We already have 5 kids, I want 6, he doesn't.

[INeedAGinOrTen]

Aibu? I would love another child. We already have a larger than average family having 5 children but my maternal body clock is ticking away loudly and I would absolutely love another. We have all girls. Hubby thinks I'm mental, that we have our hands more than full enough already. Aibu to feel really angry at him and like I have no choice. We are financially ok, have a good lifestyle and don't really go without so affordability isn't in question. We do have children with SEN so life can be hard work and quite hectic but we seem to do well with that. I know everyone will say I should just be happy with the family I have and I know that, if I could turn it off I would but I can't help how I feel.

YABU to be angry towards your partner. I know its tough but we all have to face the sadness of our last baby.

You'll have to face the end of having more babies sometime, why not face it now. I don't think you'll be satisfied with six to tell you the truth.

YABVVU. Hth (hope that helps)
Btw, we also have 5, 2 with SEN (one diagnosed one on the waiting list). I get broody and like daydreaming about more, but then wake up to reality. There isn't any space left in the car

The one who doesn't want more overrides the one who does. Regardless of how many you have. Sorry.

At some point you are going to have your last child.

Are you sure you would not feel the same after baby number 6?

From a purely practical point of view, moving from a family of 7 to 8 means you need to think about transport. Getting a 7 seater is no problem. At 8 you are in minibuses territory.

I don't want to belittle your feelings. Im sure they are very strong and very real - but another child seems like it's just for you. Your children are not short of siblings and having another that could result in a rift with your DH isn't going to be good for anyone.

How to get past it. Well to be honest i have one bio child. I wanted more but it didn't happen. I just lived through those feelings and sought to enjoy what i did have. They did pass.

Lots of women/men have the hormonal drive to want more children. Most of us love the wonderful sensation of embracing and nurturing a newborn. I have two children myself and regularly get the urge to have another. I view this as a biological inevitability and that this urge would repeat shortly after every baby until I reach the menopause. You could try to look at yourself objectively and managing your desire to have more by practicing self control of your biology.

Population growth is the single biggest threat that we face.

longevity is the problem, not birth rate

Thank you all so much for your honesty. I am being very selfish. I can see that. I will try and find a way to work through this sooner rather than later so that we can just move on. A lot of the practicalities that have been mentioned around car and school are not an issue but I can't explain why really without outing myself. However whether the practicality matters or not, feelings do and aside from feeling angry about this I adore my DH and very happy with all other aspects of our family life so need to stop being a dick 😬

I always maintain that "No more children" trumps "More children" whether your current number is 0 or 1 or 5.

I have five dc, four close together and then a surprise when youngest was 8. I did love having a big family and wouldn't have minded another surprise if it happened tbh. My youngest two have autism but even without the autism a brood of dc under ten is much easier than a brood of tweens and teens IME.

Yabu to be angry with him.

What is it with some women when it comes to babies? Is pregnancy and babies a type of addiction?

Will you not always find that you need just the one more until your body stops reproducing?
Why is your wishes more important than his? Do you honestly think you can give all children equal quality time, and plenty of it? Dont they deserve more than being 3 children per adult in the household?

I second what others are saying about the planet and resources, I think it is selfish to keep having more babies just because you feel like it.

i think its th wanting th baby stage again tbh

an will that stop after 6? prob not

OP as someone's from a big family I was jealous of the time that other children got with their parents, financially we were less well off and being at home felt like a conveyer belt of tasks, not very relaxed. As your dcs get older they may need more from you than you can give with 5 let alone six. Your SEN DC may need more support over time / during teenaged years, aren't you worried you'll be spread too thin?

My parents left gaps and there were four children in the house.

As the parent of a teen here are some other, non financial, issues to consider:

Bullying
Anxiety and other mental health issues
Friendship issues
Relationship issues
5x GCSE exams stress and 5x A level stress (currently going through AS level stress in our household).

