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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

popping in when you've just had a baby

33 replies

musicmomma · 19/05/2017 12:07

I work from home and my clients all come to me, so they know where I live. I've gone on maternity leave and gave birth a few weeks ago. They all asked to be told when baby arrived so I sent out an email to say 'he's here!' Plus picture etc. Since then a lot of them have asked to pop in, to which I have very politely said no, as I am exclusively breastfeeding round the clock every two hours, as I'm sure many of you are familiar with. Still, some have popped in anyway as they were 'just passing' so I have had to answer the door in various states of undress, baby crying etc. Aibu to think it's a tad rude? Family etc is one thing, but professional clients its really embarrassing!

OP posts:

peppatax · 19/05/2017 12:08

So don't answer the door if it's not convenient?

Fruityflapjack · 19/05/2017 12:11

Ah that's hard on you. I really understand that everyone (well most people) love to see a new baby and indeed the mother to offer congratulations.
Perhaps pop a note on the door saying do not disturb, baby sleeping? They may get the hint and go away. Then you can schedule a time for them to come over once you are comfortable.
Congratulations btw

MamaHanji · 19/05/2017 12:11

That's crazy. Don't answer the door and send an email politely asking them not to turn up uninvited even if they happened to have plans right outside your house. Or 'stop invited yourself round. I've just had a fucking baby you nosy bastards!'

MamaHanji · 19/05/2017 12:12

And congratulations!

usernoidea · 19/05/2017 12:16

People do the strangest things?! Yes I think it's rude. Could you put a note on the door maybe? That's why I did.....
Congrats. Try not to worry about this and take each day as it comes with newborn....it can be a real shock to the system x

ChildishGambino · 19/05/2017 12:20

Congratulations! Just don't answer the door. I don't if I'm feeding DD or in the middle of a nappy change and I regularly ignore my phone. Unplug your doorbell.

ChildishGambino · 19/05/2017 12:21

Or take the knocker off. It pisses me off no end when DD has -just- dropped off and someone bangs on the door.

PinkFluffiUnicorn · 19/05/2017 12:29

Maybe send another email round, saying something like,
while it's lovely to see some of you, I'm sure you can appreciate that with a few of you popping in through out the day, I'm not getting the rest and recuperation I need, thank you all for your well wishes and I will be in touch when I Finnish maternity leave.
Congratulations

Original poster

musicmomma · 19/05/2017 12:30

Re not answering the door - I have a disability and post natal anxiety so the mw/hv/home help/mum visit everyday sometimes a few a day and I can never remember when so I open the door expecting it to be one of those but lo and behold it's a client who is now seeing me, well, two weeks post natal which ain't pretty! In my case anyway lol 😁 I probably am being u but I'm a very private person and am religious about not mixing personal and professional. I told them all I'd had the baby as they were all asking me all the time I thought a quick email would sort that but now the visits. I know they all mean well and are being very kind in visiting, but I'm just a bit embarrassed! Especially when in pjs in the afternoon

OP posts:

frazzlebedazzle · 19/05/2017 12:33

YANBU, I would absolutely hate this.

Give your welcome guests a secret knock?

ChildishGambino · 19/05/2017 12:36

Or ask the people who are invited to knock on the back door instead?

DeanKoontz · 19/05/2017 12:39

Get the expected people to text you instead of knocking and ignore the door. Def add a post to facebook telling people not to visit.

I would have hated this. I happily hid in the back room and ignored the door even when it probably was family.

Enjoy your baby bubble!

eurochick · 19/05/2017 12:42

Put a note on the door saying "mum and newborn napping - please do not knock". Tell those you are expecting to ignore the note.

nat73 · 19/05/2017 12:44

Leave a note on the door 'Baby Sleeping - please do not disturb'.

They should get the hint. Friends of DH invited themselves round when DC1 was about a week old despite me asking them not to. I was very angry! We had had a very difficult first week due to medical issues and DH was suffering from depression / anxiety so I think his friends thought they were helping but they just added to our / my stress (DH is OCD so the last thing you need is visitors...).

TheMysteriousJackelope · 19/05/2017 12:45

Tell people who you are expecting to phone or text when they are close to the door.

Don't answer to anyone else.

Anyone who came to see me after my DC were born were considerate enough to check it was a good time before turning up once I was home. The ones who randomly showed up at the hospital and stayed for three hours (in one case) cause me to empathize with you.

NameChange30 · 19/05/2017 12:45

I think you should send a politely worded email to say you're not up to visits yet. You could pencil in a date for an "open afternoon" - friends of ours did this and it worked well - they gave a window of a few hours when they'd be home, and said people could pop in. They got lots of visits out of the way in one go, and people didn't stay long. You could give them a provisional date for a month's time or so, and say that you'll see how you're doing and confirm nearer the time. I'm sure people will respect your wishes and be patient if you make it clear they'll be welcome but just not yet!

Congratulations on your baby btw, and I hope your anxiety eases soon. Are you having CBT?

hazeydays14 · 19/05/2017 12:46

Agree with sending a nicely worded email like PinkFluffiUnicorn suggested. It's professional and gives no room for 'buts'.

My closest friend has just had a little one and I wouldn't drop in on her without checking it's okay first, it's beyond rude to just show up uninvited when you know someone is dealing with a huge change like having a newborn!

Congratulations btw

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 19/05/2017 12:49

It's annoying enough when friends and family 'pop in'. Worse when you have a newborn and worst still when it's clients! Wth are they thinking?!

expatinscotland · 19/05/2017 12:53

What Pink suggests.

Original poster

musicmomma · 19/05/2017 12:56

I think an email is in order, I feel ungrateful as a lot of them have brought gifts etc! But like I said I'm not very well and dealing with crippling pna so I just can't really face clients right now whom I have to smile and behave professionally in front of.

OP posts:

Goingtobeawesome · 19/05/2017 13:01

Maybe better to ask the new mum to text you when she's ready for visitors. When you text to ask if conveneint the new mum might find it hard to say no.

FreeNiki · 19/05/2017 13:03

Email them all and say you'll come and see them when you're up and about but not up for visitors right now

hellomoon · 19/05/2017 13:04

you don't have to feel ungrateful at all - they obviously think a lot of you and are well meaning, so I'm sure they will take it on the chin if you gently asked them to let you know before popping in.

maybe something like this 'was so lovely to see some of you recently and just wanted to say thanks so much for the lovely well wishes and gifts you have brought for me an XX. I'm slowly getting to grips with the new mum thing and might make it out of my PJ's before bedtime before long! Hope to attempt some baby classes soon, so if you are thinking of popping by at some point, drop me a text so you don't have a wasted journey'

That should get the point across...

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 19/05/2017 13:07

For goodness sake what is wrong with people!! How bloody rude and silly. They could pop a card in without knocking. Send the email and enjoy cuddling that baby

blue2014 · 19/05/2017 13:08

They are being really inappropriate and you aren't ungrateful at all!

Yes, send the email round

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