What would you do: babies or travel

[bee123p]

You are late twenties.

High powered job, good boss, lots of potential to go part time. Not a fulfilling role, been watching jobs for nearly two years but nothing right has come up. Losing sense of self and impacting on mental health.

Worked since 18, watched friends go travelling or have babies. Wanted to travel when younger but husband didn't want to. More tied down with mortgage and jobs now.

Stable marriage, very low mortgage. Option to remortgage minimal amount to free up funds for a better life.

Always wanted to be a mother, but keep delaying as it gets nearer the time agreed. Husband desperate for children. Your parent is elderly with some health conditions and you want them to be around for your children as they grow up. Have a health condition yourself that may impact on fertility.

Feeling lost. Current situation absolutely not working, It's like running on a treadmill and could fall off at any moment. What would you do?

[thesparkthatbled]

Travel 100%.
One of the happiest moments of my life is messing about in the sea at the start of my travels (aged 28) when it occurred to me that I was completely free of responsibility for the next 8 months, that I could do what I wanted whenever. Bliss.
You wouldn't get that traveling with children, as you always have to be 'on' with kids in tow, putting their needs before your own.
If you're itching for the carefree spontaneous traveler experience (which it sounds like you are) then I'd say definitely go for it and get it out of your system, come home, settle down and make those lovely babies . You have plenty of time.

[EveEve13]

Take some risks! Think it when you are 69-79-89? What do you want to have done?

Take leave and travel for 6 months then try for baby - best of both worlds and get your family to met you in places for mini breaks. Be bold!

[icy121]

Took me 3 years to get pregnant, needed ivf. 29 now. Glad I started trying at 26, as starting at 30 would've meant less likelihood of it working as eggs age etc.

[puglife15]

My advice is stop bloody worrying and just go for it!

Ask about a sabbatical next week. The worst they can say is no. And it's far easier to retrain when you're young and childfree too.

Having been traveling and had kids I would 100% travel first. Judging by your posts you are very good at finding barriers and reasons not to do what you want to do, and kids are the ultimate reason - even going on holiday for a week can feel like a huge effort with two little ones.

Stop procrastinating!

[RebelandaStunner]

We chose to travel first. Backpacked and worked abroad, then got a house and went on lots of luxury holidays in tropical places, sightseeing, clubbing and big cities.
Then DC.
Then abroad as a family 2-3 times a year once youngest was 3-4.

[londonrach]

Did as badger..travelled first. Learnt so much about the world and myself and bonded as a couple. Dd in my 40s. As we travelled and coped with things going wrong its really helped with dd. Glad i did it that way around but each to their own.

[bee123p]

Thank you all, you've been so kind! Most people I know are too close to the situation, so it's been very difficult to discuss with anyone. I need to work out the logistics with jobs and remortgaging, but I'm beginning to think I should go for it. We could pursue both in the next year if I stop drifting by!

Alpaca - this is DH's preferred option. Thank you for getting in touch - glad to hear it was fulfilling. This could well be an option we go for.

Swimming - thank you! This is what I'm concerned about at the moment. I already have that feeling of not knowing where the time has gone?!

OverOn - DH is a little bit older, think he's working on a self-set timescale too. We met very young, so have grown up together. He regrets not going when I originally mentioned it, but would only go now for my sake. He is absolutely prepared to do it though, recognises that I've given up a lot. We missed out on living somewhere I really wanted to live while the property markets changed too, and he knows that I've sacrificed my wants for his. He's a good egg and I adore him, just opinionated (as we all are, I suppose).

[Glastokitty]

Travel first, its an absolute no brainer. Another six months or year won't make much difference when having babies. As an old gimmer of 47 I can confirm that SwimmingMom has it absolutely spot on.

[OverOn]

I'd travel too, having babies a year or two later when you're in your 20s anyway is really not going to make much difference to your energy levels etc.

Out if interest - is your DH younger/same age/older? If he's older, did he do any travelling, more holidays before you got together? Has he got it out of his system whilst you haven't (or did he just want to crack on with work)

[BeepBeepMOVE]

Travel first!

[AlpacaLypse]

I've only skim read this thread... but I did the babies and the travel with babies afterwards. I think it made me the person I am today. I know I learnt more about myself when trying to book a room in German during a thunderstorm with wailing twins and succeeded than any other life experience.

[Fortifiedwithvitaminsandiron]

Bloody hell, travel without a doubt. Green with envy at the very thought...... a year out to travel the world, find a new perspective and get off the treadmill is a much different experience when you aren't doing it with kids.

Live your life. Love it. Your kids will thank it for making you the Mum you'll be xxxxx

[SwimmingMom]

20s is for travel, money can be earned back later
30s is for babies!

40s is to wish you'd done more in your 20s and 30s rather than waste your youth on a job!!!

[bumblingmum]

Travel!
Even if you do it for 6 months. It sound like financially it would be possible. If you go for babies first, travelling after is always a different experience.
I travelled and wish I had done more. And at least you have made a dent in your mortgage so you are not starting from scratch when (if?) you return.

[badgersnotincluded]

Good luck, OP!

[RufusTheRenegadeReindeer]

We travelled first til about 27 and then we tried for ds1

It took us two years but we managed it in the end

Good luck with whatever your choose

[bee123p]

Time to get on with things I think! Thank you all for your replies.

Suki - I hadn't thought of it like that, thank you. A bit of living in the moment is probably exactly what I need, frankly. It's hard to think clearly in this situation.

[SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn]

Travel might help you gain fresh perspective on your life and achievements. It makes everyday a bit of an adventure and you'd be overcoming challenges and gaining confidence. It's different travelling with children - less spontaneous (still fun but in a different way). At the moment it seems as though you're living with self imposed deadlines which somehow leave you feeling that you're not hitting key targets. Travel helps you spend a while living in the moment which is no bad thing.

[Headofthehive55]

I know several women struggling to get pregnant late twenties, early thirties. I conceived easily at 26, struggled at 29 and there on after.

[BadToTheBone]

Travel, I did. I had my babies at 34 and 38, I'm 50 now and regret nothing.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying this is absolutely the right way to do things, they were just right for me.

[PoloStar]

A friend from college went travelling with her husband immediately after they got married in their mid/late twenties. They went to S America as he had family contacts out there, with plans to stay away for at least a year. She unexpectedly got pregnant after 2 months, so they had to come home, as they wanted the baby to be born near grandparents. Hasn't stopped them travelling - she went climbing in the Himalayas after the 2nd baby was born.

What I'm trying to say is, that the best laid plans may not work but you don't know if you don't try!

[blue2014]

3-6 months?! That's nothing. Definitely travel - if you want to you can be trying to be pregnant whilst travelling anyway?

Travel, without question

[bee123p]

Thanks Changing and Busy. I feel like it could wait a few months, it's just giving myself permission to do something. To make a change that feels a bit scary. What I'm doing now is breaking me a bit.

[ChangingStates]

Travel for 6 months- travelling with kids is amazing but travelling without is fantastic if you can. Can always start trying in the last month of travel. Or travel while trying on the understanding of you fell pg you could stop travelling if you wanted to

[bee123p]

Neverknowing - thanks for this. Bottling up what I wanted hasn't served me terribly well so far. I don't want to end up resentful.

YouWhat - I'd probably like to go for three to six months. You're right, it's not long to put off babies for. I guess I'm a bit worried about not being able to get a sabbatical? Not all employers are as family friendly as mine is, I'd worry about leaving it entirely, much as it is driving me insane at the moment. I'm caught in that cycle though.