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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really annoyed that this shop assistant had to comment ...

101 replies

Nicpem1982 · 15/05/2017 15:59

I'm sure this has been done on here a million times already but I've personally never experienced this before so I'd like some opinions

I took my dd (2.8) to our local toy shop today to spend her pocket money.

She chose a big bucket of dinosaurs and we went to pay my dd said greeted her and said I'd like these dinosaurs please, to which the lady replied "are these for your brother? As boys play with dinosaurs."

There was clearly only me and dd in our party and no boys were near us, I explained that she liked dinosaurs and could we pay please.

We paid eventually and left but only after the cashier attempted to coax my dd into swaping for shopkins (I assume these are in the opinion of the cashier more appropriate for a little girl)

We use this toy shop regularly and have never had this kind of experience, aibu to think that the cashier just could have said nothing

OP posts:

BluePeaches · 15/05/2017 17:28

Why on earth would the OP be making this up?? It's totally plausible - the genderisation of children's toys is ridiculous. We are trying to encourage our daughter to play with whatever she wants, and to not be limited by gender stereotypes. It's so difficult as the socialisation of 'boy' and 'girl' roles is everywhere. This would have really irritated me.
(And good on your MIL for allowing her some choice rather than filling your house with toys she doesn't want).

Sparklingbrook · 15/05/2017 17:30

If I felt that strongly I would have quizzed the cashier at the time but the moment has passed now.

ragdoll700 · 15/05/2017 17:32

My daughter is crazy about all things blue, her lunch box is blue, her water bottle pencil case coat trainers etc etc :) she loves dinosaurs and wants a remote control car for her 6th birthday. I hate people saying things like this as she is already coming home from school with the idea she should love pink much as I try to tell her she can like any colour she wants, she still thankfully defaults to blue when she has a choice. Im hoping other people and kids don't influence her to the point she doesn't go with her own instincts as to what she likes and doesn't like.

toomuchtooold · 15/05/2017 17:35

I would never have believed this stuff till my daughter, aged 2, was put off a pair of shoes bc the assistant asked her "are you sure? These are boys' shoes." Gender stereotyping aside, it was a major pain in the arse bc the wee one was the fussiest 2 year old in the history of 2 year olds and had already been through every pair of winter shoes in the place.

You wonder why they want to do themselves out of a sale. It is so stupid!

LineysRun · 15/05/2017 17:36

'The cashier in the local toy shop' sounds like one of those Channel 5 films you get on at Christmas in the afternoon

Ringaroundthemosey · 15/05/2017 17:40

My debut has been flat out told that she should be wearing pink and not the "boy" clothing she was wearing. I suspect it's what people say when they're trying to explain why they got it wrong with their assumption. (In my case they assumed she was a boy- in your case they assumed shopping for her brother)

Ringaroundthemosey · 15/05/2017 17:41

My dd not debut 🤔

BaronessBomburst · 15/05/2017 17:51

Is she your first, Ring?

BollardDodger · 15/05/2017 17:54

Ask the shop assistant if she was going to be cooking her husband's dinner for when he got in from his high paying male stereotypical job when she got home.

Nifflerbowtruckle · 15/05/2017 17:54

My dp works in a toy shop and he said you wouldn't believe the amount of parents particularly dads who lose their shit if their sons are wanting so called 'girls' toys. He said they literally drag them away and won't even entertain the idea.

He said some mums also say stuff like oooh we better not tell daddy you wanted a pram he won't be happy. Never seems to happen with parents and their daughters though

blue2014 · 15/05/2017 18:00

I'm baffled by those who don't believe this. If you don't believe it, don't post. You don't get extra smug mumsnet points for it, you know?

I DO believe this happened, I've seen similar and actually I would complain. I think it was inappropriate but also invalidating of your DD choice. It would have been really quite sad if she had felt self-conscious enough to change her mind (especially when dinosaurs are amazing!)

Willow2017 · 15/05/2017 18:05

It was bad enough to tell your d's that the toys were for boys but to actively try to get her to buy something not suitable for her age and expensive tat to boot is not on.
Wtf has It to do with her? I would have asked her if we had stepped back in time to the 1950s?

Bad enough we have everyday sexism from men we dont need it foisted on kids from other women too.

I would make manager aware as if it had been me she would have lost a sale. Wonder how many other kids she has tried to bully into her stereotype?

MyBreadIsEggy · 15/05/2017 18:06

This does my head in.
My 2yo DD loves dinosaurs and Marshall from Paw Patrol....it was her birthday a few weeks ago and people asked me what kind of things she's into, so I told them, and two people said "but aren't they Boy she things?"
We got her a Marshall dress up costumes...so she's been running around dressed like a Fireman/Dalmatian pup since her birthday
We also went to a party at the weekend where the children were invited to dress up as either pirates or Disney princesses. I gave DD the choice, and she chose to be a pirate. We walked in and the children were all given a small sticker book to correspond with their costume. DD was clearly a pirate, but was given the Princess sticker book because she's a girl

Gooseygoosey12345 · 15/05/2017 18:10

What? Dinosaurs are considered "boys toys"? I didn't even know that genuinely thought dinosaurs were pretty a genderless toy. My DDs favourite toy for ages was a monster truck that my OH got her, he likes to buy her "boys toys" to go along with her "girls toys" and she gravitates more towards the nerf guns and cars than dollies but equally likes to dress up as a princess (or a minion )

Sparklingbrook · 15/05/2017 18:13

genuinely thought dinosaurs were pretty a genderless toy.

Yes me too. I think the cashier was a bit odd.

KenAdams · 15/05/2017 18:15

It wasn't The Entertainer was It?

gamerwidow · 15/05/2017 18:15

My mum does this asking why has Dd bought a boys magazine or a boys toy if it's not pink and sparkly.
Nothing wrong with pink and sparkly and sometimes Dd will choose that one but she's just as likely to choose dinosaurs , bugs or superheroes.

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 15/05/2017 18:48

Mybread- my dd went to a fancy dress party a couple of weeks ago and in a room full of princesses and fairies my dd was chase.

OP posts:

MariposaNieve · 15/05/2017 18:51

Obviously all their future daughters will be coerced into only liking sparkles, dolls, pink, dresses, and fluffy kittens.

Nothing wrong with a little girl loving the above BTW, but the attitude that only girls should like the above is harmful.

Madwoman5 · 15/05/2017 18:58

Oh, I didn't see For Boys Only, on the label?

MyBreadIsEggy · 15/05/2017 19:23

Nicpem love it!! My DD is most disappointed with the new pup Everest 😂 She's on her new pjs that someone got her, and everytime she's wears them she tells me: "Don't like Emeryest mama, like Skye though!"

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 15/05/2017 19:35

Mybread- we like Everest in this house

OP posts:

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 15/05/2017 19:36

Pressed ok too soon

She likes Everest, chase and rubble are her faves though apparently Marshall is clumsy

OP posts:

Minkybinkyboo · 15/05/2017 20:13

Totally believe you Op. we went shoe shopping recently for. Y 3 year old and asked for several pairs of shoes in her size, all blues and greens. The sales assistance took it upon herself to come back with the pinkest, sparkliest shoes they must have had. I'm sure someone would have liked them but they were nothing like the ones we had asked for. DD is already coming home from nursery telling me certain colours are for boys and others are for girls which drives me crackers!

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 15/05/2017 20:25

Minky - that's awful.

OP posts:

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