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AIBU?

...to think my mother has just NCd me?

166 replies

sleepingonthesparebed · 14/05/2017 19:28

DM and I have always been close, I live 5 mins away with my DH and Cs and we always spend a lot of time together. She often comes round for tea, collects kids after school sometimes, always popping in and out of each other's homes. DH is often summoned round to do DIY jobs and that's all fine and tikkety-boo.

In the last two weeks I've barely heard from her at all. She had some friends to stay for the weekend two weeks ago and since then it's almost as if she doesn't want to spend time with us anymore. She was going to come round for tea on Weds (a weekly thing) but she texted shortly before to say she'd "rather not anymore". She was also going to come round this afternoon but hasn't returned any calls or texts until just now when she has texted to say she "won't be coming round".

This is all highly unusual and out of character and the kids are most anxious and upset that she won't be here. They've been looking forward all week to seeing her especially as they didn't get a chance when her friends came to stay or on Weds when she would usually have been round.

I know this sounds absurd but it almost feels like her friends have told her to get a life apart from us. She's moving house in a few weeks time but only 10 mins further away. Maybe she's moving away in her mind too.

She won't respond to any messages or pick up the phone when I call. She's not in when I go and pop round. It's like all of a sudden something has happened to make her not want to spend time with us. She's not met someone, that I do know.

As this is so out of character, AIBU to be concerned for her health/welfare or does it seem that she just wants less to do with us? I can't think of anything that we might have said or done to have offended her and as she's not talking to me I can't really find that out.

She's 70 next year and has spoken previously of her concerns about "getting old and incapable" and "staying sane". She's an otherwise very independent single and strong-minded woman.

AIBU to be concerned or is this just a declaration of independence from her family???

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Zipitydooda · 14/05/2017 19:54

I'd contact her friends if you can and see if they'd check on her just to see if she seems ok. Tell them you are worried but don't want them to tell her you sent them. Can you contact the French friends to find out if anything unusual happened. I'd be stalking her house until she appeared. I hope she's ok.

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SunshineDeLaSoul · 14/05/2017 19:54

My mum goes quiet on me when something is wrong with her. I would call her if I were you.

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footballmum · 14/05/2017 19:54

Have you actually told her in your messages how worried you are about her and that you miss her? Maybe a little tug on the heart strings will do the trick?

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sleepingonthesparebed · 14/05/2017 19:55

Sorry pudcat - am a bit distracted with all this at the moment and didn't read it properly.

Have been in touch with my brother (who lives abroad) and he's had a glowing long email from her this weekend telling him how wonderful he is. He even forwarded it to me.

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Ceasre · 14/05/2017 19:57

Absolutely right to be worried. You know your mum so good luck.

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sleepingonthesparebed · 14/05/2017 19:57

The kids are really worried as she's not picking up on Skype either.

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sleepingonthesparebed · 14/05/2017 19:58

Sorry to make it sound as if we only communicate by digital means. I have three DCs and he youngest is 8 months. I work full time and so does DH. We are busy we always make time for her and each other, even if we have to arrange it remotely.

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Tinseleverywhere · 14/05/2017 19:59

I'd go round and see her and tell her you are worried. You are close and there hasn't been any disagreement or anything so I think it's best to just go and talk to her.

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sleepingonthesparebed · 14/05/2017 19:59

I think I'll pop round tonight on some pretext to drop something off and see what's up. Thank you all for your wise words. I'll let you know what happens. X

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0dfod · 14/05/2017 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy · 14/05/2017 20:03

This is very strange.

Has there ever been any form for this?

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Graphista · 14/05/2017 20:04

My mum is a similar age and if she did something like this in an out of character way I'd be very worried.

Given her concerns about losing independance with aging/illness as a result of aging and she's not allowing you to hear her voice, I would be thinking possible stroke.

Definitely agree with going round tonight to check on her. Late enough she'll be in but not so late you're interfering with her bedtime - you'll know when that is.

It's not uncommon for older folk to have something like this happen and imagine it means the complete end of their independance when of course that needn't necessarily be the case.

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Graphista · 14/05/2017 20:05

See email - again no voice heard. This would worry me.

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hmcAsWas · 14/05/2017 20:06

Gosh, how sensitive of your db to share that! Hmm

I hope there is a simple explanation to this op and that you get it resolved. I doubt you have done anything to warrant nc

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LilaBard · 14/05/2017 20:06

I would be worried too. If you can't see her tonight or she won't see you, try talking to a friend. Failing that maybe pop a note through the letterbox saying you are sorry if you've done something to upset her and can she please let you know if you have because you are worried about her/the kids miss her, etc? Maybe that will spurr her to make contact if something is wrong?
Hope she is ok xx

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QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 14/05/2017 20:08

😐

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SheSaidHeSaid · 14/05/2017 20:08

I'd be really worried. I think someone needs to actually see her or speak with her vocally, not messages of some form.

OP, i really hope you get to the bottom of this soon and your mum is ok.

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EweAreHere · 14/05/2017 20:09

Odd and out of character? Glad you're going round. I hope all is well, OP.

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CocktailsInTheSunshine · 14/05/2017 20:10

I'd be worried as well and, like you OP, my immediate thought was of some awful diagnosis she didn't know how to broach - which could possible answer why she emailed your brother and all is normal there. It is much easier to be normal electronically than face to face.

I really hope it is nothing serious and she is just really busy with the move.

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nippey · 14/05/2017 20:11

I would be really worried and also going round to see if she was ok. I hope all is well

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Wando1986 · 14/05/2017 20:13

Doing the right thing, OP. I'd be very worried.

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FuckMyUterus · 14/05/2017 20:14

If this was my mother I would honestly knock her door all day long until she got so annoyed she answered the door... this is very odd. Hope all is ok OP Flowers

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Bluetrews25 · 14/05/2017 20:14

If she'd had a stroke bad enough to affect her voice she'd be in hospital!
Highly unlikely.

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WhataHexIgotinto · 14/05/2017 20:14

I'd be round there, not under a fake pretext, but to ask what the hell was going on.

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magicalmimi · 14/05/2017 20:15

I would be very concerned too, could she have heard or got vibes that perhaps she pops in too often,maybe not for you but for DH?! So is keeping her distance as she feels she is being a nuisance? Not saying that you feel like this, but maybe she feels that you do? I know I am sometimes a little inpatient with my DM when something small (to me) is a big deal to her.Just a case of my having a busy family life and her having more time to worry the little things. If you get no joy tonight, could you ask your brother to intervene and at least find out what the issue is?! Really feel for you and hope all works out well x

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