DH going to bed early

[Whack]

AIBU?

Obviously it's Friday night, DH and I have both worked all week but normal office hours. We had dinner at home at 7ish then went to watch a film which he chose. I was in the mood to be romantic, he wasn't. He has just gone to bed saying he's tired. He doesn't have to to be up early tomorrow neither of us have any plans.

I just feel like what a rubbish night. I make dinner, we watch an hour of a film not even the whole thing and he's off to bed leaving me on my own. This kind of thing happens a lot. AIBU to be annoyed by this? When he started saying how tired he was I was just thinking "you're a grown man, it's a Friday night can we at least try to make an evening of it?" I did say that as well and he just said he was tired. I'm bored.

Just read your last update - he sounds as boring as fuck.

We really love each other, he's a great husband in many ways, kind caring and trustworthy. I don't know if this is something I should just accept or try and push my agenda a bit. I would absolutely love to go somewhere tomorrow for a day out, anywhere, but I suspect we will end up indoors all afternoon. I could beg him to go somewhere but where's the fun in that?

He's sounding more selfish and self-centred by the minute and you don't even have children yet. He won't miraculously start being good company when he becomes a dad. You will have a very lonely life.

Please don't have a child with him. I know it's hard, but ot shouldn't be this rubbish already.

YABU and YABNU. I get how you feel. Are you lonely OP? My husband generally goes to bed earlier than me as he works more. Sometimes I feel desperately lonely but no one would keep me up if I needed to go sleep! It's torture trying to stay awake when you don't want to!!!!

I've already been flamed on here for saying it but I'm bored, not necessarily lonely.

Picture your life in 20 years...

You're young? blimey. Plenty of years to be like this. I don't think YABU OP.

You're bored now, op? How do you think you're going to feel in 20 years time? You'll be bored shitless!

Bored, and you might start feeling like he's bored of you too, which is even worse.

What can I do about it?

I thought you were being VU, but if he doesn't want to do anything with you even during the day at the weekend then that sounds like a problem.

I always used to go to bed and he would stay up till 1 or 2 in the morning. Now he falls asleep at the drop of a hat and snores as soon as he sits in a comfy chair or goes to bed (now, sometimes before me). We haven'y DTD in years, mainly because I can't be bothered.

However, we do go out for dinner or to gigs occasionally, have weekends away when we go for long walks and swill about in jacuzzis, go shopping together at weekends and are planning a road trip to California with our DS and his girlfriend this summer. Sometimes we just dance around the dining room together.

We are of an age when sex is not important anymore but we still enjoy doing things together. This, however, is not you. You have neither and you both deserve more. Sort this out before any children come along as it will only get worse if that happens.

Does he have a healthy diet? Does he take any vitamin? It helped me when I was regularly tired. Also, does he have quality sleep? Maybe he lack of iron. Perhaps you can get him some and see if it's helps him.

YANBU

My DH is really tired in the evenings. I always have been the party animal and Its difficult as I know that he naturally needs a lot of sleep, his dad does and unfortunately my daughter does too. BUT he gets fed up if i got out too much. When he goes out he can switch it on for his mates! At 9.00 tonight he said I"m going to bed... 9.00!!!! I could have gone out tonight but thought i'd stay in for a family night and we had a lovely time until 9.00.. ridiculous and really boring I feel you pain.

I doubt it's a health thing, if he's got the energy for his mates and the gym. I'm sorry but my experience would suggest even if you could change him for a while, he'd revert to this patter - he obviously prefers it. I'm so sorry

this doesn't sound a great start for having a baby. If you are already bickering, for lack of a better word, you have no idea how much worst it will be after the arrival of a baby.

Your DH is perfectly entitled to have early night, you are being unreasonable there. If you are bored, plan something else. You are a grown up, you shouldn't need another adult to entertain you.

The fact that he's never interested in spending a day with you is not great, sorry. What does he like? What did he do before he met you?
If he's just interested in watching tv and slob on the sofa, it might not be against you at all, just his preference.

I couldn't spend my life with someone like that, and it wouldn't work with the kids at all.

Talk with him, ask him what he wants to do, you should at least compromise: 1 day out, 1 day in sounds fair. Think very carefully about your life with a baby: he won't miraculously change. He shouldn't have to, but you need to be realistic.

He has never ever stayed up with me beyond say 11pm. (Usually not beyond 10pm, tonight obviously even earlier.)

Not being mean, but it's hardly a surprise tonight then, if it's like that every night. It must just be his natural pattern.

Boring, yes, I get that, but hard to change really.

Yanbu.

He sounds possibly depressed (?) or maybe you're just not very compatible in terms of your body clocks.

I'm like your DH, I often feel shattered and want to go to bed much earlier than him. But I do plan in movie nights and date nights so we can hang out and have fun. I make an effort.

. . That was much earlier than my DH, obvs.

Whack your experience really resonates with me. Feel free to send me a PM if you want

Not Theresa May, thanks

It's the lack of effort when it comes to meeting you half way that would worry me. If he stays up for something he enjoys, it suggests he doesn't value time with you.

Does he share the jobs around the house with you? Or do you cook and clean, while he plays?

As for what you can do about it... Well a lifetime can be a very long time. If you are already bored, it won't get better. It doesn't seem likely that he will change. And it's much harder to walk away when you have children. I think you can work it out from there, even if that's not the answer you want.

YANBU - this isn't a one off because he was tired and from your updates it's not even just about the evenings. You don't sound compatible at all. Sorry, I really don't want to sound all LTB but I have just seen a friend go through a similar situation and is so much happier having finally ditched an unsuitable 8 year relationship in which she was outgoing, wanted to
Go on day trips, have nights out etc...

Oh. I started out thinking YABU but if your OH is not working shifts and you're young and have no kids yet, why aren't you out painting the town red? We had a very early dinner and I'm knackered so I'm in bed, while DH is watching Broadchurch, but I'm pregnant and today's the first day in 3 weeks that I haven't thrown up. You both should be making more of this pre-baby / pre-pregnancy time.

Putting on my charitable hat, is he more willing to put on a show as it were for friends, but with you he's able to just admit he's tired? Does he need a health checkup and/or vitamins? Is the TTC getting very clinical (sometimes sex according to a calendar can feel downright unsexy)?

Talk to him OP, I don't think YABU at all now.

I guess you must feel rejected and like he's avoiding you if this has upset you so much, and I'm assuming its not a new thing? It sounds like generally you don't feel appreciated.

Does he know how you feel?

I think you need to start broadening your horizons OP - building your own life. Whether it works out with him or not, don't limit yourself by waiting for him to spend time with you.