What would you do: babies or travel

[bee123p]

You are late twenties.

High powered job, good boss, lots of potential to go part time. Not a fulfilling role, been watching jobs for nearly two years but nothing right has come up. Losing sense of self and impacting on mental health.

Worked since 18, watched friends go travelling or have babies. Wanted to travel when younger but husband didn't want to. More tied down with mortgage and jobs now.

Stable marriage, very low mortgage. Option to remortgage minimal amount to free up funds for a better life.

Always wanted to be a mother, but keep delaying as it gets nearer the time agreed. Husband desperate for children. Your parent is elderly with some health conditions and you want them to be around for your children as they grow up. Have a health condition yourself that may impact on fertility.

Feeling lost. Current situation absolutely not working, It's like running on a treadmill and could fall off at any moment. What would you do?

[savagehk]

On the flipside how would you feel if parent died before children or when children were very young? I've lost both parents unexpectedly, one before kids and one between kids.

[bee123p]

Thank you all.

Badgers - that's great! Congrats on your pregnancy :)

Savagehk - I'd regret my parent not being around more, without question. I suspect it's time do something about one or both of these issues. I'm wasting time faffing about doing things that don't make me particularly happy.

[specialsubject]

You definitely need to change something.

Do YOU want babies? If you found you were pregnant, how would you feel? Babies ' later' can mean 'actually don't want to...' Although I hope you do to match your husband.

There is time to do both if you get sprogging soon, although there may not be money after 20 years of child rearing.

I wish you luck in whatever you choose.

[Neverknowing]

I would go travelling, I had a baby young and dont regret it as I'm not a travelling type of person. I doubt you'll ever go with children though so go travelling and then when you're home and it's out of your system, try for a baby. That's what I would do, otherwise you might resent the baby because you could never do what you wanted to do.

[YouWhatMate]

How long do you want to travel for? Most people can't afford more than 6 months or so, and that's basically nothing to put off having babies for.

[bee123p]

Thank Specialsubject - I absolutely do. I think part of what is holding me back is not feeling grown up enough, and the other part is the sense of running out of time I guess. I don't feel like I've achieved much with my life. I was very much given the special snowflake treatment as a child, and it's hard to get your head out of the idea that you are destined for 'greatness'. I'm snorting at myself as I write this! I love children but I'm worried motherhood will only make this feeling of being lost slightly worse. I don't know.

[BusyBee2017]

Travel first because you won't be able to do much whilst travelling with young kids anyway

Enjoy travel for now

Kids change your life completely

[YouWhatMate]

BTW OP, I'm 31 and had my first child when I was 30. I was ready and desperate to start a family at 27/28, but my OH (who is more of a worrier than me) insisted we save up more money and get into a bigger place first.

Those 3 years were PLENTY of time to go travelling or do whatever, and I don't feel any different now than I did then anyway. I still feel like the same person I was then, except I'm glad we waited.

[BusyBee2017]

I had a baby at 33 & 35! Travelled before and don't regret it.

Now holidays with kids will be staying in one place all inclusive ..

Before kids you can explore to your hearts content

[bee123p]

Neverknowing - thanks for this. Bottling up what I wanted hasn't served me terribly well so far. I don't want to end up resentful.

YouWhat - I'd probably like to go for three to six months. You're right, it's not long to put off babies for. I guess I'm a bit worried about not being able to get a sabbatical? Not all employers are as family friendly as mine is, I'd worry about leaving it entirely, much as it is driving me insane at the moment. I'm caught in that cycle though.

[ChangingStates]

Travel for 6 months- travelling with kids is amazing but travelling without is fantastic if you can. Can always start trying in the last month of travel. Or travel while trying on the understanding of you fell pg you could stop travelling if you wanted to

[bee123p]

Thanks Changing and Busy. I feel like it could wait a few months, it's just giving myself permission to do something. To make a change that feels a bit scary. What I'm doing now is breaking me a bit.

[blue2014]

3-6 months?! That's nothing. Definitely travel - if you want to you can be trying to be pregnant whilst travelling anyway?

Travel, without question

[PoloStar]

A friend from college went travelling with her husband immediately after they got married in their mid/late twenties. They went to S America as he had family contacts out there, with plans to stay away for at least a year. She unexpectedly got pregnant after 2 months, so they had to come home, as they wanted the baby to be born near grandparents. Hasn't stopped them travelling - she went climbing in the Himalayas after the 2nd baby was born.

What I'm trying to say is, that the best laid plans may not work but you don't know if you don't try!

[BadToTheBone]

Travel, I did. I had my babies at 34 and 38, I'm 50 now and regret nothing.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying this is absolutely the right way to do things, they were just right for me.

[Headofthehive55]

I know several women struggling to get pregnant late twenties, early thirties. I conceived easily at 26, struggled at 29 and there on after.

[SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn]

Travel might help you gain fresh perspective on your life and achievements. It makes everyday a bit of an adventure and you'd be overcoming challenges and gaining confidence. It's different travelling with children - less spontaneous (still fun but in a different way). At the moment it seems as though you're living with self imposed deadlines which somehow leave you feeling that you're not hitting key targets. Travel helps you spend a while living in the moment which is no bad thing.

[bee123p]

Time to get on with things I think! Thank you all for your replies.

Suki - I hadn't thought of it like that, thank you. A bit of living in the moment is probably exactly what I need, frankly. It's hard to think clearly in this situation.

[RufusTheRenegadeReindeer]

We travelled first til about 27 and then we tried for ds1

It took us two years but we managed it in the end

Good luck with whatever your choose

[badgersnotincluded]

Good luck, OP!

[bumblingmum]

Travel!
Even if you do it for 6 months. It sound like financially it would be possible. If you go for babies first, travelling after is always a different experience.
I travelled and wish I had done more. And at least you have made a dent in your mortgage so you are not starting from scratch when (if?) you return.

[SwimmingMom]

20s is for travel, money can be earned back later
30s is for babies!

40s is to wish you'd done more in your 20s and 30s rather than waste your youth on a job!!!

[Fortifiedwithvitaminsandiron]

Bloody hell, travel without a doubt. Green with envy at the very thought...... a year out to travel the world, find a new perspective and get off the treadmill is a much different experience when you aren't doing it with kids.

Live your life. Love it. Your kids will thank it for making you the Mum you'll be xxxxx

[AlpacaLypse]

I've only skim read this thread... but I did the babies and the travel with babies afterwards. I think it made me the person I am today. I know I learnt more about myself when trying to book a room in German during a thunderstorm with wailing twins and succeeded than any other life experience.

[BeepBeepMOVE]

Travel first!