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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really annoyed that this shop assistant had to comment ...

101 replies

Nicpem1982 · 15/05/2017 15:59

I'm sure this has been done on here a million times already but I've personally never experienced this before so I'd like some opinions

I took my dd (2.8) to our local toy shop today to spend her pocket money.

She chose a big bucket of dinosaurs and we went to pay my dd said greeted her and said I'd like these dinosaurs please, to which the lady replied "are these for your brother? As boys play with dinosaurs."

There was clearly only me and dd in our party and no boys were near us, I explained that she liked dinosaurs and could we pay please.

We paid eventually and left but only after the cashier attempted to coax my dd into swaping for shopkins (I assume these are in the opinion of the cashier more appropriate for a little girl)

We use this toy shop regularly and have never had this kind of experience, aibu to think that the cashier just could have said nothing

OP posts:
hiccupgirl · 15/05/2017 17:02

I believe you because I had this at least 3 times in different shops with DS when he was smaller.

From turning 3 DS loved Disney Princess things and then Frozen was his complete favourite when it came out. We had 'Are you sure that's what you really want?', ' is that for your sister then?' And 'I'm not sure your daddy will like you getting that' when he'd chosen Disney Princess or similar 'girl' toys in shops. I used to say that it was his choice and that was what he's chosen. But it did annoy me as it was just re-enforcing that his choice of toys was somehow 'wrong'.

Sprinklestar · 15/05/2017 17:02

I believe you, I've seen and heard similar. It's the same as MIL telling DD she's not being 'ladylike' but she'd obviously never say that to DS. I call her out on it every single time. I'd have said, very pointedly, something along the lines of, 'What a shame this assistant is so old fashioned and thinks girls can't play with certain toys. It's a good job we're a bit open minded...' But then I have no time for everyday sexism at the best of times.
And - Shopkins are hideous at the best of times! Would much rather have a dinosaur in any case...

Laiste · 15/05/2017 17:02

My DD4 is just 3 and we don't give her pocket money, but my mums been putting a £1 in a pot every week for her since she was born (she did for the older ones till they got to 18 bless her Grin)

Mostly we let it mount up and put it in her account, but occasionally i'll take a couple of quid and let DD choose something.

However, in 23 years of parenting 4 girls i've never had a comment from anyone in a shop (or anywhere for that matter) about what they were playing with. And they had lego, action figures, dinosaurs ect. as well as the girly bits. As did i when i was a kid. I think you've been unlucky OP.

Polidori · 15/05/2017 17:04

pepperpot discussing "small stuff* on a forum is not sweating. If you only ever chat about the most important things in the world you must be a crashing bore.

Sprinklestar · 15/05/2017 17:04

hiccup - I've also had that with DS. He likes to copy older DD and so if she chooses Frozen, he might too. Many many times, we've had a 'helpful' (ignorant) assistant try and coax him into getting a 'boy toy'.

Tazerface · 15/05/2017 17:05

Really?! Hmm

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 15/05/2017 17:05

Laiste - as I said in my op I've never experienced this before and we use that toy shop a fair bit.

My dd has a lot of "boy" toys and we've never had a comment like this before

OP posts:
Fluffy40 · 15/05/2017 17:06

It's only a small shop, the owner probably served you.

NavyandWhite · 15/05/2017 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clumsyduck · 15/05/2017 17:07

Yup had that too. Ds loved frozen at the time as did a lot of his nursery friends . He used to get a magazine every now and then on the wall back from nursery and picked a princess type magazine out once because else etc were on the front .
Lady on the till " but that's for girls "
He's 3. Sod off

clumsyduck · 15/05/2017 17:08

Jesus .
walk and elsa

Sparklingbrook · 15/05/2017 17:10

Blimey Polidori sounds a bit angry.Confused

DerelictWreck · 15/05/2017 17:13

YANBU at all and it's exactly this kind of attitude that teaches girls (and then women) that they live in a man's world and are restricted by the opinions of those around them.

I hate complaining and any type of confrontation, but please, please raise this with the shop assistant or their manager. Even if it was meant well, it's not harmless at all.

Sprinklestar · 15/05/2017 17:14

I actually don't think this is 'small stuff'. Ingrained, insidious, institutional sexism is one of biggest barriers to female success in the world today. Yes, it's a long road from one shop assistant making a quip to no women in the boardroom, but that's how it starts, isn't it? Drip, drip, drip, boys are better than girls, boys are stronger than girls, boys get action toys, girls get to colour in... Outdated and wrong. And there's no point shops banning signs saying boys' toys and girls' toys if the staff continue to perpetuate the (imaginary) distinction...

Sparklingbrook · 15/05/2017 17:16

I can't understand why anyone would think dinosaurs were boys' toys. Confused

Don't they just come under stuff like toy zoo animals?

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 15/05/2017 17:18

Sparkling - I assume because they're not "cute" (although if you ask my dd there's nothing cuter than the snarling face of a t-Rex)

I imagine if she had a bucket of kittens the cashier wouldn't have said anything

OP posts:
Topseyt · 15/05/2017 17:19

I don't see why a 2.8 year old having some pocket money from a grandparent to spend in a shop is considered odd at all. My parents would give cash to my children whenever they saw them (don't live nearby, so not every week/month even), as did my MIL. It would be a fiver or so once in a while. Save some, spend some.

They enjoyed being able to go up to the till and pay for what they had chosen. Normal. Not at all odd.

On the point of this thread, I would have been a bit Hmm at the cashier, but would just have been firm about us wanting the dinosaurs and taken it no further.

LallanasInPyjamas · 15/05/2017 17:20

You were more graceful than I would have been. Gender nonsense is very irritating in all walks of life.

No, I don't want "the ladies" version of this garment because as you can clearly see I'm 5"10 with no boobs so I would look fucking ridiculous in it, thank you

Sparklingbrook · 15/05/2017 17:20

I don't get it. If it was a blue car I would be a bit Hmm but not dinosaurs. They aren't a boy's toy.

But my DC are teens so maybe things have changed.

FreeSpiritJen · 15/05/2017 17:21

Some shop assistants are so nosey and opinionated! I have had one comment recently because I was paying with my debit card when DH was with me. 'Yer not making her pay are ya?' WTF? I said "It's a JOINT account!" And what the FUCK has it got to do with you?!

And one woman said very loudly 'trying to lose weight?' when I got a bunch of veg and salad? No I just like to eat healthy. Hmm

But yeah - I also liked to play with mechano, and lego, and toy cars, I was a daddy's girl and still liked dolls but liked boys stuff as well. That assistant in the OP was a nosey cow.

FreeSpiritJen · 15/05/2017 17:22

And yeah, why are dinosaurs BOYS TOYS? Hmm

AlpacaLypse · 15/05/2017 17:22

This makes grim reading. Unlike some of the apologists for everyday sexism up thread, I do believe the OP. If anything, genderfication of girls and boys clothing, toys etc etc has got worse not better in the past 20 years.

Sprinklestar · 15/05/2017 17:23

Interestingly, there's quite a lot of research to show that children don't distinguish by colour until they're effectively taught that certain colours tend to be associated with certain genders. And back in the day, little boys were dressed in pink as a matter of course...

Sparklingbrook · 15/05/2017 17:23

I think the cashier may have been confused. But vote with your feet.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 15/05/2017 17:24

Free - I don't know why she thought they were boys toys, I didn't want to discuss it with the cashier

OP posts:
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