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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how long does it take to meet someone and have a baby?

401 replies

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 14/05/2017 00:40

This is going to seem like a ridiculous question, which I acknowledge, bit hope you forgive me because we cannot be rational all the time. I am worrying a lot that, at 33, I am no closer to having a child than I was at 23. And I am just getting older. I am single and do not have anyone in the pipeline who wants children one day. Please share your stories of time between met - engaged - married - baby (or met - baby) to help me work out what my cut off needs to be for giving up going it alone.

OP posts:
thewrinklefairy · 15/05/2017 17:43

Together at 19
Moved in together aged 28
Married at 32
First DS 8 months later at 33, 2nd DD at 34, 3rd DS at 36, miscarriage at 37 and 4th DD at 38.
Always planned 4 - and would recommend having them as close together as possible.
You have plenty of time!

Hairyfairy01 · 15/05/2017 17:43

Ummm, pregnant within a few hours of meeting (ds) another baby (dd) (planned this time) 3 years later, engaged 4 years after meeting and married 5 years after meeting. 10 years on and still going strong. Life can unexpectedly turn out ok.

MrsOH2 · 15/05/2017 17:43

Met February 2012, I was 30 at the time. Engaged October 2012 and married August 2014. Our first baby is due July 2017, we've been together 5 years as of February just gone.
I'm now 35 (almost 36) and the husband turned 43 earlier this year.

clarabellb · 15/05/2017 17:44

Got together 19
Engaged 29
Married 30
First D.C. 36
Hoping to have another before I'm 38 (aug 2018)

24deedee · 15/05/2017 17:45

Started going out May 2014 age 39, daughter born weeks before our 1st anniversary at the beginning of May 2015, coming up to 3rd anniversary and TTC no.2! Had resigned myself to a life of spinsterdom...

deeedeee · 15/05/2017 17:47

33 - agonised about leaving 8 year relationship to a lovely man who I was engaged to, because it wasn't right. Worried I'd never have children if I left him.

33 and 1/4 Left him

33 and 1/2 met DH

33 and 3/4 pregnant

34 and 1/2 DS born

37 and 3/4 Got married and DD conceived on wedding night

lionlaw · 15/05/2017 17:48

Started dating dp age 34, 2002. Had known him slightly previously. Almost immediately spent all time together and moved in within 6 months. Married 4 years later, child 4.5 years later. There is plenty of time and you never know when it will happen. I just bumped into him in the city centre by accident, we went for a drink and have never looked back. Just be open to things 😃 good luck with it

damewithaname · 15/05/2017 17:50

There is no time frame. What I can say is, stop looking for it to happen, stop thinking it to happen and when you've done that, it will happen.

Met in 2000.
Married in 2007.
First baby in 2009.
Second baby in 2013.
Third baby in 2015.
Fourth baby...oh my soul! I'm done 😊

Zebra31 · 15/05/2017 17:53

Met DH at 33
Engaged at 37
Pregnant, married and DD born at 38 (in that order). It was a busy year. Grin

juneau · 15/05/2017 17:53

What are you doing to meet someone OP? You say you're not very good at meeting people, so do you have a wide circle of friends? Do you go out a lot? Do you have interests that lead to you meeting new people?

If the answer to all those is 'no' then take a long hard look at how you could make some changes, because in order to find someone special you click with you have to meet people - often quite a lot of people. That magical 'something' is not found every day. So cast your net wide and think creatively. You might want to consider joining a dating agency that you have to pay for too. A good friend of mine, mid-30s and desperate to have DC, did this and met a guy who was also serious about settling down and having a family. Both had tried OLD and found it a dis-spiriting experience with far too much dross to wade through.

