A son finds a wife, a daughters for life?

[Flapjack30]

I think that's how the saying goes, or something along those lines.

AIBU to wonder if there's any truth in this?

I know many families where the couple are closer to the maternal grandparents, that's not to say there aren't cases where it's the other way around, it's just I definitely know of many many more couples where they are much closer to the maternal side and have a much more distant relationship on the paternal side.

Do you think there is truth to this? Or is my personal experience with those around me not representative of reality.

[Osirus]

Of course it depends on circumstances to a degree, but I would say this is true more often than not. There must be an element of truth for the rhyme to even exist.

My mother has six daughters and five sons. All are married and all have children. All the grandchildren are closer to their maternal grandmother. Although my mother still has good contact with her sons, it's not the same as with her daughters.

My MIL and mother both live five minutes away but I see my mother far more frequently. My DP still loves his mother, of course, but he doesn't make much effort to see her.

I wonder if daughters just feel more inclined to keep in regular contact with their mother than sons do? Maybe they get more from the relationship. My relationship with my mother feels more beneficial to me than my DP's relationship with his mother. She just has a quick chat when she visits and usually manages to wind him up. This is subjective however and not applicable to everyone. He's definitely drifted away from her since we've been together, but he does have a very stressful job and doesn't have much free time.

Thinking about it, I can't think of any family I know where the couple are closer to the paternal parents.

I don't know, maybe sons just don't need their mother the same way daughters do?

That said, I would love to have a little boy, but with fertility issues I'm unlikely to have another baby.

[iMogster]

I have come across many SMOGs and they delight in telling me the sad future I have in store about my 2 DS leaving me and I will be basically left with nothing, unlike them and their DD.
It used to make me sad, so I took a good look at my family and all the families of people I know. Guess what! I found the number of sons being near their parents to be about the same as daughters. There are also a lot (like me and my DH) whom neither of us live near parents, we have chosen to live near London for work.

[Judydreamsofhorses]

My brother and his wife are so close to my mum (my dad's dead) that I feel my mum far prefers her to me. I see more of DP's mum than I do my own, because I am sick of being compared to my amazing SIL.

[cheval]

Don't listen to stupid old superstitions or you'll be turning your left-handed children right-handed (as happened to me)! Love your baby, make the most of it, it goes so fast. And of course he will fly away from the nest one day. That's what they're supposed to do. How often you see him after that will be a matter of luck, keeping a good relationship with him and doing your utmost to get on with whoever he chooses to have a relationship with.

[McSmith]

From my perspective as the 'daughter'? Not true.
My mum-in-law is a diamond who I'm blessed to know. We invite her to holiday with us and see her as often as her (impressively active) social life allows. My mother and step-mother? Haven't seen either in years. For good reason.

[Babymamaroon]

I think all things being equal and there being no major disagreements between maternal parents or the inlaws, that a daughter naturally gravitates to her own mother more than a MIL.

So I think there's a fair bit of truth in it. Obvs this is based on my experience and what I see around me.

I have children of both sexes so will be interesting to see what will happen!

[Lovelymess]

Couldn't be more wrong in my family or my partners

[Mmest75]

As said above - depends on the wife. In most households ( not all I know ) it's the wife that's sorts dinner/ people over/ Xmas/easter ,....

[Sugarformyhoney]

My mil would say it's true- she has two sons..one keeps tokrnistic contact and dh is not contact. She likes to blame me and sil for influencing her sons, because it's easier than accepting she's a shit mum

[Spoog1971xx]

If it makes you feel any better. I couldn't get away from my parents quick enough. And I have a vagina

[secretnutter]

It's the opposite in my family!! I'm closer to my MIL than my DM and my brother is very close to DM! All depends on your own family dynamics and personalities I think

[Jessikita]

It's true in me and my Husband's case. He is a lot closer to my family than his own. But it's not because he was born a boy. It's because his Mother does just not give a shit about him! She hasn't seen our kids for 3 months again. She's just not interested in anyone but herself.

[Bobbi73]

I have two boys and I hope it's not true. My older brother sees my mum every week so I have hope...

