Nothing for mothers day

[Hapaxlegomenon]

I was really looking forward to my first mothers day (im not in the uk) and I'm so disappointed. We have a newborn. I didn't want my husband to forget because it's not the sort of thing he'd be tuned in to, so my mum told him it would be mothers day last week. I woke up this morning and he didn't even say happy mothers day to me (he knew it was mothers day as we had a gift for my mother). We had a lovely day doing normal weekend things and I was trying to feel grateful but I was feeling really down. In the afternoon I lightheartedly asked when he was going to say happy mothers day to me, and he said it hasn't occurred to him because I'm not his mother. I'm trying to feel good about today but I'm feeling teary. Aibu?! Please tell me if I need to get a grip! Or alternatively cheer me up!

"A gift" not "back gift" dumb tablet!

You'll probably have a long wait then as children rarely buy Mothers or Father's Day cards without any prompting from a parent.

Obviously, but there's a difference between a child who can't even crawl around yet, and one that see's and understands it's mother or father looking after it's needs every day, and becomes aware that a "Mother's Day" and "Father's Day" exists, and may need help to arrange or do something to celbrate their respective parent.

As I mentioned before, I couldn't give shit if I don't get a card or present from a baby and I don't believe it's my partners responsibility to facilitate tha; I'll appreciate it more from a child that can be explained to what that day means and represents. And I wouldn't I resort to petty passive agression to try and prove a point for the future either.

OP don't do anything for Father's Day, not out of spite but just to make him realise

This is a good strategy. I had a bit of a spat with DH over my birthday ("you're not 7!" being one particularly irritating comment). His birthday came. I wished him a happy birthday. He had a card and a wrapped book from me and a card and some wrapped chocolate from the kids. And I left it there. None of the usual fanfare, cakes with sparkly candles, songs etc etc. He didn't say anything, but was obviously a bit deflated.

Come my birthday again? He'd changed his tune....and it was all the more effective for not having had a row about it and for the fact that he'd come to the realisation himself. So - fathers' day comes? Do nothing. He's not your father after all....

whattheactual Mothering Sunday has a religious basis in the Christian church.
Poster is in the USA where Mothers Day is on a different date and has become a hugely commercialise, non religious "Hallmark" holiday.

Thats right, she isnt his mother, but tradition states its the other partners job to make sure you receive a card from the kids on Mothers/Fathers Day

No it isn't!

OP, it's up to you and your DH to work out how you wish to celebrate Mother's Day but I think you need to actually talk to him about it. I definitely wouldn't have wanted anything from my DH so it wouldn't have bothered me at all but if I had had expectations I would have told him. We don't do anything at all for Mother's Day and we never have done so I suspect my sons might be in your DHs situation one day. 😂

I generally like very, very low key birthdays but realised I'd like a bit more of a fuss on my 50th so. I just let everyone know and a fuss was made and much appreciated. It's a nice way to do things as people don't have to guess what other want.

It's silently expecting things that's the problem.

It's pretty unkind of him to get a mothers' day card for his own mother from the baby, and get nothing for you- she isn't the baby's mother either. A newborn needs a bit of help to organise mothers' y presents- could he not have bought a card for you from the baby when he got the other card?

YANBU my DH always gets me at least a card and a bunch of flowers. He gets me a card from him and separate card from the kids. You should talk to him about this.

Biker47 I agree with not getting revenge, but mother's day gifts can be from her partner. She doesn't have to be his actual mother for her role as a mother to be an important part of his life. This is why I asked if it's cultural because I noticed that unlike the UK where I think it's common to give only to your mother and maybe you mil, where I am it's more a celebration of motherhood rather than just a day for your own mother.

YANBU. This is what my DH was like at first - ours was newborn for my first Mother's Day. It just never occurred to him that someone (i.e. the other parent) needs to do this stuff on behalf of babies and children who are too young to do it themselves. He gets it now, and never ever needs prompting.

It's not thoughtless if he thought that mother's day is for children to show they appreciate their mothers, and has grown up having mother's day modelled in that way. It's normal in plenty of families for gifts from children only to start when the children are old enough to be actively involved (picking some daisies or fliers from the garden, making something themselves etc) - after all a newborn is pretty much attached to you, it's fairly obvious that they need you and "love" you in their newborn, utterly self centered way :o

Talk to him Hapax - perhaps he thought your mum was reminding him for his mum, and the idea of buying something from your baby for you is alien to him because it wasn't done in his family growing up.

Some kids give their parents valentine cards, some families find that an alien concept and a bit odd - not giving your parents valentine cards isn't thoughtless. It's the same here - not giving your wife/ partner a mother's day card isn't thoughtless if it's an alien concept to do things that way in your immediate experience.

You need to explain your expectations, it's a mini "culture" clash of you come from families with different traditions. As this matters to you, explain clearly and be clear what you expect next year. Then if he doesn't do it, he's thoughtless.

