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MNHQ have commented on this thread

AIBU?

...to think my mother has just NCd me?

166 replies

sleepingonthesparebed · 14/05/2017 19:28

DM and I have always been close, I live 5 mins away with my DH and Cs and we always spend a lot of time together. She often comes round for tea, collects kids after school sometimes, always popping in and out of each other's homes. DH is often summoned round to do DIY jobs and that's all fine and tikkety-boo.

In the last two weeks I've barely heard from her at all. She had some friends to stay for the weekend two weeks ago and since then it's almost as if she doesn't want to spend time with us anymore. She was going to come round for tea on Weds (a weekly thing) but she texted shortly before to say she'd "rather not anymore". She was also going to come round this afternoon but hasn't returned any calls or texts until just now when she has texted to say she "won't be coming round".

This is all highly unusual and out of character and the kids are most anxious and upset that she won't be here. They've been looking forward all week to seeing her especially as they didn't get a chance when her friends came to stay or on Weds when she would usually have been round.

I know this sounds absurd but it almost feels like her friends have told her to get a life apart from us. She's moving house in a few weeks time but only 10 mins further away. Maybe she's moving away in her mind too.

She won't respond to any messages or pick up the phone when I call. She's not in when I go and pop round. It's like all of a sudden something has happened to make her not want to spend time with us. She's not met someone, that I do know.

As this is so out of character, AIBU to be concerned for her health/welfare or does it seem that she just wants less to do with us? I can't think of anything that we might have said or done to have offended her and as she's not talking to me I can't really find that out.

She's 70 next year and has spoken previously of her concerns about "getting old and incapable" and "staying sane". She's an otherwise very independent single and strong-minded woman.

AIBU to be concerned or is this just a declaration of independence from her family???

OP posts:

Report

badhotfanny · 14/05/2017 22:08

Blimey gin. Until the update with a response there had been no contact from op's dm. Chill out.

sleepingonthesparebed · 14/05/2017 22:11

Thanks for the words of wisdom, gin. Really.

Next time it happens, I'll be sure to follow your advice.

Unless you're the one who's my mother of course....

OP posts:

ExConstance · 14/05/2017 22:21

I hate troll hunters and always report them, they frighten off vulnerable people who just want support.

I17neednumbers · 14/05/2017 22:24

Do they (the troll hunters) ever come back and apologise if mn says 'no not a troll'?
Op, one thought occurred to me - does your dm maybe feel in need of some help with the packing/moving? It's the kind of thing that can go undiscussed, and people don't realise.

LottieDoubtie · 14/05/2017 22:47

And the award for missing the point goes to gin

Glad things are resolving op, hope you're ok!

mellicauli · 14/05/2017 22:47

Long shot here..ask your mum if she has been approached by someone from the bank or the police saying her account has been defrauded or something like that, asking her to move large sums of money. A family member did something similar to your Mum, turned she was caught up in an elaborate story and lost her life savings.

SheSaidHeSaid · 14/05/2017 23:25

Glad to hear a semi positive update & most importantly that your mum is (mostly) ok.

WateryTart · 15/05/2017 06:55

Never seen an apology from a troll hunter. As I said on another thread - small minds, small lives. I wish HQ would ban a few.

WhataHexIgotinto · 15/05/2017 07:05

numbers I was accused of being a troll a couple of weeks ago, and no, no apology was forthcoming! It's a shitty thing to do, but some people really love to make someone else feel shit about themselves, as you can see from this thread. They get a kick out of it.

Any OP, hope all OK with your mum and you get everything sorted between you.

DevilsDumplings · 15/05/2017 07:18

Sorry OP

Fragglez · 15/05/2017 09:15

OP I'm soory you've had a hard time ehen you are looking for support - that sucks.

It all seems very strange, that she has had a go about you keeping in touch when she is the one that has cancelled visits and not returned calls and texts.

I don't think i would be relaxing yet, it sounds a bit like she is trying to shift blame to create some distance between you.

To go from popping in at least once a day to this, with no transitional period, is not normal. I would still be concerned there is an underlying problem.

MerryMarigold · 15/05/2017 09:16

Moving house is stressful and so maybe brings things to the surface, which are usually more easily buried. Also, as you sort stuff out it bring up the past too. Maybe she feels guilty for moving further away and is turning that emotion against you? Or scared at the prospect of having less contact and trying to cut it off more now? Or there are some things you have done/ doing which have made her feel less-than special, and she is realising it? I don't know, but really hope you can talk. It's hard I know. I find it really hard to talk to my mum deeply (always have) even though we are close and see one another a lot.

Username324 · 15/05/2017 15:16

Glad you heard from your mum, OP. The power of MN eh?
At least you know how to contact her in the future if all other avenues fail

littlefurrysheep · 15/05/2017 19:09

i would be going out of my mind. hope everything is ok

Hissy · 15/05/2017 23:31

My mum went quiet before her move.

Only with me mind. She told everyone else about it, the house, the address etc..

When I told her I was hurt she'd excluded me, she told me that "we were never that close"

Ok then...

Some mothers don't do things that we expect...

getitright222 · 01/12/2019 19:04

it is coming up to Christmas and this thread is some years old ..if you are still mumsnetting could you update as to how this turned out .

I have a similar concern and I hate the idea of the moving away part ..how far did was she moving away and what came of the contact .

I do hope you and your mother maintained a good relationship , I am listening to a friend of mine saying that she gave up on leeping in contact with a mother who was interested in her child up until he was about three with a happy relationship of granma help and love and then ...nothing moved away ( with a new partner ) and they never spoke again ..I mean never spoke ..was asked to stop bothering them ( the mother and the New partner ) unfortunately by the partner ...so I am tracing similar stories and trying to see apattern ...and in fact ask if there is anything by law to intervene when you feel you lovey mum is being manipulated ..

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