To think my Shit year has just got worse

[spikelovesbuffy]

I think I am just venting .im sitting in the dark with no clue what to do next .
Please be gentle ,I am so low right now .
I have just found Condoms in my 'd'h pockets.
He doesn't know that Iv found them yet .
I can hardly breath with the hurt .
I want to go and punch his fucking lights out ,but I can't show him my hurt .
There is no innocent explanation for the condoms ,I know this .
I just want to walk out the door and keep walking .
25 fucking years !
Fuck fuck fuck ,

I can only imagine the anger you must be feeling.

I echo other advice here. Try to sleep tonight. Have a calm think before you talk to him. IRL find someone to talk to - someone at work? a nice school mum?

(If all goes tits up get legal advice)

The details don't matter .i don't care where and when .
I only know I am heartbroken that he would do this .
I would never ever have hurt him .

I'm so sorry. Can only imagine how badly you're hurting right now, but there are lots of MNers sending you virtual hugs and strong shoulders to lean on.

I'm not going to try and convince you that there's an innocent explanation - though it's just possible - but really hope you can talk it through with a friend. If you can't wait until morning and don't want to call a friend so late, how about the Samaritans? The people on the other end of the line are brilliant at listening, and can help you work through some of the horrible feelings you've got bubbling up inside.

I know from personal experience how hard it can be to admit your OH's behaviour stinks, and how personally ashamed it makes you feel, but I'd really encourage you to talk it out - if nothing else, it helps you take a tiny step back and think a bit about what you might want to do next.

Thinking of you x

Spike you just sound so broken, my heart is breaking for you.

I've been with my DH 25 years too, so can imagine how you are feeling, but stay strong and play it YOUR way, keep your powder dry until you have made decisions / plans etc.

I found condo a in my first DH wallet - when confronted he tried telling me they had been blowing them up in a lads night out .....

Oh spike, I'm sorry you are going through this.

But think carefully. If you don't find out more information, he will come up with an excuse for having them in his pocket. He will not tell you the truth and you will not move forward. It will eat you up for years.

Thank you all so so much for being so kind .
I'm sleeping on the couch tonight ,but I don't think it'll even register that I'm not in bed ,he will be asleep soon and won't even notice I'm not there .
He has been acting normally all evening ,not knowing that I know .
I have to be somewhere tomorrow and I'm going to look a mess .and it's all just crap .
I just want to throw things and kick furniture .but I can't .
I have to keep things normal for now .

So sorry. Can you keep your powder dry til you get everything sorted? There are discussions over in relationships which may help? Eg financials, see a solicitor?

Threefish
He won't be able to talk his way out of it .
I know .
I don't want to believe it .but I know .
I have never been surer ,he has cheated on me .
And it is the last thing I would have ever thought he would do to me .
But he's done it ,and has probably been doing it for a while .
I feel very stupid , and sad

Hide the condoms out of sight and let him worry about where they have got to. They could have fallen out in public place, lounge room or the kids found them, or MIL will find them when she calls.

I am sorry for you finding this out.

Tell him or don't tell him. He will lie. You really should get an STD test done pronto.

Shewhomustgowithoutname
Oh that made me smile ( a little)
We must think alike because I had thought I would slice them up with a pair of scissors .and would have loved to see how that played out when he took them out of his pocket to use .
That sounds as if I'm making light of it all .but I'm really not .
This is going to be a long night ,I don't have patience at all .so not doing anything about this is hard .especialy when I want to scream at him !
All we have worked for all these years has just gone ,in one night .its all just been a sham

Put them on his bedside table on his phone and see what he comes up with when he is totally unprepared and doesn't have time to come up with a story. So sorry that you are going through this after so many years - I got through an affair after six years of marriage and we are now on year 13 x

Mise1978
Deffinatly no need for std test.iv just come through cancer ,I have had every blood test going ,and more .
Double betrayal .cheated on his sick wife .
Fuck ,so much for in sickness and in health .

I knew with my first "D" H as well. No amount of his excuses or lies explained away the truth I just knew, from a gut feeling (and the truth which came out, eventually, during the divorce)
I have nothing to say except, you WILL survive and you ARE so much stronger than you think
and also and xxx and more

Spike I had hoped to lighten mood and revenge too. I have an unusual mind I think.
I am sorry you are put to this hurt. I hope you will have strength to make this go the way most suitable to you.
You have done nothing wrong it is he who has wronged.
You have all here behind you.
Good luck and strength to get through this.

Mrsabrown
I remember an old friend doing that .she sat at the bedside and waited till he woke .then fired questions at him .its true ,he never had the chance to make anything up .
I don't need to know anything more than I do though .i know he has betrayed me .everythjng else is just excess.i don't need to know .
We aren't coming back from this .

Seedsofchange
Thank you ,
Thank you all ,you really have all been so kind

OP I can't believe he would do this to you while you were struggling with your health like that.

I hope you get some rest tonight.

You are a strong person - how do I know? Well, you've just gone through the cancer process and you've decided not to accost him immediately..

Well done.

Life for strong people gets better : they cope. You will. Shit happens, you'll find yourself in the abyss from time to time, but you'll cope.

And we are all here to help support. I'll light candles in my mind.

I can't believe he would either .
But he has ,and it is just making me hurt more .
The irrational side of me is wondering if he was dissapointed when I didn't die .
I know that's not true ,that he didn't think that .not really
But just a tiny bit in his mind ,did he allow himself to daydream a bit about being free .

Spike

I'm sorry you are going through this. I was reading an article of the kind of same situation. The wife poked a hole in each of the condom packs (not through the condoms!) and soaked them in really hot chilli sauce. Then put them back where they were. Husband was then extremely uncomfortable for a while! Hope I don't get any stick for saying this but at least you would know if they were definitely used! My ex used to take condoms everywhere with him, he was a diver and told me, they put them over their hands to get into their wetsuits. Bullshit. Bottom line.... you don't deserve that! At least if you make him pay this way he won't know it was you. Xx

Bear28

I really wish I could do that .
It's just not me though .

My guess is it's the reverse, that he couldn't cope with not being the centre of attention - think how many men have affairs while their partner is pregnant or focused on the baby - and/ or because he couldn't face the thought of being without you and needed solace and/ or the latter and if it is recent the relief just took him into poor behaviour.

not sure it makes it better - and only you know your relationship. He might have enjoyed the "freedom" while you were ill - assuming that once you were better he'd give up.

If you'll forgive me saying so, he's a stupid wazzock, and to do this to you when you're ill is unacceptable.

Thinking of you,