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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to cancel this cake so last minute

80 replies

CaptainObviousTwo · 20/05/2017 08:10

A friend of a friend commissioned me to make her birthday cake for her, I made her sons a few weeks ago. Originally when she ordered it, I lived a few miles away but have since moved to the Midlands (they're in London). I kept my word, made the sons birthday cake and drove it down and was planning on doing so again today.
Its a 6-7 hour round trip.

My Granddad died in the early hours of this morning. He was quite elderly but its a huge shock. I'm not sure I'm good to drive to Tesco, let alone London.

Except I promised this cake to be in London at 3pm. I've still got some decorating left too.

WIBU to cancel? It seems like such a shit thing to do, and on her bloody birthday. Its a fairly simple cake, so not the centre piece or anything but I hate being so unreliable.

I have no idea what to text her and am feeling really panicky

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 20/05/2017 09:08

I don't understand. You made her son's cake, delivered it 250 miles away, and then agreed to make her another cake for £50, with you delivering it 250 miles away again, without charging for petrol?

So sorry, I don't mean to be harsh, but that's madness! Why not just tell her when she ordered the second birthday cake that she would have to collect?

Sorry about your grandad.

HundredMilesAnHour · 20/05/2017 09:08

To be honest, I think you've already been far too nice! What kind of friend is she that she'd expect you to drive that far after you moved and not either offer you travel costs, or say you don't need to make the cake anymore given you're now 125 miles away? Was she just expecting you to drive down today, just drop the cake and she gives you £50? That doesn't sound very reasonable, especially when you say she's not a really close friend. Or are you also invited to a birthday party / stay for lunch or dinner etc?

Topuptheglass · 20/05/2017 09:09

Just re-read op & see it's a 6 hour round trip.

No, with her refund she'll be abe to replace it.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 20/05/2017 09:15

Op.you sound absolutely lovely to be so caring and to do the cake in the first place knowing there would be such a long trip. Please don't feel bad you have done absolutely nothing wrong and you have been far more than accommodating to begin with. I'm very sorry for your loss, please don't think about this cake thing abymore

Original poster
CaptainObviousTwo · 20/05/2017 09:17

I'm not sure she's aware of how far I am now, I didn't make a big thing of it. It was my choice not hers.

She's replied and said sorry for my loss, and her bank details for me to refund so all is okay.

Still feel like a complete let down tho

OP posts:
diddl · 20/05/2017 09:21

If you feel up to finishing the cake, do you know anyone who would drive it there for you?

Maybe half way?

Serialweightwatcher · 20/05/2017 09:23

Very sorry for your loss ..... if she's an acquaintance, she's very lucky to have someone like you who would make the cake so cheaply when it involves 6/7 hours travel. If it's nothing major she can go and buy a cake - you shouldn't drive and you shouldn't pay for it to get there. Think it was very kind of you in the first place and if I had been her, there is no way I would have let you travel that far just for a cake. Don't feel guilty, it's unforeseen circumstances and she should understand if she doesn't, that kind of acquaintance wouldn't be missed Flowers

SnapAttack · 20/05/2017 09:23

Don't feel.guilty. if she isn't prepared to drive 6 hours then why was it ok for you ti drive 6 hours? That s crazy.

You were being too nice still doing it despite the new crazy distance... your aquaintance sounds a bit off to let you do this though.

But regardless. Situation has changed now and she can get a cake from somewhere else no problem.. stop worrying about it. Sorry about your loss

Serialweightwatcher · 20/05/2017 09:24

Sorry missed last page - you haven't let her down purposely - glad she understands, so don't feel bad

Shakirasma · 20/05/2017 09:38

Don't dwell on it OP, it's been sorted now put it in the past and focus on yourself and your family. Sorry for your loss Flowers

RiversrunWoodville · 20/05/2017 09:39

Oh so sorry about your Granddad Flowers the fact that you are even thinking of the cake at all shows how lovely you are. I hope that your friend is kind and here's some Brew and Cake of your own for you to be kind to yourself

RiversrunWoodville · 20/05/2017 09:39

Oh cross post glad she was fine about it

Trifleorbust · 20/05/2017 09:42

Don't offer to courier it! It is just a cake. She can get one anywhere. Apologise because you can't get there. Your grandad has just died. You need to take care of yourself now. Flowers

Trifleorbust · 20/05/2017 09:42

Oh good, glad it is sorted.

LadyGlitterSparklesSeriously · 20/05/2017 09:43

It's ok to cancel. Your grandad just died Sad

It's good that it isn't a centrepiece, it means she can fairly easily get a replacement from somewhere.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Mummmy2017 · 20/05/2017 09:45

Please, don't worry about the cake.

She has said it's Ok, and if you send her the cash back, she has time to go and shop for one, I think you may find the deliverer was more important than the cake..

So sorry about your loss.

PetalMettle · 20/05/2017 09:46

Don't feel like a let down, whilst I'm
Sure your cake would be delicious she can get one from a shop that'll be perfectly nice and there are very extenuating circumstances Flowers

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 20/05/2017 09:47

If I was the friend I'd be horrified that you're causing yourself so much stress about my cake when your granddad has only just died, and the last thing I'd want you to do is finish decorating it and then deliver it.

I'm glad she seems fine about it, so she should be.

If you can, go and be with your family at this time - so that they can support you and you can support them.

PuppyMonkey · 20/05/2017 09:54

Good grief folks this is a CAKE, everyone will be fine without it. This is the very definition of "due to unforeseen circumstances" .

Hope you're ok OP.Flowers

gamerchick · 20/05/2017 10:00

Honestly? How fucking dare they allow you to drive a 6 hour round trip to deliver a cake and then expect you to do it again!

That's what I was thinking. Are you a people pleaser OP? I mean it's nice sometimes but people will take advantage of you.

So sorry about your loss Flowers

TestTubeTeen · 20/05/2017 10:01

CaptainObvious, so sad about your Grandad. No one would feel remotely let down in these circumstances.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself.

Have you got any other London based commissions? If so cancel them with 6 weeks notice.

thepatchworkcat · 20/05/2017 10:05

It's a cake, it's not the end of the world, you've had a bereavement. She'll understand. Or she should do anyway, if she's any kind of decent person.

diddl · 20/05/2017 10:23

Glad that that's sorted out, Op.

Now you can start thinking about yourself.

BalloonDinosaur · 20/05/2017 11:01

Don't beat yourself up about it! As many others have said, it's just a birthday cake (though I'm sure what you made was lovely)

Take some time for yourself to grieve and get over the shock.

So sorry for your loss Flowers x

youarenotkiddingme · 20/05/2017 12:30

Don't feel bad. Any human with compassion would just take refund and drive to supermarket for another cake.

Bereavement trumps flour and eggs everytime imo.