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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed that my BF wants to use my bridesmaid dresses for her own wedding?

93 replies

Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 20:49

So my best friend is getting married next year and myself and another of her 3 bridesmaids has been round to her house today to do a bit of wedding planning. I had both of these girls as bridesmaids at my wedding nearly 4 years ago, plus my sister. Now my friend lives in her DP's large-ish house, he has a Porsche and another big car, his own business, and is generally reasonably comfortable financially.... which has left me baffled and slightly bemused with her asking me if they can use the same 3 bridesmaid dresses for her wedding as I had for mine in order to save money. So I'd wear my sister's dress, our mutual bridesmaid the same one she wore for mine and her other friend the one that the bride-to-be wore for mine. AIBU to be a bit put out about this? WWYD in this scenario? Acquiesce.... it's her day after all; or say no?

OP posts:
Voice0fReason · 20/05/2017 21:29

It sounds like a fabulous idea.

Ameliablue · 20/05/2017 21:30

Don't really see the issue, unless the dresses won't fit.

RoseAndRose · 20/05/2017 21:30

"Rose, I think they are adult bridesmaids!"

Surely not, she clearly says 'girls'

Original poster
Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 21:33

I seem to have posted this question twice (phone issues). I'm not desperately upset about it, just didn't expect it. I hate waste too and so on that level, the idea appeals. I think it's just that for ages we've been talking about different colours and she showed us a swatch today of the colour she wanted, which we were all really happy with and excited about. And then half an hour later, she's asking in all seriousness if we'd mind if we used the same dresses. My sister's dress will be too big for me (it's plus size) as will the on earth for our mutual bridesmaid which is why we chose the ones we did in the first place (two-birds ones). Part of me is a bit miffed that I've had to pay out and she'll get the benefit for free but my mum has suggested she make a charitable donation in exchange, which is quite a good idea. I'm not making an issue of it and totally want to be reasonable, just wanted to gauge opinion. Consensus view seems to be that it's fine.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 20/05/2017 21:33

[grin]@Rose.

I got it.

Original poster
Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 21:33

They are adult bridesmaid dresses

OP posts:
missiondecision · 20/05/2017 21:38

It's a lovely idea.
I'd be very flattered.
It's not about money, she can afford it you say.
She obviously likes the dresses.
Yabu.

missiondecision · 20/05/2017 21:40

You will sound like a fruit loop if you ask for a "charitable donation".

AhYerWill · 20/05/2017 21:45

Will they actually be adjustable to fit the new wearers if there's a big size disparity? I have no clue about dressmaking, but assume it might get quite complicated/expensive if they need to be remade to fit someone of a completely different size/shape.

Funnyfarmer · 20/05/2017 21:48

I think it's a fab idea. No need to spend money if you don't have too. Wealthy people are usually wealthy because of that concept.
It's always been my understanding when you're a bridesmaid you get to keep the dresses afterwards is that not the case?
My friend deliberately chose bridesmaid dresses that wouldn't look out of place at other fictions posh dinners, party's ECT. So her bridesmaids would get good use out of them.

SweetLuck · 20/05/2017 21:49

'Charitable donation' Confused will make you sound like a right twat.

Original poster
Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 21:58

Hahaha! Ok re: charitable donation!!

OP posts:
AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 20/05/2017 22:02

What sort if person charges a friend?!
You sound really petty. I think she should find a better bridesmaids to be honest

Original poster
Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 22:05

I'm not being petty... just gauging opinion on what's reasonable. It was my mum's suggestion and I wasn't sure about it, so asked! Isn't that what this forum is for? As I've said... I'm not totally against the idea, was just taken aback as didn't expect it!

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 20/05/2017 22:06

I think it would be a lovely idea if the dresses fitted (I wore my Nana's wedding dress and my bridesmaid wore her bridesmaids dress as they were exactly what we were looking for and they fitted).

However, asking you to have a dress that now belongs to your sister adjusted is rude.

SweetLuck · 20/05/2017 22:06

Glad you can see the funny side Grin

NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 20/05/2017 22:08

If your sister still has the dress and it's altered to suit you, she won't be able to wear it again. Would she mind that?

fourandnomore · 20/05/2017 22:09

I would feel strange about this just because i put a lot of time and effort into choosing my bridesmaid dresses to suit all three of them and they reflected the colour them and style of our wedding, which then if someone else used them would be a bit strange. The fact she wants to suggests she has similar taste to you and loves the dresses so wants to use them but only you know how you feel about that. I think the costs of alterations will be more than new dresses by the sound of it so it will soon not be an issue.

Original poster
Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 22:13

She's a very good friend indeed. We've grown up together and are very close. I think it just surprised me because it came out of left field. They are lovely dresses and it does mean they'll get worn again at least, although the one for me will prob be too big!

OP posts:
Original poster
Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 22:15

Random.... yeah, I think so, it's one of those dresses that you can wear multiple ways.... but my sister was much bigger than me at the wedding and so her dress is a plus size one. So would prob be too big (assuming I can finally shift my baby weight which hasn't been lingering a bit too long!)

OP posts:
Januarie · 20/05/2017 22:17

I think it's tight of her especially when your sister's dress won't fit you. I hope she isn't going to be asking you to pay for your own alterations.

Original poster
Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 22:19

She's generally not tight... but her OH is and I suspect she's been given a tight budget to work with. Which is fine, no issue with that. But she wants us to spend upwards of £300 on accommodation alone for the hen weekend which for me is a lot of money.

OP posts:
MrsWire · 20/05/2017 22:20

I think it's a stupid idea. I wouldn't allow it.

Original poster
Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 22:21

Who so, MrsWire?

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 20/05/2017 22:23

Great idea to reuse dresses. Mine were old dresses and had to be taken in - they still looked great. If they r long dresses u could even get them shortened

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