I have a job interview tomorrow and I just cannot see past my sadness and go

[sophiagrace27]

I feel like I've ran a marathon. I've had 40 failed interviews in a year and a half. I keep coming second or very close. I've never been successful though and there's no prizes for best runner up.

I am so bored being unemployed and feel like my life is on pause. I'm doing nothing and going nowhere. After each rejection I feel depressed, sad and I have such strong headaches I've been prescribed co codamol. I have frequent fainting and I'm so tired from crying I only just manage survive.

If I had a job I would be happy but getting one feels as likely as hell freezing over at this point.

I have my 42nd job interview invite for next week. I went for an interview last week, got to the building and just cried and cried and cried. Then I was numb. I felt nothing. I had neither the mental or physical strength to go in.

I am a real fighter but I didn't have the fight anymore.

I have tried to pick myself up enough to go next week but I just cannot see how I will make it through the interview. I have a worry that I will get into the room and start crying or faint.

Buyt if I can no longer go to job interviews I will stay like this forever.

Right now I'm thinking it would be better to move on from job interviews and accdept I will never get a job. I am a qualified professional but the jobs go to people employed in an agency capacity and already known to the interviewers. I am unable to join any agencies as I do not have a reference for a job I did 4 years ago and this is a requirement of all of them. I have tried applying for jobs below what I'm qualified for, temporary jobs, fixed term, etc etc etc. I only get interviews for jobs in my field. I also do well in interview but never get the job. Feedback is always positive.

Right noe I have no solutions, no coping mechanisms, I have no strength and do not see how I can go to this interview.

AIBU and where on earth do I go from here?

(1) consider getting some anti depressants to tide you over - and I don't say that lightly
(2) explore back to work courses and career coaching via local job centre
(3) can you get a trusted friend to look at your CV
(4) come back here and post 3 positive bullets about yourself professionally - as if you can't that's very telling as to
Your self esteem

Girl this is TOUGH I have helped a few friends though this - I know it's hard and not easy

But you can do this but you need some help

Read the advice here

Copy and paste into a document and bullet them

Then see if any feel possible to try

I also agree to volunteer for a few days to get your self esteem back x

I agree about trying for a volunteer role. I started volunteering 2 years ago and it has really boosted my confidence. I've had loads of training for free as well and have some decent stuff for my CV and a good reference.

What do you do OP?

Oh god thats horrible. No wonder youre depressed. Is temping an option? That got me out of a slump a few years ago. I know exactly what you mean.

I used to manage volunteers and had someone once who had been unemployed for a long time. Like you, he was desperate to get back into paid work and had many failed applications and interviews. His confidence was at rock bottom. He was absolutely lovely, a really dedicated volunteer and I spent a lot of time with him on breaks refining his cv etc and getting him onto courses. Volunteering really boosted his esteem and kept his skills up to date and eventually he did find work (though we were sorry to see him go!). It really is worth considering.

OP, my heart goes out to you. Can you give yourself a break and carve out a bit of mental space?

Maybe instead of voluntary work, do you have a friend who owns their own business whom you can help out during the day for a change of scene. Or take a course.

Can you tell us what you do?

I'm so sorry to hear this. I think you sounds depressed. I think some anti-depressants might lift you out of the despair again so you can gain some optimism again. You feel hopeless and helpless and that's depression. Are there people you can talk to, to offload? When you've picked up a bit see if you can get some advice from somewhere. You're so keen to work which I can understand. I'd be depressed without my work. I'm freelance and have got jobs by applying on spec by email. Is that something you can do? I've had many, many misses - people not even having the courtesy to reply to say no, thanks - but I've picked up work this way. I bombard the market though. For every 20 emails I might get 1 reply, for every 40 1 yes.

Remember this is now. It's not your life forever. don't know your city or hard it is there but are you in a position to move abroad, gain a new perspective, think up something self-employment. You have to be in the right frame of mind though. Get yourself better first. Good luck.

I don't think the problem is the OP's CV. It is good enough to get her to the interview stage. Sounds like how the OP comes across in interviews. Her lack of confidence and fatigue may be contributing factors.

I'm not a GP but would not advice anti-depressants. I think the OP might benefit from speaking to a coach or councillor.

There are a number of clues in the words the OP uses that indicate depression. I've had it and had the same feelings so recognise it could be that and sometimes it's not possible to just pull your socks up. She has no energy. Obviously the doctor will determine it but she definitely should go to her GP and ask and describe what she's described here in the same words as the hopelessness is strongly coming through. If the doctor thinks it's depression he'll prescribe them. They really worked for me.

