To punish for low grade at school? (Year 3)

[jumildreen]

Just wondering if it would be okay. DS didn't do well in his spellings at all we have been working hard on them at home but I feel he isn't trying hard enough with them at school.

WIBU to punish because of this?

But he has worked on it at home with you.

Fluffy, in fairness, op did state that English isn't her first language.

OP Everyone is allowed an off week, now and then. If you try to make the learning fun, it should work.
I was once locked in a room and not allowed out until I'd finished Northanger Abbey. I have a lifelong loathing of Austen, despite my degree being Lit and History!
I'm sure he'll get back on track soon.

I'm assuming the OP isn't coming back ....

So ...

As an aside because Question Tine is making me irate .....

Does anyone know how I can waterproof bamboo?

YABU. That'll achieve nothing. He'll just become petrified of failure, and and a nervous wreck every time a test comes up

OP, ignore all the PPs on this thread. They clearly haven't read your update.

Did you say your loathsome worm got a mere SIX out of a possible TEN? Hanging's too good for him, obvs. But as your basic starter, smash every screen in the house (an obvious distraction!), don't feed him for a week. Make him stay up all night practising next weeks spellings (this humiliation can NOT under circs be repeated) and repeating this weeks ones as well.
Disinherit.
Put him up for adoption, maybe? That might be extreme, but worth considering.

Or, you could just read this post over and over again:
Best thing I learnt when DD was around 10, was to stop rewarding achievement and reward effort instead. Same for punishment - although I've never actually punished as such, but have made her redo work or spend longer next time if I thought she hadn't worked hard enough and then didn't do well on a test etc.

as it summarises all the points beautifully, IMHO

It's all about the effort for me these days. DD can do very well sometimes with little effort and I tend to play down those achievements just telling her well done. But if I've seen her work hard for something then more much praise comes her way. She is now 13 and luckily is pretty self motivated. She wants to do well, so she knows that if she doesn't work hard she won't get the results she wants.

Of course you should punish him for not doing well in his spellings. I suggest one swipe of the came for each incorrect answer. That'll teach him. And of course if he is not naturally academically gifted then it will prepare him for the physical pain of working down a mine

They fuck you up, your mum and dad...

He is Y3 ffs! Poor child.

6 out of 10 at year 3?????
well he is going to be on the dole when he's older

Of course you are being very very unreasonable

When my 6yo DS has his words, we are supposed to sit and practice them 5 times before the test. In reality we do it once. We sometimes do it verbally even.
You need to stop putting pressure on him. Look back to your education - were you tested this much at 7?
You need to praise his effort rather than the result so that he feels that he knows that if he tries you'll still be proud.

Before you posted about English not being your first language, I was actually wondering about your cultural background (assuming this is a genuine post) OP. We recently moved to an area with a high proportion of Asian and Indian families, who seem to work their kids a lot harder academically, from a relatively early age. To the extent that primary kids are having tutors after school for just about everything - academic /sports /music, you name it. As this is cultural and more usual (from what I have seen) I don't think the sarcastic flack OP has attracted is all warranted. It could be a genuine q posed by someone who finds themselves in a new situation.
However, I completely agree with rewards rather than sanctions. And hothousing primary kids isn't good for them.

So, because it's culturally accepted, it's ok? I've worked with Asian children with severe anxiety and low self esteem because they can't live up to parents expectations.

Are you really helping him actively at home or leaving him to it? Look at Teach Mama for ideas on slightly more interesting ways to learn spellings. It's a real slog for some children. Learning involves slog eg later on dates, formulae, irregular verbs. Punishing him (your words) may just cause him to give up trying. Have an informal talk with his teacher. Are you a high achiever and just expecting him to be like you? Did he have an off day, feel unwell, fall out with a friend? He is very young to be pressurised. You may not see withdrawal of chill time as pressure but he certainly will. He is a young child still, not coming up for major exams or anything like that. You need to chill!

Wait. To punish??? On what planet would that be reasonable?

Besides anything else, it would be entirely counter productive and give your son the impression that learning is a punishable chore.

Wow you're awful

punisbing him for this aged 7 sounds like a good way to ensure he's suffering depression and anxiety by the time he does his gcse's. Way to go.

I hope this isn't real :-(

If it is you need some serious parenting tactic help Op, because what you're proposing makes you sound like a cruel bitch no matter if this is 'culturally accepted' or not.

Punish is, of course, ridiculous. Tweak the way you support his learning. Find a topic he is interested in a go with it so it doesn't feel like learning- footie; movies; whatever. Encourage him to read up on it and tell you about it.
And first of all, for heaven's sake, check whether he is dyslexic.

There's no need for name calling myoriginal3 Not exactly a helpful post and derogatory to the op

We are all allowed an off week. Yabu.

So, because it's culturally accepted, it's ok?
Did I say this? No.

ddd if you have worked with Asian children in the situation you mentioned, you will be aware of the different cultural expectations and experiences. I didn't say it was right (if you bothered to read the post properly instead of jumping on your high horse), but it is a fact that plenty of parents (especially in the older generations) in some cultures actually think like that. Some pp have given constructive advice instead of jumping in to say what a shit the OP is for asking, which is a lot more useful than insults.

You would be very unreasonable to punish a child for something they can't do.

This is so upsetting a parent would punish rather than help their child.

This is more about you losing bragging rights isn't it op?
😟
Poor little chap, first class way to fuck up your child - my parents (especially my mother) managed to make my school years the worse days of my life because I didn't meet their expectations. Children need praise, support and encouragement not punishment because he didn't meet your expectations.

OP did say punishment as in spending more time revising, not punishment as in inflicting physical pain or grounded for months or thrown in dungeon.

Spending extra time on revision is not going to fuck a 7 year old up! Don't be melodramatic.