...to think my mother has just NCd me?

[sleepingonthesparebed]

DM and I have always been close, I live 5 mins away with my DH and Cs and we always spend a lot of time together. She often comes round for tea, collects kids after school sometimes, always popping in and out of each other's homes. DH is often summoned round to do DIY jobs and that's all fine and tikkety-boo.

In the last two weeks I've barely heard from her at all. She had some friends to stay for the weekend two weeks ago and since then it's almost as if she doesn't want to spend time with us anymore. She was going to come round for tea on Weds (a weekly thing) but she texted shortly before to say she'd "rather not anymore". She was also going to come round this afternoon but hasn't returned any calls or texts until just now when she has texted to say she "won't be coming round".

This is all highly unusual and out of character and the kids are most anxious and upset that she won't be here. They've been looking forward all week to seeing her especially as they didn't get a chance when her friends came to stay or on Weds when she would usually have been round.

I know this sounds absurd but it almost feels like her friends have told her to get a life apart from us. She's moving house in a few weeks time but only 10 mins further away. Maybe she's moving away in her mind too.

She won't respond to any messages or pick up the phone when I call. She's not in when I go and pop round. It's like all of a sudden something has happened to make her not want to spend time with us. She's not met someone, that I do know.

As this is so out of character, AIBU to be concerned for her health/welfare or does it seem that she just wants less to do with us? I can't think of anything that we might have said or done to have offended her and as she's not talking to me I can't really find that out.

She's 70 next year and has spoken previously of her concerns about "getting old and incapable" and "staying sane". She's an otherwise very independent single and strong-minded woman.

AIBU to be concerned or is this just a declaration of independence from her family???

[Starlight2345]

What did mum say?

[pudcat]

I don't think we will ever know what Mum said

[peukpokicuzo]

Unless you have been massively crass and insensitive in some way, yanbu to be worried. Sudden personality changes like this can indicate a serious health issue.

[DavetheCat2001]

[sleepingonthesparebed]

Yeah, cheers for that.

So it's been a bit upsetting all round this evening, which is why I posted in the first place and I've been really really grateful for al the wise words and advice but it really doesn't help the situation at all to have my honesty called into account on top of all this or it being suggested that I'm trolling for whatever reason.

I'm sorry, I don't feel able to share the text message I got from my mum (and I don't think I should, particularly if she's reading this thread) but it most certainly is from her, there's no doubt about it. She reassures me that she's fine and that she's just been a bit busy and had I bothered to be in touch a little more I'd have known she was busy and that I'm just getting hot under the collar about nothing.

I'm grateful for all your input and replies and I hope that mum has read them too and that perhaps this has broken the ice a bit to talk about whatever elephant might be in the room or not.

I'm sure you'll understand that in all the circumstances I think I need to sign out now. Thank you to those of you who 'got' my worries and for offering such kind words.

Over and out xx

[NormaSmuff]

Hope the air is cleared

[BoredandConfused]

Thanks MNHQ, the troll hunting on here is getting ridiculous.

Hope all is well OP

[IonaMumsnet]

Evening folks. Just a reminder that we don't allow troll hunting on Mumsnet and will delete any posts like this that are reported to us. We've no reason at all to think the OP is not genuine, but regardless, it's not something we encourage. If someone is a troll, it plays directly into their hands and if they aren't, as we're pretty sure is the case here, they are denied the support and advice they came here for. Please just report posts to us if you're concerned and we can check them out very quickly. OP - hope you manage to sort everything out with your mum.

[Fruitcorner123]

Think you might have gone but wanted to say don't take it personally when people question things on aibu. They don't know you and don't mean anything remotely personal. There are lots of trolls on here. I must have commented on 3 threads this week that turned out to be trolls so it's understandable that people question things. The reason we all commented in the first place and kept coming back to the thread was because we were concerned about your situation. Hope it all gets sorted with your mum.

[Squishedstrawberry4]

I assumed she's just busy packing to move.

[PretendingToBeAMuggle]

.

[GeekyWombat]

If she's read this I'm sure she recognises you care.

[sleepingonthesparebed]

Thank you MNHQ for your sensible stance here. Now that I know that mother is OK, at least for the time being, we're going to be concentrating on talking and spending quality time together over the next few days. Sounds cheesy when I put it like that but I'm knackered and upset so can't think of another way to describe it. I do think however that long term there is something more to it than just "being busy" but hopefully this will have spurred us on to face up to stuff which needs to be discussed.

[sleepingonthesparebed]

Hi fruitcorner. I know - I got the whole frozen cake thing too.... Just feeling a bit vulnerable atm. Thanks anyway.

[metalmum15]

What does she mean by 'if you'd bothered to be in touch more? ' when you've obviously been ringing and texting constantly and she's been ignoring you?

[Foureyesarebetterthantwo]

sleeping you sound far too sensible to be a troll. Hope this is resolved, you sound like you are on the right track getting back in touch and starting talking, I speak to my mum every day too so something like this would be out of the ordinary for us as well.

[Fruitcorner123]

Glad it sounds like you're getting it sorted now though.

[Goldmandra]

He'd have to be very bloody special indeed. I really don't think that there's a new relationship. I'm not in denial. I just know my mum!

I knew my daughter. She was fiercely independent and strong minded and looking forward to starting uni. Within a couple of weeks of meeting the wrong person, she had undergone a dramatic personality change and had made plans to ditch uni and move in with him. She extricated herself eventually and is now perplexed by how someone had such immediate and devastating power over her.

Please do keep the possibility in mind and tread carefully.

[NC1nightstand]

Really hope everything works out for you both. X

[elfies]

I think you were right to be worried sleepingonthesparebed.
It sounds as if you and your mum usually have a lovely family relationship, so it must be hurtful at the moment for both of you .
Hugs to you both

[GabsAlot]

sorry op sounds like something on he mind

sorry to go ot-was th frozen cake thread a troll?