the bride to sell on as they aren't colours that you would wear to be anything other than a bridesmaid :)

Summerisdone · 21/05/2017 10:26

How much did the dresses cost you? I think because attending the wedding is going to cost you quite a bit, and from what you say you're not massively well off, then your friend should cover all or at least part of your overnight accommodation costs as a thank you.