Holy fuck - I've just WON ......

[BorisTrumpsHair]

.... some Tesco Clubcard points. Yay me

"Scan your Clubcard to WIN Tesco Clubcard points" the fucking machine tells me every bloody time I buy milk.

And every time I think back to the machine "no I haven't fucking WON anything".

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I know IANBU to think Tesco are dicks for repeating this over and over. But nevertheless IABU for letting a machine get on my tits like this.

Tesco YABVVVVVU - please stop this dickish behaviour immediatly.

Barbara, it is the best feeling ever. Find someone looking weepy/stabby and hissing at the machine, lean over calmly and explain how to mute. Float out in a haze of angelic wonderment.

But yes to a PP - if you need an assistant for something, they do like to try and turn the sound back on.

Overheard late one evening in a supermarket a couple of years ago:

Till: "Unexpected item in bagging area"

Customer (muttering under their breath): "It's a bag, you fuckwit"

I had a polite discussion with a staff member in sainsbury about the silenced voice. Her take was to apologise that someone else had turned the voice off as she couldn't hear when there was an issue. I said I had turned it off as it is so irritating, and if I had a problem I would ask.

So there is a reason. Sort of....

OP I like your username.

I've never won anything on MN unless you count an invitation to their 15th birthday party. It was epic. I got to meet Gareth Malone.

I never used to think I was that lucky but then in fairly quick succession I won

• a Kindle Fire when they first came out
• a wine and port hamper
• a set of golf clubs
• a gift certificate for a spa treatment

But the best one I remember is when I was a child on holiday and we played bingo at the holiday camp. I won the grand jackpot which was nineteen whole dollars. It was an absolute fortune and I still remember how exciting and thrilling it was

A woman sniggered at me a few months ago when I answered (under my breath I thought) the 'have you swiped your sparks card' with 'no I bloody haven't'.

Nobbers the lot of them.

I am currently typing on an iPad mini won when someone typed in the code from a label around the neck of a Friday night bottle of wine. It can be you!

I won a fiver in a packet of Walkers.

Then I won........wait for.....

Broccoli, yep I won me some green veg.

This reminds me of when DS was about 7. He entered a competition to win a couple of Horrible Science kits, and he was convinced he'd win. I explained no-one ever won. It was nice to have dreams, but not to be disappointed etc etc.

About three weeks later, the doorbell rang, and DS ran up to me and said "It's the postman. It'll be my prize." Obviously, it wasn't, but I opened the door, took the parcel, and saw it was addressed to DS. It was the prize!

So then DD wanted to enter a competition. She was absolutely convinced she'd win a My Little Pony set in a magazine prize draw. I went through the whole rigmarole again, explaining DS had just been lucky. She was convinced she'd win. And exactly the same thing happened again!!!

Needless to say, I bought a lottery ticket, and didn't win.

Wow.

I think Brocolli is probably the shittest prize ever so for that you win a virtual carrot!

Quite

But the difference is that you were not absolutely sure, down to the very core of your soul, that you would win. So you didnt.

You just dont believe I'm afraid, which is also incidentally, why they get better Xmas presents than you.

I won a car on MNet - then I read the next bit of the email - to discover that it was just for the weekend and not forever... Needless to say excitement level momentarily rose to a bazillion before deflating back to about 3 a few seconds later

It was still a very fun thing to win but compared to thinking that I'd won a car it wasn't quite the same

If its any consolation Confuugled I had my brand spanking new Fiat 500 for ..... half an hour!

I picked it up, with the obligatory bow, and drove it to the place where I was swapping it for a third hand Volvo, because as much as I wanted to keep it, you cant fit 2 adults and 5 kids into a tiny fiat! :o

Pyong you also win the thread. Fiat500. My goodness!

I was quite sad when I had to hand it over, I only drove it once. It had all sort of lovely little extras, but I am not rich enough to have 2 cars, one for the screaming brats and one for me just to run around in for fun :(

Was a stonking fucking win though, I have to admit!

Here's where to locate the volume control. When you press it, it will get louder but then it will mute.

:o:o:o @ your username WankStain !

Anyone know how to change the language on the Tesco one to Welsh? I would love to really annoy the boot faced bag who "mans" ours!

Who ever remembers what their Sparks offers are? I invariably forget.

And they are generally things I don't buy there anyway.

I'm going to have fun messing with machines tomorrow.

Thanks for that wankstain. I've never noticed that before, but I'll be trying it next time I go.

I won a holiday on Facebook a few years ago Boris. Worth £2k. Not a scam or anything, we went away for two weeks for free!

I've also won a fridge, Aldi chocolate, 1p for every day I'd been alive (I was 11, it wasn't loads) and Gary Barlow's album with Alexander Meerkat.

I always hear "your card has been excepted" instead of "accepted" in M&S and think "what, you've taken exception to my card?". I'm sure it's saying accepted but I can't hear it and it really pisses me off!

Half a chair 😂

I won a car on mumsnet. Yes seriously!

I bet u wont be long in giving your kid the money noo 😂 😂 😂 x

I once won a Walkman in a "spot the sun over the Tyne Bridge" competition that was printed on the back label on Newcastle Brown Ale bottles. You were allowed one x per label.

I sent off 143 labels.