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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to cancel this cake so last minute

80 replies

CaptainObviousTwo · 20/05/2017 08:10

A friend of a friend commissioned me to make her birthday cake for her, I made her sons a few weeks ago. Originally when she ordered it, I lived a few miles away but have since moved to the Midlands (they're in London). I kept my word, made the sons birthday cake and drove it down and was planning on doing so again today.
Its a 6-7 hour round trip.

My Granddad died in the early hours of this morning. He was quite elderly but its a huge shock. I'm not sure I'm good to drive to Tesco, let alone London.

Except I promised this cake to be in London at 3pm. I've still got some decorating left too.

WIBU to cancel? It seems like such a shit thing to do, and on her bloody birthday. Its a fairly simple cake, so not the centre piece or anything but I hate being so unreliable.

I have no idea what to text her and am feeling really panicky

OP posts:
CuppaSarah · 20/05/2017 08:27

I should add, don't even give this a second thought, no one would expect you to do this cake after loosing a family member. I imagine your friend would be horrified if you turn up the cake and feel so guilty.

Original poster
CaptainObviousTwo · 20/05/2017 08:28

I've messaged her explaining, asked for her details to refund.
I feel like such a cow. She really doesn't need the additional stress I'm sure.

OP posts:
JaneEyre70 · 20/05/2017 08:30

Please just text and explain. I would offer them the option of collection but you're giving them enough notice to go out and buy one. I'm so sorry for your loss - don't give the cake a second thought.

bumblingmum · 20/05/2017 08:31

You also don't need the extra stress. If you refund her, she can buy a very decent supermarket cake for that price. I'm sure she won't mind in the circumstances.
Sorry about your grandad Flowers

Astro55 · 20/05/2017 08:31

Look up 'same day delivery Birmingham to London'

Quick quote gives you options answers contact numbers - looks like £10 ish - but you need postcodes

BertrandRussell · 20/05/2017 08:31

If it's nearly finished, finish it and explain that it's done but you can't deliver it and ask her what she wants you to do. You never know- she might have a friend who could pick it up on her way to the party.

TheWitTank · 20/05/2017 08:31

Op, it's not terribly stressful having to go and buy a cake from a shop. Stop giving yourself a hard time Flowers

stonecircle · 20/05/2017 08:32

Additional stress?! It's a birthday cake for goodness sake. She'll survive!

YOU on the other hand need space to get over the shock of your grandad's death and time to grieve. It goes without saying that you shouldn't be driving today. Be kind to yourselfFlowers

StealthPolarBear · 20/05/2017 08:33

It's a birthday cake. If it was my birthday cake I'd feel dreadful you were stressing about it. Wedding cake I'd be a bit more stressed about a last minute cancellation (but would still understand! )

TheWitTank · 20/05/2017 08:34

It's not like they are in the back of beyond either. London has endless patisseries and supermarkets. M&S do some great looking cakes for that budget.

SoupDragon · 20/05/2017 08:35
Flowers

I think I would look into couriers.

rararaa · 20/05/2017 08:37

I would feel awful if I found out someone had delivered a cake to me under those circumstances. I would definitely want them to cancel. Tbh I think you were already going above and beyond to deliver a cake so far!

Its a birthday not a wedding. Don't worry about it at all.

Original poster
CaptainObviousTwo · 20/05/2017 08:37

I can't find a courier that would do a decorated cake, too fragile

OP posts:
Brokenbiscuit · 20/05/2017 08:38

I'm so sorry for your loss.Flowers

No reasonable person would expect you to deliver the cake under these circumstances. It's just a cake - it's no big deal.

Chunkymonkey9 · 20/05/2017 08:38

You were going to drive 6 hours to deliver a cake free of charge?
Sorry but that's madness! If a friend moved away who had promised to make a cake I would have been the one saying not to worry about the cake and will find someone closer!

PovertyPain · 20/05/2017 08:41

Sorry about your grandad.

Tbh, I'm more shocked that she expected you to make a cake and deliver it so far for such a pittance. I wouldn't be unduly concerned about her feelings, in this situation.

LagunaBubbles · 20/05/2017 08:44

I'm sorry got your loss but I can't get over the fact you were prepared to do a 6-7 hour drive to deliver a birthday cake! By the time you pay for petrol you will have made a loss! A wedding cake for a good friend I can understand but a birthday cake for an "aquaintice"....Shock

SoupDragon · 20/05/2017 08:45

Given no courier will take it, I wouldn't give it a second thought.

elfies · 20/05/2017 08:45

Its too far for the person wanting the cake to collect it , yet you were quite happy to drive all that way yourself ?
Your friend/customer should understand .

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 20/05/2017 08:46

For goodness sake you shouldn't be looking for a courier! Please put yourself first, just cancel and don't think anything more about it. She can pop out and get another cake, Waitrose do really lovely ones.

And if I were her, after you moved, I would have cancelled the cakes anyway. I wouldn't have wanted someone driving 150 miles for me, to deliver a cake!

diddl · 20/05/2017 08:54

Look after yourself, Op.

I have a feeling that you might get a not very nice reply, so steel yourself!

Most people wouldn't have asked for another cake after you were so good to do her son's from such a distance.

That was just taking the piss imo.

Hassled · 20/05/2017 09:04

I'm really sorry about your grandad. And everyone else is right - this is the least of your worries right now. She can buy a cake and if she's even a half-decent human she'll absolutely understand.

Downyander · 20/05/2017 09:05

I think anyone who has lost a family member should understand that you need not to take that long of a drive at the moment. If she really has to have the cake maybe she could have sent someone to pick it up if not herself. Don't be hard on yourself about this she will understand.

Topuptheglass · 20/05/2017 09:08

So 6 hours there & 6 back? Or 6 in total?

If she was happy for you to drive to her then maybe she'll drive to you?

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

SirRaymondClench · 20/05/2017 09:08

Honestly? How fucking dare they allow you to drive a 6 hour round trip to deliver a cake and then expect you to do it again!

If she has the nerve to be shitty with you in reply then just tell her to get fucked.
If you were round the corner that's one thing but you're not.

And I'm so sorry about your Granddad. I lost my Grandma on Thursday so I know how you're feeling Flowers