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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To punish for low grade at school? (Year 3)

101 replies

jumildreen · 18/05/2017 17:05

Just wondering if it would be okay. DS didn't do well in his spellings at all we have been working hard on them at home but I feel he isn't trying hard enough with them at school.

WIBU to punish because of this?

OP posts:
jumildreen · 18/05/2017 17:46

@zeeboo English isn't my first language so it's very different.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 18/05/2017 17:47

He's 7!

If you're worried talk to the teacher. Or change the method he uses to learn (how do you do it btw?)

But let him relax for heaven's sake!

madein1995 · 18/05/2017 17:57

Of course YABU. I'm very glad my parents never pressurized me re grades, simply encouraged me to try my best. I did well at school, and my God did I pity the poor kids at GCSE who had to do well or else they'd get in trouble. He's a child op, a child. He's got the next 60 plus years to work hard, let him be a kid. He's only 7! The Scandinavian countries have one of the best record of children doing well in school, and they don't even start school until 7!

You get children nowadays in tears because of SATs, worried they need to do well etc and with this kind of attitude it's obvious why. In year 6, I wasn't even aware SATs were happening - just took the booklets we had to do as another bit of work, certainly didn't get stressed over it, and I'm sure that's down to my parents attitude of 'be good, be polite, try your best because trying is the most important thing'.

Ok, so he had an off day. Have you never had a day at work where the figures won't sink in your brain or customers are particularly irritating? Have you never had a day where you got a pizza on the way home rather than home cooking your tea? Have you never ever had a bad day or a bad week? We're none of us perfect OP, and having off days/weeks is alright.

'Revision' 'Chill time' He is a child. Bar the homework schools set he shouldn't have enforced revision! Yes he needs to go over the spellings, but make it fun. Don't 'cut down his chill time'. So because he did badly he doesn't get to watch his fave tv programme for eg and rather has to go over the spellings, that's a way to make him resent education and learning from the start. There's a reason the foundation phase (or stage, in England) is based on learning through play, because that's the best way to do it.

By all means effort should be encouraged, but then that comes more into play later on, when he's in secondary, when older, not when so young. Just tell him well done for trying and that that was what was important, that he gave it his best shot.

RoseandVioletCreams · 18/05/2017 18:17

I dont get this either or.

Its possible to allow screens and have a dc who is an avid reader, and have a dc who does well at school and have a dc who has other interests and watches tv. Shock

You dont know if what your doing ie removing tv, and comps is working because you may have never tried having it all Grin

I also use buying more comp time as a way to get dd to learn more.

youarenotkiddingme · 18/05/2017 18:43

Please don't punish him. He got 6 spellings right. Therefore he learnt 6 words in a week at 7yo.

You can find a way to practice the others whilst he also learns this week.

Children need chill time in order to process what they've learnt and allow their bodies time to recover.

If he's overloaded with more revision he's less likely to learn.

halcyondays · 18/05/2017 18:47

Yabu.

TheRealPooTroll · 18/05/2017 18:48

Yabu to punish him but dd's school do punish for poor spelling results. Luckily dd has never got below the threshold but her friend who struggles with spelling has been punished quite a few times despite practising hard and it causes her a lot of anxiety. I don't agree with it.

lottieandmia · 18/05/2017 19:23

This can't be for real

NellieFiveBellies · 18/05/2017 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Heifer · 18/05/2017 20:08

Best thing I learnt when DD was around 10, was to stop rewarding achievement and reward effort instead. Same for punishment - although I've never actually punished as such, but have made her redo work or spend longer next time if I thought she hadn't worked hard enough and then didn't do well on a test etc.

It's all about the effort for me these days. DD can do very well sometimes with little effort and I tend to play down those achievements just telling her well done. But if I've seen her work hard for something then more much praise comes her way. She is now 13 and luckily is pretty self motivated. She wants to do well, so she knows that if she doesn't work hard she won't get the results she wants.

Your DS is 7, plenty of time to find out how he gets his best results. I very much doubt it will ever be by punishing him. Let him play, learn the spellings listen and often, let him play more. Have fun....

Janeinthemiddle · 18/05/2017 20:25

YANBU. that motivated me when I was younger 😂 proud to say, even until now my spelling is better than most also thanks to autocorrect

Only you know your child best. Perhaps you can try it and see if it actually works for him? If not, then try the reward route.

Replacing his chill time with revision time as punishment does not necessarily look like a punishment, more of a motivation for him to work harder by providing a suitable medium, sounds supportive tonne. He might even like it if you do plan to sit with him to revise as he would love to spend more time with you.

RebelRogue · 18/05/2017 20:30

Jane I started school at 7. Didn't learn English for a few more years and without phonics,spellings and all that. My spelling and grammar are still better than most people's.
He's 7!! And had one bad test. Let him be .

MyOpe · 18/05/2017 20:34

Punishing him OP over spelling will make him lose his confidence and learn to hate education. I am really shocked you are thinking of doing this [shocked].

Some children are late developers.

MyOpe · 18/05/2017 20:34

I meant Shock

PurpleDaisies · 18/05/2017 20:36

Your posts are really depressing.

He tried his best. That's all you need to know.

It's crazy to take away a seven year olds chill time to make them revise.

barrygetamoveonplease · 18/05/2017 20:37

For goodness sake, do not ever punish a child for not doing well at school. Commiserate. Ask them what they think went wrong, if you must. Most of all, reassure them of your unchanging love and approval.

If you are helping with study, fine, but vary your approaches. But always with love. Always.

whensitmyturn · 18/05/2017 20:38

A fun way of doing spellings my kids love is the stair challenge.
You start at the bottom of the stairs and you climb a step for every one you get right and go down for one you get wrong, you go over them till they get then right and get to the top. We then celebrate by jumping around at the top singing the rocky theme music however this is optional Grin

Fruitcorner123 · 18/05/2017 20:39

6/10 is fine not really bad.
You would be teaching him that trying your best isn't enough and will turn him off his learning. If it was me I would think trying to learn was pointless because I will get punished anyway.

Plus it's only spellings. Research shows that having regular spelling tests doesn't actually improve spelling as a pp said.

TuftyFinchy · 18/05/2017 20:50

Punish him? Are you bloody joking? Why don't you just say 'well done for trying your best. I missed you today let's do something nice together' (bake cake/go for walk/collect bugs from garden etc etc or just let him be. Labelling being at home as 'chill time' suggests you are quite regimented and focused on learning. He's 7 and didn't get 4 spelling right but he did get 6 right. Focus on the positives, move on, let him be a child and play.

April229 · 18/05/2017 21:34

My heart is breaking for your 7 year old right now. Punishing him for not getting full marks, at 7.

What else do you punish him for?

GerdaLovesLili · 18/05/2017 21:39

I reward for 10/10, but would never punish for less. If I thought there was an issue developing I would try and find out what it was and try to support Small Son until he was back on track. YABU.

wheresthel1ght · 18/05/2017 21:59

I am a tutor and frankly I am appalled especially as you say he is normally top of the class.

Yabvvvvvvvvu and I feel sorry for your poor boy.

Vrooooom · 18/05/2017 22:04

👀

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 18/05/2017 22:08

Well he is normally top for spelling and he wasn't last week

He didn't do good. 6/10

YABVVVU. You say he is uusally top?! Also it is 'he didn't do well, not ''he didn't do good'' fyi

CountessYgritte · 18/05/2017 22:11

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