to be fed up of explaining everything to DP?

[kylalellogram]

DP has a decent career and is clearly not thick. Yet I have to explain everything to him always. From minor things like not chucking his red pants in with the white wash, to major things like I can't respect him when the DC don't. His DD aged 10 lives with us and we have a two and three year old together. He has no authority over DSD at all and argues with her a lot. She continues doing as she likes and he does nothing about it. Yesterday he asked her to bring her cup in from the garden, she said jokingly no you can get it. He started arguing saying if you don't listen I'll remove privileges/pocket money/cancel x,y,z and she smiled and said fine. He eventually huffed off and got the cup himself. There will be no consequence for DSD.

We got a rescue staffy just after Christmas and she's gorgeous. Our two year old is very boisterous so I've had to explain to DP to never leave them alone under any circumstances repeatedly, yet he still does. I've had to spell it out that DS will get bitten but he just seems to not listen until something goes wrong.

I'm a SAHM and a carer for our three year old who is disabled. I had to pay for our new dogs immunisations out of my carers allowance/DS' DLA and she also needs to be neutered but I just can't afford it. We have new carpets all downstairs so her coming into season is likely to ruin them but DP will complain when this happens yet won't prevent it by paying for the operation himself.

He's had a porn addiction in the past which I suspect has just gone undercover because his phone is completely locked down and secret. When we have sex he's immediately telling me to slow down or trying to withdraw and often over for him in less than a minute. I explained before that his porn addiction was affecting our sex life and therefore our relationship but he just doesn't see it and I doubt he'd do anything about it unless I tell him I'll leave him over it.

He'll let the DC walk around with pens/scissors/glue and I have to explain why not to do so. I have no access to his money and my only pair of shoes are soaked from the rain which he knows, yet he will not give me any money for new ones unless u specifically explain and ask. It's been raining here all week and we're running out of clothes. I asked DP to hang the clean wet clothes on the radiators while I was cooking dinner. I then had to explain that he would also need to put the heating on so they'd dry

AIBU to not want to have to state the obvious for the rest of my life?

I wanted to get the dog issue cleared up before it derailed the thread, that's all. I'm aware it's all disastrous.

I'm not normally one to comment LTB as that's usually not a helpful or proper answer, but in your case OP I truly think it is.

Your issues are much more than you having to explain things to him, tbh I don't think you do have to explain anything to him, I think it's just him being lazy as he knows in the end you'll just do everything yourself (like keeping the small child and the dog separate at all times) and on top of this he's financially abusive.
It sounds to me like he has pretty much used you in order to get himself back on his feet financially after his divorce, and now he's sorted he's being tight, but it's not acceptable to be tight when it comes to your family.

If you think he's the kind of person that can change then it's worth trying to sit down and have a proper conversation about all of this; money, parental responsibilities, shaping himself instead of acting stupid so you end up doing everything yourself etc. and hopefully he will see the error of his ways and shape up.
It's my experience though that men like this don't ever change and you are much better trying to start the ball rolling now on putting a plan in place to leave this man. Even if that's not possible for you to do in the near future, at least you know you're doing something about your situation to be able to leave him eventually.
I hope things get better in some way for you soon OP.

Thank you Just getting the DC dinner and he's due home soon so I'll post more later.

A staffy and a 2 & 3 year old. Oh dear. This is seriously bad judgment. Sorry, but I look after dogs for a living, and I don't take this breed ever. I know there are lots of people who will say they have a staffy and it's fine, but you don't know the background of this dog. The fact it was a rescue worries me (there would be a reason someone got rid of it). You don't have the time to devote to it's training. And you say that your DP leaves the 2 year old alone with the dog. Accident waiting to happen.

The fact he doesn't listen is the least of your problems.

He's financially abusive. Lazy. Puts the children in potentially dangerous situations. Is a rubbish parent.

In your situation you need to place the dog in a better home, I think the other posters have got it right by explaining it was a ridiculous idea to get a dog.

LTB.

Yes, he's a monumentally selfish, useless git.

But you really don't help yourself OP.

He sounds awful OP. Are you sure you want to stay with him?

As long as you keep up this martyr act where you tell yourself you're the one with common sense and he's just a useless man, you will continue this situation.

Wake up OP. He's not stupid, or lacking in common sense, or any of that. The area where is he failing is giving any shits about you and his kids.

ok - this is all the bad, whats the good? surely there must be some, afterall you have 2 children with him?

has he changed ?

He doesn't need any if it explaining to him. He likes control - controlling you to do everything without any respect for you or your DC. The dog is a side issue. He is a lazy, selfish good for nothing who financially and emotionally abuses you. As PP said, get your big girl pants on & kick him out. You will be so much better off in every respect.