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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have a job interview tomorrow and I just cannot see past my sadness and go

89 replies

sophiagrace27 · 19/05/2017 17:46

I feel like I've ran a marathon. I've had 40 failed interviews in a year and a half. I keep coming second or very close. I've never been successful though and there's no prizes for best runner up.

I am so bored being unemployed and feel like my life is on pause. I'm doing nothing and going nowhere. After each rejection I feel depressed, sad and I have such strong headaches I've been prescribed co codamol. I have frequent fainting and I'm so tired from crying I only just manage survive.

If I had a job I would be happy but getting one feels as likely as hell freezing over at this point.

I have my 42nd job interview invite for next week. I went for an interview last week, got to the building and just cried and cried and cried. Then I was numb. I felt nothing. I had neither the mental or physical strength to go in.

I am a real fighter but I didn't have the fight anymore.

I have tried to pick myself up enough to go next week but I just cannot see how I will make it through the interview. I have a worry that I will get into the room and start crying or faint.

Buyt if I can no longer go to job interviews I will stay like this forever.

Right now I'm thinking it would be better to move on from job interviews and accdept I will never get a job. I am a qualified professional but the jobs go to people employed in an agency capacity and already known to the interviewers. I am unable to join any agencies as I do not have a reference for a job I did 4 years ago and this is a requirement of all of them. I have tried applying for jobs below what I'm qualified for, temporary jobs, fixed term, etc etc etc. I only get interviews for jobs in my field. I also do well in interview but never get the job. Feedback is always positive.

Right noe I have no solutions, no coping mechanisms, I have no strength and do not see how I can go to this interview.

AIBU and where on earth do I go from here?

OP posts:
Original poster
sophiagrace27 · 19/05/2017 17:47

The interview is next week not tomorrow. Was thinking tomorrow was Monday!

OP posts:
ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 19/05/2017 17:51

Voluntary work to get a reference?

It sounds really tough op, it's horrible when you can't get your feelings under control. It's sounds like a vicious cycle.

Go to the interview though. Get there early and maybe do a guided meditation via your phone while you wait - headspace is great. That might be enough to prevent your body going into panic mode.

Original poster
sophiagrace27 · 19/05/2017 17:54

I'm not fit for voluntary work at the moment. I haven't got the mental energy. :-(

OP posts:
DJBaggySmalls · 19/05/2017 17:55

Go to the interviews without expecting to get the job, and I'm also going to nag you to see your GP. You sound like you have depression, and its treatable. Flowers

StealthPolarBear · 19/05/2017 17:56

Why can't you get a reference ft that job?

GlitterGlue · 19/05/2017 18:00

I think you've posted before? It is demoralising, but you've been given good advice that you don't seem to want to listen to? You could do voluntary work or work experience to close the cv gap and get another reference. You could get a reference from your course tutors.

You could look for work in a similar field to get some experience. Support worker, care assistant etc.

Chin up. It's hard, but keep going. Have you spoken to someone at the job centre to see if they can offer anything?

Original poster
sophiagrace27 · 19/05/2017 18:00

The agency I worked for have no record of me ever doing the job. The service has now closed down.

OP posts:
Original poster
sophiagrace27 · 19/05/2017 18:00

I haven't posted before

OP posts:
JennyOnAPlate · 19/05/2017 18:03

I think you need to go and see your gp op. If you go into interviews feeling like crying, I imagine it shows to the interviewers.

strawberryblondebint · 19/05/2017 18:14

Can we ask what type career you are in?

ILoveMyMonkey · 19/05/2017 18:27

Could you take someone with you for support? They could hang around for you so you know they'll be there to meet you afterwards as well. Sorry I can't suggest more than that, interviews suck and you've done so well getting to interview stage and going along to them all, it's no surprise that you feel deflated but you never know, this could be your day and you may get the job. Good luck I hope you can find the strength to keep going.

Lightship · 19/05/2017 18:34

Are the drugs doing this, or at least contributing? I remember going for an interview for a junior research fellowship when trying to withdraw from antidepressants too fast, and I could barely string a sentence together. To the point where one of the panel phoned me unofficially afterwards and asked what had gone on.

GlitterGlue · 19/05/2017 18:38

Well if you haven't posted before there is another social worker out there in exactly the same position.

lobsterface · 19/05/2017 18:43

See your gp and do some voluntary work. There's no quick fix but you need to find s way forward

smallandbrave · 19/05/2017 18:46

Glitter there are about a million people on MNet so entirely feasible that there are two people in a similar situation surely? Hmm

Could you go for some NLP or hypnosis OP? Friend of mine lost her confidence totally as had been out of the workplace for some time and it really helped her.

Good luck and yes GP a good idea too Flowers

strikhedonia · 19/05/2017 18:46

Seeing a GP wouldn't hurt, you do sound depressed.

What about temp work? It might not be super exciting, but it would bring you back into the work place and boost your confidence. I don't know your field, but in general there's no interviews for temps, usually a meeting with the agency but that's it. It sound strange that you never found any, but I don't know your geographic area or your field. If you go for basic roles, the requirement is usually to be available immediately!

It's difficult to help without more details, but good luck.

PeanutButterBunny · 19/05/2017 18:49

It's tough, and I've been there myself. Give yourself a little break but don't give up. I am now on the other side of the table and positive attitude is always a draw, sometimes more than skills or experience. Take care of yourself first, and try again when you feel better Flowers

needsahalo · 19/05/2017 19:01

I'm not fit for voluntary work at the moment. I haven't got the mental energy. :-(

If that's really the case, how are you fit for actual paid work?

You need support from your GP for anxiety/ depression n the first instance.

Original poster
sophiagrace27 · 19/05/2017 19:15

Well obviously I would be fine for paid work. Once I get a job I will be so happy I could almost fly! I'm only depressed because I'm unemployed.

OP posts:
witsender · 19/05/2017 19:23

I genuinely would look at voluntary work in a related field. It may only be a small amount of time commitment per week but would give a bump to you CV and experience, something to talk about at interview and will fill the void of unemployment.

wiselyvanilla · 19/05/2017 19:27

I'd try a job that wasn't in your field.
Anything? Retail?
If you could support yourself on that?
It might boost your confidence for a spell/ you might enjoy it? Flowers

Misstic · 19/05/2017 19:34

You will get that job. Believe it, believe in yourself. If you go into the interview downcast, your dejection will come across to the interviewers. Give the next interview a big fight. I'm routing for you. You can do it.

I can see why you are exhausted by the repeated disappointments bur you are clearly good because you are called for interviews. It is all about your interview techniques. So work on that and work on going in there with a positive 'this is MY job' attitude.

PersianCatLady · 19/05/2017 20:03

I'm not fit for voluntary work at the moment. I haven't got the mental energy. :-(
I don't see how you would be fit enough for paid work if you are not fit enough for voluntary work even though you say that you would be.

Is there any way you could do some voluntary work just for a few months to pick up some new skills and get a good reference?

PersianCatLady · 19/05/2017 20:08

Well obviously I would be fine for paid work
Sadly though it is a bit if a vicious circle, where it is hard to get a job when you are feeling so down and then you are feeling so down because you can't get a job.

Are you claiming benefits ATM because if you are then maybe the JCP could help you with interview skills and back to work skills??

QuintessentialShadow · 19/05/2017 20:09

Sorry but I think you need to look for some unpaid internships, or voluntary work just to get a reference you can use with agencies, and future employers. Not having worked, and not having a reference will always count against you. It must be soul destroying, but even a small voluntary role will be good for your cv at this point. No employment for 18 months, and not showing willingness to do voluntary work does not look good, I am afraid.