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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We already have 5 kids, I want 6, he doesn't.

92 replies

INeedAGinOrTen · 18/05/2017 19:44

Aibu? I would love another child. We already have a larger than average family having 5 children but my maternal body clock is ticking away loudly and I would absolutely love another. We have all girls. Hubby thinks I'm mental, that we have our hands more than full enough already. Aibu to feel really angry at him and like I have no choice. We are financially ok, have a good lifestyle and don't really go without so affordability isn't in question. We do have children with SEN so life can be hard work and quite hectic but we seem to do well with that. I know everyone will say I should just be happy with the family I have and I know that, if I could turn it off I would but I can't help how I feel.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 18/05/2017 21:26

Iam oh I understand that, but my point is that if he doesnt get that the OP is feeling down about it and he needs to be supportive then there is a bigger issue, not that he should necessarily know how it feels iykwim.

e1y1 · 18/05/2017 21:27

YABU - what are you going to get from a 6th child that you haven't got from the previous 5?

Iamastonished · 18/05/2017 21:27

Ah, I see Pyongggyang

Iamastonished · 18/05/2017 21:28

Oops, sorry about all the Gs

Original poster
INeedAGinOrTen · 18/05/2017 21:36

E1y1 - it's not about getting anything from them. I love them all more than life itself, I can't help the way I feel. We have a great family and a great life and yes I'd love to add to that. I have already twice in this thread admitted that I am BVU and have got some more perspective from all of the helpful advice.

OP posts:
QueenOfFlatShoes · 18/05/2017 21:42

I wasn't sure and he was

You weren't sure about having 5 but you are sure about having six?

Original poster
INeedAGinOrTen · 18/05/2017 21:46

I wasn't sure and he was

You weren't sure about having 5 but you are sure about having six?

Yes, I was worried that it would be too much but it wasn't.

OP posts:
bigbuttons · 18/05/2017 21:50

I have 6. I hD them all within 8 years. The youngest is now 10 and when he was about a year old I was desperate for another. My now ex dp was adamant we couldn't afford it. I was distraught.
Now I am glad that I've got 6. 7 would have been find but by god they are hard work as pre teens and teens.
The other day one of mine asked me if I would have another given the chance and God answer was an unequivocal "no". I am tired of all the young kid activities and am enjoying the fact that I can move on to the next stage of my life.

Vrooooom · 18/05/2017 21:54

Yabu and it's unfair of you to be angry at your DH for not wanting to have another child to placate your maternal drive.

When your D.C. are teens and adults you realize that there is so so much more to having kids than the hectic baby years. I'm sure you already know this but it's easy to get wrapped up in the craziness of little kids you can forget to see the bigger picture.

Vrooooom · 18/05/2017 21:56

Sorry I cross posted..... I am a slow poster 😬

CoolCarrie · 18/05/2017 21:56

Don't you think you have enough children already? Especially if your dh honestly feels he wants no more? Take his feelings in to consideration, it isn't just about you.

Yokohamajojo · 18/05/2017 21:58

Get a dogSmile I only have two dc got a dog instead of the third! Much harder work but lots of love

Original poster
INeedAGinOrTen · 18/05/2017 22:01

We have a dog 😬

OP posts:
Iamastonished · 18/05/2017 22:03

A cat then? Grin

Okite · 18/05/2017 22:03

Ah, I loved the baby/toddler years. I was really good at it, SAHM, did all the messy play, crafting, baking, building dens etc. So much easier then when they get older!
We have three but would have had more were it not for health issues which have come crashing into our world. Now I'm very glad I didn't have more as coping with the ones we have is enough.
I still miss those days though, and sigh wistfully whenever I see a baby or toddler. Mine are still just about small enough for cuddles and I make sure I treasure every last one.

GrandDesespoir · 18/05/2017 22:10

...I have no choice.

But you do have a choice. Many people don't, for all sorts of reasons. And you are very fortunate to be in that position.

You will obviously have to stop at some point. Five children is already a lot - why do you need six?

PuckeredAhole · 18/05/2017 22:12

I feel I owe it to my two dc not to have any more children. I could not possibly give them the attention and time they deserve with more children in the mix. Can you with 5? Honestly?

DarthMaiden · 18/05/2017 22:19

It sounds like you are re-thinking this OP.

I really understand how you feel, but as I think you realise, you do need to find a way to lose all this anger towards your DH.

There's a lot to be said for hormones Smile but the thing to remember that we should make choices with our brain and that includes a boob job Wink.

Best of luck Flowers

Crumbs1 · 18/05/2017 22:35

I've got six young adults. My family simply didn't feel complete until we had the last one. We'd agreed prior to marriage that we'd take whatever children we were lucky enough to conceive with gratitude and pleasure so never had the who does/doesn't want another issue. Meant we were clear from outset that we'd take a child with known disability to term as well so no angst about prenatal testing. Life seemed so simple then. Mine were delightful teenagers, on the whole. Never once have I regretted the sixth.

Vrooooom · 18/05/2017 22:54

I wonder if having so many DC would cause a strain on a marriage. I feel like it would end up that everything would be about the kids. I have four and sometimes they seemed to take over. I love them to bits but Im happy that they are older now and DH and I can do non kid things.

Blossomdeary · 18/05/2017 22:58

I wanted 6; we had 3. My body was telling me to give it a rest and I obeyed; but I was heartsore.

It is just an instinct and sometimes hard to resist for some. Listen to that OH of yours - who knows he might be right?! But certainly do not be cross with him! He is just putting across his view and not trying to thwart your wishes. Enjoy the 5. I had all girls and they are the kindest and most caring of people - and they are very family-oriented which is lovely for us all.

Panic not - you will blink and the granchildren will be popping out!

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/05/2017 04:35

I had one, I wanted two. But my body told me otherwise. It was hell. And having a very active and sociable child is incredibly difficult as I'm chronically ill. You will get through this but you have to work through this.

PitilessYank · 19/05/2017 04:47

i disagree that it gets more difficult as kids become teenagers; my four kids were much harder work when they were little and are as easy as pie as teenagers.

LaLegue · 19/05/2017 05:01

This reply has been deleted

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intheknickersoftime · 19/05/2017 05:03

I think when you're body clock winds down and you know there isn't long left before you know you won't have that feeling of creating a new life it's natural to feel sad. It's a very powerful urge probably for good reason in nature. I do remember feeling like that after having my third but I knew it would be crazy for us to have a fourth. I'm 46 now and I have two teenagers and a nine year old. I feel like I'm in a new period in my life now I'm working. It's nice to be out of the baby and toddler stage Smile

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