[Clandestino]

Not true, partly because my father is a narcissist gobshite and has always treated my brother as some kind of a competition, totally insane. Fortunately it caused my brother to grow up NOT wanting to be like my father so that's a saving grace. So my Mum went into a kind of a protective mode with him. I used to have a strained relationship with my Mum due to interference from my father's family but that's sorted now, which is good and we get along better than ever.
As a result we all naturally gravitate towards my Mum even though we all have our own families. She doesn't meddle and has the best relationship with her sons and daughter in law.

[AlexRose5]

Ladymariner that made me chuckle lol

OP! I HATE that saying as much as I hate that rhyme about little girls being made of sugar and spice and boys being made of snips and snails?!
I have three sons, so I find it offensive for obvious reasons
I'm personally not very close to my family , and up til Xmas when we had a fall out (only one in seven years mind you ) I was far closer to my husbands mum than my own ...
so it's definitely not an exact science .

[Maireadplastic]

I have three sons so I hope not. Someone asked if we minded never walking a daughter down the aisle or doing 'girly' things.... I look at my husband's sisters- one who is married to a woman and was horrified when in her teens she started her periods, the other is very similar so not at all the stereotypical girlie girls.

Luckily these days, the more enlightened among us are not so fixated on gender and sexuality. A child is a child.

[museumum]

Well I'm closer to my parents than my MIL and dh is closer to his mum than my parents.
However as dh and I share parenting and family visits and present buying and whatnot ds is equally as close to all his GPs and his great-gp on dh's side.

If dh was uninvolved in parenting then his family would see ds less.

[MapMyMum]

My ILs use it as an excuse to not bother with my dh, really pisses me off

[simiisme]

I think it depends very much on the people involved. My husband's Mum is lovely. She's always been wonderfully welcoming and warm with me. We're very close. The other DIL is not easy and not affectionate.
My Mum was really hard work, but my hubby showed her infinite patience and was very kind. She ended up loving him to bits.

[mags2024]

There is only my sister ( 8yrs my junior ) and myself left from my family. My husband's family is large but we are all different and now the matriarch is 97 we don't have large gatherings.
My son met a german lady at boarding school ( who came to improve her english for a year and then went back to germany to finish her studies) 12years ago and they are marrying in Germany this september before going to OZ for a year or two. Her parents are teachers and visit every bloody holiday as daughter and son work in the UK. The job my son and partner do is very demanding ( we are similar ) and so we don't see them often as we know they don't see their friends often and don't want to get in the way. Thanks to Brexit l do feel l am loosing my son not gaining a daughter. She refuses to take British citizenship, despite going to school here for several years and coming back to university to train, and my son says if she isn't welcome in UK he will leave permanently.

[Aroundtheworldandback]

Of course it's s generalism with plenty of exceptions; but on a whole that saying came about for a reason. Ive seen it time and time again through different generations in my own family and others.

Also a lot of my friends are terrified of upsetting their daughters in laws in a way that they just aren't with their sons in laws.

[Justanothernameonthepage]

I think some of it comes down to expectations. People who don't expect their sons to remember Birthdays or make an effort end up with sons who just are unable to make an effort as adults. My FIL sees cards/contact as woman's work so never made an effort with my DH and left it to various wives and now has hardly any contact with us as a family. My MIL makes an effort and in return I do too but she never expects me to be the main one in charge of cards/gifts/contact

[SkyBluePinkToday]

The other double standard here is that my DM does not expect anything from my 2 DBros. She never says a word to them about anything. But she thinks nothing of having a go me when I do not not do what she expects/deserves/is ENTITLED to. I do far more for her than they do, but I get treated as if I am the one doing nothing. Really, really pees me off.

[Spudlet]

Ds is sitting on FiLs lap right now, having stories read to him. I hope he'll be equally close to both my parents, and DHs dad (sadly, his mum recently passed away). DH is a good son to his dad (and was to his mum), although his family isn't as close as mine, whereas my family is very close but we live a long way away from them so aren't as enmeshed on a day to day basis.

All depends on individual circumstances, I think.

[1stDinkyDecker]

I think it's a load of tosh tbh. Geography would probably make any grandchildren closer to paternal grandparents in our family. I accept this as that is where their life is.