A son finds a wife, a daughters for life?

[Flapjack30]

I think that's how the saying goes, or something along those lines.

AIBU to wonder if there's any truth in this?

I know many families where the couple are closer to the maternal grandparents, that's not to say there aren't cases where it's the other way around, it's just I definitely know of many many more couples where they are much closer to the maternal side and have a much more distant relationship on the paternal side.

Do you think there is truth to this? Or is my personal experience with those around me not representative of reality.

[Huldra]

HappyFlappy agree

[fuzzywuzzy]

DP is always s obusy he doesn't ever make time to call him mum unless I ask how she is.

Works both ways tho, as his dad is always calling him and arranging dinners and lunch meet ups.

I used to call my parents a lot just ot check in and make sure they were ok. DP's default view is his parents are fine and doing well and happy and if they need him they'll tell him.

I don't think that's true, I think he should call his mum at the least every couple of weeks to catch up. She lives on her own and is really far from all of us. She gets so happy when we all get together.

I think in our case DP doesn't think, he's so wrapped up in his own world.

[BlurryFace]

I think it's bollocks, and really depends on the son's/daughter's relationship with their mum.

My DH sees and messages his mum often (sometimes I tag along, usually I catch up on housework without DSs underfoot for once).

My dad didn't just keep up his relationship with his mum, he also called my maternal gran "mum" and would help her out etc as though she were his own mother.

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

Hello fellow flapjack!
As a dm of 8 ds I am as close to them as ddx 3!!
The adult ones just as much. .
No logic in the ditty at all for me!!

[AStickInTime]

Is it true? Yes and no.

I have 3 brothers, one is a recluse, always has been and always will be.

Another is completely controlled by his wife. When his wife is in a good mood they occasionally see Mum, but if she's not, my Mum gets cut off. He jogs along with it.

Then there's my other brother. He regularly takes Mum out for coffee and even dinner, and sees her several times a week. He treats her as a friend.

I also have a sister who is cold towards Mum. I'm much closer. So it can work both ways and I suspect it's more of a personality thing.

My children see more of the PIL's because they live closer. I happen to really enjoy seeing them too. It is a bit different though, I feel my Mum helps me out more, but MIL stands back and helps much less. It could be she's trying to respect distance and all that, but I don't always feel I can ask. She's always helping with her own daughter though, so we get treated quite differently that way.

If I were that way inclined, I could probably influence how much DH sees his Mum, but I never would. If anything I'm more likely than he is to suggest we go round to see them with the kids.

[Lapinlapin]

It's about as true as sayings like 'a woman's place is in the home '

Complete nonsense!

Some people have great relationships with their parents and some don't. Nothing to do with their sex.

[KurriKurri]

Not true with mine - I have a close relationship with both my DS and my DD and my DDIL.

I do stuff with both of them - DS and I share a hobby which we go to once a week, we go out for coffee, lunch etc.
I don't feel I've lost him to my DDIL, I feel I've gained her - she's a fabulous person and I love her dearly, she also has a very lovely Mum and we all go out together for meals, outings etc.

Love expands to include more people,rather than divides when other come into the family in my experience.

[amusedbush]

My mum is a narcissistic cow and so I limit contact to however long it takes to eat one meal, three times a year. My brother is much younger and still lives at home, but is out of the house much of the day and night. He also thinks she's a dick.

DH is an only child and sees his mum every couple of weeks, and phones her most days.

[MissWilmottsGhost]

I left home at 16, my brothers didn't move out until their forties.

I am much closer to DMil than DM. DMil has only sons and they are all really close to her.

I think the saying is bollocks really 🙂

[JanetBrown2015]

Depends on yhour country and culture. For some people in China and India I think the daughter in law has to move in or at least look after her husband's parents, not hers. So that is the opposite.

Also boys may be a bit slower to move out (thinking of my daughters both moved out and son who even bought a house last year which he is letting out still at home in his 20)....

[Chattymummyhere]

I think it's still based on keeping relationships being women's work.

I used to get I think in the neck from my sil to get dh to go to see her and mil and fil more often but honestly I couldn't force him to go so I have no idea what she was expecting from me.