I think YABU to be angry but I do symapthise with the feeling. I have 4 DC, 2 girls and 2 boys and it was girl boy girl boy and I feel very lucky to have experienced both and even luckier to have had them alternatively but I still long for my 5th! Its ok to feel that way but not ok to be angry with your DH for not.

Just as some perspective as someone who doesn't want any more, I'm ready to get on with my life in regards to not being soooo tired, having someone entirely dependent for so long, being able to eat a meal and not have food splattered everywhere or someone asking to get down when you just put them in their highchair. To go on holiday and all do things together thar aren't just suitable for littlies.

You're not BU to want another but your anger is. How would you feel if he felt the same way about you wanting another? Angry is not disappointed, it's blaming him for stopping you.

Have a look into what it is you are missing about having another child. Baby, pregnancy, a boy? Look into wats you can ease that whether it's counciling, a pet or looking on other things you have missed since becoming a parent that could come back as the kids grow.

5 girls under 10 so none of them have hit puberty or started their periods yet?

You're going to have to guide them through puberty, the teens and into adulthood.. throw some SNs into the mix then seriously, save your energies.

Thank you all, there are some really valid points here that you've raised. I had thought about some of them but not all. As I said, my head is already on the same page as him but my heart isn't. But I can see from these replies that it's a natural way to feel and that it passes.
I agree that IABU to be angry, and that I need to stop that right now. I don't want to create issues for us that needn't be there at all.

I have 6 and although my eldest has cerebal palsy and some learning difficulties he now lived independently and has a job. There has been an average of 3.5 years between mine so that made it much more manageable.

In your situation I wouldnt have another. If the child has no issues then it is likely to not get the attention and time it deserves because of the needs of its older siblings, and if it does then they all lose out as you try to spread yourself even thinnner.

Oh YABU but
I'd love 'just one more' but DH really wouldn't. I would hate to bring a child into the world always wondering if their other parent didn't really want it. If we had a lottery win we may consider it, but otherwise our home is full and noisy.
You have a lot of children, it's easy to think another wouldn't be much more work but as someone else points out - we haven't hit the terrible teens bit yet!
Try and enjoy what you have and don't waste these precious years feeling wistful for another.

I also got a boob job to put myself off redestroying them with another pregnancy

I should add though that a year or so ago, when my youngest was 4 my clock started screaming at me, not least I think because I am at the later end of my early 40's so I know that this would be my last chance to have any more. I ignored it, but fuck me it was hard and I know exactly how you feel.

I think anger at DH is unfair but explaining to him that you are feeling broody and disappointed and grieving the loss of the child bearing years, and telling him that he needs to accept that and be patient, would be a good thing. If he doesnt get it and isnt very supportive then you have a bigger issue.

could you try visualise all the things you can do now all the changes comeing and exciting things will turn up as they grow.all these little perosnalities changing and you showing them all the beautiful new worlds.
take your head away from missing another one you dnot have and thinking of shaping the ones you do with all that love
don't be angry be upset but seek him out and tell him.get him to comfort and show you itl be ok.and tell him if you think it wont.but try in a calm upset way rather than arguemntive way.
itl be ok either way hun.you are so lucky with that brood you have wel done.that lovely.:)

Feralberyl I think I love you 😂 off to look at boob job prices now. Am sure DH would be much more onboard with that.
I am going to apologise to him and tell him that he's right and that I've been a bitch.---- He will probably pass out from shock, in 17 years of marriage this will be the first time im in the wrong 😂

Ahh Kateandme, thank you. What a lovely message. I've already told him that I want to chat when all kids in bed and that I've been a cow. I am so grateful for the beautiful children I have and love being their mum. It is just the baby stage I miss I think but I will get over it.

"If he doesnt get it and isnt very supportive then you have a bigger issue."

The problem is that if you don't want more children you are never going to "get" it. I am not maternal at all. I have one child due to infertility problems, but I have never had the yearning for children that most other women have had, so I can see his point of view.