Depression is a chemical thing. She won't get better from just speaking to someone. She needs that and possibly an anti-depressant. Sophiagrace go to your GP. They might be able to advise on who to talk to as well.

Like I said, I am not a GP and neither are you. Good idea for the OP to see a GP instead of being diagnosed via the internet. Disappointments and sadness can be debilitating without being depression.

Its v hard. But I would say you should attend the interview as if you do mess it up you don't lose anymore than if you cancel. If you've come second a lot then that shows you can come first.

And as for depression, don't allow Mumsnet to diagnose you, if you are concerned go to your GP.

Tsk, no one is diagonising her. They're suggesting it might be depression and saying go to the GP and if they say it's depression get some anti-depressants. Better to tell her to ask the GP about depression than say "I wouldn't advise anti-depressants". Depression is serious and needs addressing. The sooner she gets it sorted out the better. Disappointments and sadness do not debilitate you to this extent. The clues are in the OP's words, and it really sounds like it to me. She's in a complete fug by the sound of it. It won't go of it's own accord. And it might not even go if she got the next job she interviewed for.

I can see why you feel down. I went for an interview a few weeks ago. First one in 14 years and I was so gutted I didn't get it.
Keep fighting for what you want.

Voluntary work is not the answer at all. Silly suggestion. Voluntary does not help someone depressed due to unemployment. The only thing that can do that is paid work. For some voluntary work might help but I know when I was unemployed it made me feel worse. Ten times worse as it just reminded me that I didn't have paid work and I was working for nothing.

If you're trained in a professional job voluntary work is even more depressing as it doesn't use your qualification.

OP have you thought of doing some temping, just basic clerical stuff? It would get you back into "working mode", build your self-confidence and get you the chance of getting some references.

I don't agree that voluntary work is a silly suggestion. It clearly didn't work for you, rhiain, but lots of people find it helpful - it gets them out of the house, gives them some structure to their day, builds confidence, minimal pressure as they can leave at any time, can feel like they're giving back to the community, gains them additional experience for their cv, and a recent reference. It's not a replacement for paid work, but for many it's a useful step towards paid work.

For someone who was say looking to go into the social care sector there are lots of voluntary opportunities which would be of benefit.

Many areas will have a volunteer org like this who will have lists of opportunities. volunteerwestcheshire.org.uk/ Or try do-it.org/

Fair enough it didn't work for you but I agree that voluntary work isn't a silly suggestion. It helped me with my depression and anxiety when I was out of work. Might not work for op but not fair to dismiss it as silly.

Actually it really does depend on what voluntary work you do and how supportive the organisation is. Some charities do take the piss or don't have the resources to manage volunteers properly.

Voluntary work would help with the references issue.

Okay advice for the interview - really research the company and why you would want to work there - e.g. amazing reputation, leaders in the field, constantly innovating, you work in this area/doing this kind of work and I really enjoy that/have experience of it etc

Same for the job - have answers prepped for why you want it and why you'd be good at it - eg previous experience or experience you can apply to it 'I did xx for xx which requires xx skills/being good with people which applies to this role.

Think of examples of amazing work you have done and challenges you have over come with specific examples - weave these in whenever you can

What other skills do you have to bring to the party - eg in your spare time write a blog, do photography, organise a book club - just to show you have other talents they can draw on and get up and go

Work on these this weekend, write them down and memorise them!

Do you have anything you can take to the interview - eg portfolio - it's easier to talk through physical examples especially if you are nervous and might mind blank

Try getting some Bachs Rescue Remedy to help you stay calm/in control

Agree with PP - you may need some support/counselling. See your GP

You seem mentally unwell. Could you get a doctor to agree you are currently unfit to look for work and then try and claim ESA for a while? Apologies if that sounds naive as I don't know much about it. Look after yourself and take a little break from the treadmill. Don't think about jobs for a while then when you feel more at ease try volunteering, perhaps in a different field but in one you have an interest in. A few months down the line you might feel a little better. You have a lot to offer, but it can be brutal out there a and ANYONE would feel the same after 40 rejections. You will get there. Xx

What smallandbrave says is right, you can get a free 1 day taster of NLP in some cities with no obligation to sign up.

Temp work and voluntary work is good.

I hit a blip last and this year re bad job choices and now I'm temping in a long term role working for the government and couldn't be happier. It's not forever but is certainly great for now and my colleagues are lovely and big on training etc.

I personally don't think you're ready for a permanent job yet either.

Oh and some temp jobs if long term will give you a reference if they're pleased with your work. I had a high level PA (they call them EO) in government about 8 years ago offer to give me a reference when I covered for her role to Director General for 3 months whilst she had an operation. My current boss has also said she'd give me a reference too.