DH didnt say anything to me this morning, left me to get a 5 and 2 yo ready for church, then when I raised it with him he got really aggressive and shouted that he wasnt helping because he was trying to print a voucher off. So well thought out. Prick.

Travelledtheworld you have realised that the OP's mother's day was today, she talked about the afternoon, it's probably between 4 am and 1 am in the USA right now, so I very much doubt the OP is in the USA. Probably Australia at a guess.

I definitely don't think you're overreacting. I totally get why you're upset.

It doesn't have to be an expensive gift. It's a token of appreciation.

Never understood this type of thread on mumsnet.

Where does the OP say her DH got his own mother a card, either from himself or the baby? He didn't get his mother a card. OP says: "He knew it was mothers day as we had a gift for my mother".

A considerate person would wish you Happy Mother Day on behalf of the baby.

Pohtato- on the one hand I agree, the day to day things are more important BUT it would be a bit hard, for example to start every day saying "you are a really good mother and I appreciate everything you do for our baby. Here's breakfast in bed". It's quite nice to have a day where that sort of thing can be said. Also (anecdotal). Most of the partnerships I have known (including mine) where the OH really set no store whatsoever by their partners birthdays, Mother's Day etc (despite knowing their partner did) they were cockwombles the rest of the time so it wasn't as if it was made up by having someone doing nice things all through the year.

I had ready the argument that he is not your mother. I also hear the protests crying it's a pointless charade because babies and small children don't understand what's it's about.
I call bullshit on these views.
DH always got me a card and gifts to spoil me and to include me on the days 'celebrations' and to acknowledge that I was indeed a mother that was appreciated and loved.
He carried on with this until the boys were old enough to remember and do it for themselves.
I know the argument could be that you should be appreciated all year but sometimes in whe whirlwind of live things get forgotten so it's nice to have a special day of taking a breather, having time out and being spoiled a little by your family.
I do understand that this isn't possible for everyone but in this case I don't think the OP was UR for being a little upset.

It's mother's day where I live too (not the US) and each of my children did something according to their ability.

My 11 year old cooked me breakfast and cycled (a 14 km 'round trip as we live in the countryside) on her own to a shop to buy me chocolate, and painted me a lovely cheesy placard with a clever painted background behind a hallmark style verse

My 9 year old made me a necklace at school in "handwork" lesson (as, of course, did all his classmates for their mothers) and tidied up the kitchen and washed up the pans dc1 cooked with.

My 6 year old picked me a bunch of daisies and buttercups and presented them in an old glass bottle he had dug up in the garden and carefully washed and tied a ribbon saved from an Easter chocolate around

My DH has gone to visit his mum in hospital because she is his mum. He didn't do anything when our kids were babies as far as I remember, and has never taken them shopping, but since being at Kindergarten they've been aware of mothers day and done things within their own capabilities.

I'll never forget my first breakfast in bed - 5am plastic bowl of cornflakes and plastic beaker with a bit of water in the bottom when DC1 was 4 - she'd woken 2 yo dc2 to help her too, and he carried the beaker of water good job the stairs aren't carpeted :o :o It's so sweet when they do it themselves though.

Share your expectations though, not everyone expects the same thing or can read minds...

Slightly different to the ops situation where now he knows hopefully he will pull his finger out in the future :)

Ehm, I don't know.

My mother used to dislike mother's day (said she was a mother everyday of the year)...

I don't think YABU. Not at all. He saw that the day was meaningful in your family and he didn't think it was appropriate to do anything for you.

But it is possible he genuinely didn't think he had to... I think you have to talk about this.

YANBU. I'm in Australia, and if my DH was alive, he'd make sure the day was special, though to be sure the card would always come from DD, because she's old enough to make her own card.

Flopjustwantscoffee I see where you're coming from. I guess it just comes down to the individual at the end of the day. Funny enough, my experience was the opposite of yours.

I had a partner who did not care one bit about special days. They never said anything, but I always knew and felt like I was appreciated and loved. On the other hand, I had a partner who made a big fuss on birthdays. Think huge dinners, presents, full day outings etc. This person also turned out to be cheating scum, so in retrospect to me the gestures on those days felt like nothing more than compensation for the rest of the year.

Not saying this is the case for everyone, of course. Just my personal feeling that special days are just days and what's done/not done doesn't reflect on someone as a whole.

I don't think you're over reacting - this is your first mother's day as a mother and I would expect, as the mother of his child, that he should acknowledge you as such. They don't produce mother's day cards 'to my darling wife/partner/fiancee' for no reason or indeed friends/relatives sometimes wish mothers happy mother's day at times. I would feel miffed too - you should have been acknowledged .... Happy Mother's Day OP

I can understand him not wishing you a happy Mother's day as you aren't his mother, but it wouldn't have hurt him to pop out and get you a card or a box of chocolates from baby, especially as it's your first one.

Any new father with any sense at all, gets a Mothers Day present for his wife, "from" the baby. He must be stupider than a stupid thing not to realise this

Oh what nonsense. I would have been nothing but irritated if I had been presented with Mother's day stuff.