SuperSue77 · 15/05/2017 17:57

I felt similarly at about age 28, not had any serious relationships, wasn't meeting anyone with whom I could settle down. I was over weight which I didn't think was helping and so lost the weight, got fit and started online dating. After a year or so I met my husband on an activity holiday for single people. We met in the August, after I had just turned 30, got engaged in the February and married in the August, exactly a year after we had met. That Christmas we were announcing to our family that baby no. 1 was due the following July. So from meeting to marriage and first baby was just under 2 years. We will have been together 10 years this August and still happily married with 3 children. This won't suit everyone obviously but we were both ready to settle down and wanted similar things. We had similar values and fairly similar backgrounds. I am very laid back which helps as when you get older and have spent a lot of time on your own pleasing yourself, it can be quite hard adjusting to being in a couple.
You really need to get out there and look for someone. Online dating is great as you get to filter out some of those you probably wouldn't go for. Beware of those after different things, luckily I didn't come across many of those but this was 10 years ago. It is totally possible but you need to get yourself out there. Get fitting fit and don't waste time on those who aren't looking for the same thing that you are. Obviously you need to be careful you don't scare them off but to be honest within 6 weeks of meeting, my husband and I were on a romantic "mini break" discussing what price property we could buy if we sold our individual homes. Good luck! Hope you meet someone lovely.
P.S. I don't believe in there being "the one". I believe that marriage and relationships take a lot of hard work and compromise. It also helps if you fancy each other like mad, even after 10years!

KTC40 · 15/05/2017 18:00

Hi, I was single at 33 and met DP at 33, made sure I went out socially at every opportunity, looked into online dating, but it happend when I least expected it, went for a couple of drinks on a Sunday night, my friend got chatting to his friend so we were left to chat, 5 hours later swapped numbers (the other two had a one nighter 😝) she is now married with one on the way but we started messaging and dating, started TTC at 35, no luck, IVF x3 37-38 years old, went onto DE, now I'm 42 with 1 and 2 year old girls

From my experiences of decreased ovarian reserve I would get your fertility checked out and maybe freeze some eggs if you can afford it (I know a few women who have done this), it will take the pressure off both of you when you meet someone, in hind site, if I had known I would have frozen my eggs in my 20s but I wouldn't change my two now so that's a moot point

TorchesTorches · 15/05/2017 18:02

Met at 35, engaged at 36, married at 37, first baby at 39, 2nd baby at 40. All quite fast, but completely right for us and didn't feel rushed.

BusMum79 · 15/05/2017 18:02

My husband asked me out for a drink at my 30th birthday party (we had known each other for about 6 months, but not particularly well). We went on our first date the following week. I moved in with him after 16 months, engaged after 2 years together and got married just before our 3rd anniversary. I got pregnant a fortnight after coming back from honeymoon. We now have two DS (nearly 4 and nearly 2). We will haven been married 5 years this year. I was pretty much single throughout my 20s and felt as you do a lot. Things move quickly when you're older, and when you know, you know. I thought that was all a load of crap but it's true.

allwomanR · 15/05/2017 18:09

I met my DH speed dating Feb 2011. Moved in together Feb 2012, got pregnant Jan 2013 (planned) married Feb 2013 (planned!) now have 2 DCs. Even though we only met for 5 minutes initially something clicked and by 3rd date I knew I was onto something Smile so it can take no time at all to meet someone! I did go speed dating in a different place to where I was living though where I was more likely to meet a 'kindred spirit' as it were...

missdebaroo · 15/05/2017 18:12

We met in July 2011
1st baby December 2012
2nd baby December 2015
When it's right it's right just go for it and ignore people say you have to know someone for x amount of time before doing anything like babies or weddings.

UnicornPiss · 15/05/2017 18:13

Started dating at 17 (11 days before xmas)
By following xmas our ds was 2 & 1/2 months old Blush
2 more kids
& still together 24 years later

Rufus27 · 15/05/2017 18:17

Met him aged 35
Dated him aged 36
Bought house together aged 41
Became parents at 44.

If I had married the blokes I dated in my 20s and 30s, I'd be divorced. It can take time to get to know yourself before you're ready to meet Mr Really Right.

Vladi10 · 15/05/2017 18:17

I met my other half in 2006 but we didn't get together until 2010. Now married with 2 kids and I'm 39.

Craigie · 15/05/2017 18:17

Met at 23, married at 34, first baby at 38.

Spoog1971xx · 15/05/2017 18:18

Met and married DH within 10 weeks and has DS1 6 years later age 41. You have ages!

Rufus27 · 15/05/2017 18:19

In the light of what XTC said, I should add: Menopause at 39 and approved to adopt at 43.

Rufus27 · 15/05/2017 18:20

*KTC

mylittlephoney · 15/05/2017 18:20

Met in 95.
Engaged in 96
Married in 2000
Baby 2010
We didn't expect to be able to have any children so amazing that we did.

Don't give up
my cousin met his wife when he was 40 she was 41 they got married 6 months later had their son a year after that.

MuvaWifey77 · 15/05/2017 18:21

Met and moved in within 6 weeks. Been together for 3 years. Married with baby due in September :)