I'm one of those who can go weeks or months without having to be in contact with family and other times we might be in contact once every few days. I don't feel the need to be in each other's pockets and neither does dh. He works long hours, I do all the child raising and then we have a busy weekend with hobbies/clubs there is only 1 down day a week and honestly yes we like to spend it just at home with our children.

my sil however cannot seem to do anything without informing her parents and brother, she even as a pregnant women who owns her own home with her partner takes her washing to her mums and often drives past her work place to get her mum to make her breakfast.

My brother has about the same contact as me with my parents.

[Whatsername17]

I am naturally closer to my mum because she's my mum. She has taught me how to be a mum to my girls. But, I make sure that my dd's have an equally close relationship with my pils. To be honest, I am the reason that my dh sees his parents weekly, if it were up to him he'd never visit because it wouldn't enter his head.

[wildcoffeeandbeans]

My dad loved his mother so much. When I told him my son was a bit of a "mama's boy" (and I mean that in a positive way), he said, "All boys are mama's boys". He genuinely meant it, although in my experience with my various boyfriends over the years, that is definitely not always the case!

I hope my son loves me as much as my dad loved his mother.

[Juanbablo]

Dh is close with his parents and so is his brother. I am still quite close with my dad (mum passed away a long time ago) but my brother is not.

[Gottagetmoving]

I think it's still based on keeping relationships being women's work

I think it is women who inflict this on themselves.
The men in my family are not bothered about seeing family that often but are pressurised by their partners to visit relatives and keep in touch all the time. Perhaps women want more contact than men do?

[raisedbyguineapigs]

In my family, it's the other way round. My DB lives clisest to our parents and sees them more. My DM and I run each other up the wrong way. My DH speaks to his DM once a week without fail. I have 2 boys and Id like to see them of course, but Id also like them to have lives and not ring me every 5 minutes. So maybe there is a God, and he's decided In not a suitable mother of girls

[TheFlis12345]

We roughly see both sets of parents equally but DP is definitely better at calling his folks than me!! My DB and his wife see my parents way more than hers.

[CBeebiesaddict]

Although it is true that DS and I are now DH's priority he is still very close to his mum. She lives several hours away but he talks to her on the phone 1-2 times a week and messages her a lot. He is happy to talk to her about anything and she is the second person he will turn to for advice (after me). I have an only son and hope to have a similar relationship with him as an adult although I would like to live closer if he is happy with that :)

[StinkPickle]

This is true in my case and most of my friends cases. I'm very sad to admit that because I have 4 sons and no daughters.

[SheRasBra]

If there is any truth in it I think it might be because the woman in the relationship tends to make more of the social arrangements and may, therefore 'inadvertently' favour her own family. Lots of men I know are really lazy about arranging family get-togethers.

But, plenty of exceptions to that rule, including all the men in my (admittedly small) family.

[RiversrunWoodville]

I only have young daughters so yet to be seen but my ex p was an abusive mummy's boy and my DH had a really amazing relationship with his late mum and I think that wouldn't have changed with marriage, my mum and I are close I hope the same will be true with dds although dd1 is not emotionally demonstrative with anyone so it remains to be seen

[Allhallowseve]

I think it's as true as any typical family stereo type.
People are different , families are different . My dh is extremely close to pil talk on phone every day visits at least once a week. Mil does a lot to help us out and with childcare so my children have a very close relationship with them.
As the do with my own parents however mine don't tend to help with childcare and we don't talk on phone but do see each other once every week-2 weeks .
I had a rocky relationship with my mom as a teen and as a result we aren't particularly close although it has improved.
I have a ds and I think you get out what you put in.

[x2boys]

we see alot of my parents but dh mother died before we got married he hasent seen his dad for about 20+years and was close to his stepdad but his stepdad has disowned all of us since a family tragedy for whicjh he unfairly blames dh for.

[mistermagpie]

I haven't spoken to my parents in years, they don't even know where I live. We are really close with DH's mum and dad and see them all the time. It's a load of rubbish, which I'm glad about as I've got two sons!

[stalkingfred]

I remember having just had my first child, a son, and turning up at an event. A lady said this to me straight away after asking 'boy or girl?' I was a bit .

It depends on the relationship I think. My husband hasn't deserted his mum for me and I wouldn't expect him to. The same with me and my mum.