To think my Shit year has just got worse

[spikelovesbuffy]

I think I am just venting .im sitting in the dark with no clue what to do next .
Please be gentle ,I am so low right now .
I have just found Condoms in my 'd'h pockets.
He doesn't know that Iv found them yet .
I can hardly breath with the hurt .
I want to go and punch his fucking lights out ,but I can't show him my hurt .
There is no innocent explanation for the condoms ,I know this .
I just want to walk out the door and keep walking .
25 fucking years !
Fuck fuck fuck ,

Orlandofuriosa
That might be about right ,
But it's a poor excuse for it .
he wasn't there for me when I was ill ,he was pretty crap actually .i felt very alone .
But I thought it was because he didn't know what to do to help me .
I think I was wrong .

jeeeez what a bastard so sorry op and hope youre health is getting better

you dont need someone like that

Gabsalot
Thank you .i am getting better ,it's a struggle some days ,but I'm defiinatly getting there .
I'm so angry at him ,

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

My DH had an affair and it absolutely killed me, I completely fell apart and in some ways I wonder if I will ever 100% get over it even though we are still together now & better than ever (we did split for a while).

Sometimes you can get through it and things will get better but sometimes you can't and it won't be any better, it's down to the individual/couple and no one can tell you what way it'll go.

What you do need to do is try to get some rest, easier said than done, I know, but it'll help you think a little more clearly tomorrow or whenever.

I think you are right .
im going to try to get to sleep ,and have a clearer head for tomorrow .
You have all been lovely tonight .and have really helped a lot .

Thank you all .

there isnt an excuse to do it whilst your wife is ill

of course youre angry completely normal-do u have any frieends close by to talk to

Ah. In that case he sounds like someone who needs pandering to - sorry - and can't cope unless you're there to do so. He falls apart.

Plonker.

You won't feel it now, but you'll be ok. We are in your corner. Even if you can't sleep, get some rest somewhere, have a calming drink and some carbs, put on some calming music. You'll need energy to get you through tomorrow.

Bastards.

Do you have irl support, someone you're close to to confide in?

I would keep the knowledge to myself and get, what they call around these parts, a shit hot lawyer and plan my exit. But obviously, it's your marriage.

Hope you get some sleep tonight.

I love your username OP. Hope you get / got some sleep

So sorry you're going through this

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry your going through this Spike like everyone else has said this is all on your husband and what a shit he is not being there for you whilst your so ill and then this,he's the one that's going to be lost not you just remember that.

I hope you've managed to fall asleep.

Thinking about you, Spike & sending you virtual strength for the day ahead.

As others have said, you'll get through this & come out the other side, although I know that today is going to be such a tough day.

I'm so sorry this has happened especially after your illness, wishing you strength at this difficult time.

Just caught up on this. Jeez, what a shitbag. He spectacularly let you down. Hope today went ok, as well as it can have. You sound a strong lady, stronger than him, you'll come through this.

I hope you're OK pet.

I'm still here thank you all .
Iv had a few glasses of wine ,after a day of thinking things over .
I'm getting angry now .theres a lot more I would like to add to this ,but it is so specific it would out me .and I know my dd is on mumsnet .
But I am boiling over ,and it's all going to come out .
I'm fucking disgusted at him .
I don't even think the other woman is free !! So it is purely sordid snatched sex .
He is home from work ,and probably wondering why I'm necking the wine .
His day today has been normal .he hasn't got a clue what my day has been like .what has been going on in my head .
He doesn't know I know .
But I am scared he soon will .
I'm just afraid of losing everything .

Leave them on the kitchen table for him to see and make sure the washing machine is on with the trousers in it. Then sit with a coffee and wait.. you do not need to speak, just listen. When he has told you what they are doing there/made excuses, you can decide what to do. Again, there would be nothing wrong in keeping quiet and just going upstairs afterwards. You can come back from this if he tells you the truth and you seek counselling. However, you and you alone can decide your next move. I am so sorry this has happened to you.

I am sorry - I am actually even angrier he was shit when you had cancer to be honest

Sending another hand hold your way

I mean what can we all say ? He has let you down royally and this is a low
Moment . And you will get through this but right now my heart goes out to you

hi Spike I can only guess how furious you are, and how much you hurt. So sorry that is happening to you, you do not deserve it!

You will not lose everything. You will have a new normal. One you will control. We're all here holding your hand and supporting you through this next bit.

So sorry this has happened. Why don't you kick him out op? You deserve to sleep in your own bed tonight not on the sofa again.

Fruitcorner
Hell yes I deserve my own bed ,and yes I should just go and chuck him out .
But I can't run this home on my own .i have no income .
He doesn't earn enough to give me a decent maintenance .
Income support wouldn't even cover my fuel direct debit .let alone any other bills .
I can't work ,but I can't get disability benifits .i feel completely trapped .

Spike, sorry you are going through this, but keep this information close to your heart and prepare yourself, I would start talking about making a big purchase and start withdrawing money out of the savings accounts etc, to ensure I had my fair share before telling him you knew.
Even if you didnt end up leaving, the security of knowing he isn't going to leave you destitute is a priority right now I would say.

He's an idiot for what it's worth.

Wishing you all the luck in the world. X

Oh, I've just read your last post.
Really hard situation... would you say he's just shagging about or having a full blown affair?

Can you work past this or is this definitely the end of your relationship??

You aren't trapped I promise there is a way. Give yourself a break, you've just made a horrible discovery, at the moment all you can do is worry about breathing and getting through the next 24hrs. You're in control and we're behind you