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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was it U to write this message in a card?

75 replies

Bubbinsmakesthree · 13/05/2017 09:03

Just sorting through a memory box with DH and we found the birth congratulations card from my DM when our PFB was born, which reignited a (fairly trivial) argument with DH over the message DM wrote in the card.

The card said "Many congratulations, especially to Bubbins" (i.e. Me, her DD).

DH took offence at this as he thinks it sounds like she was deliberately excluding/minimising him. I think it is simply acknowledging that actually physically giving birth is a big deal and DM is just acknowledging that.

Who is being U?

OP posts:
Gallavich · 13/05/2017 09:04

It is a bit weird but not worth having a row over

LindyHemming · 13/05/2017 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

intravenouscoffee · 13/05/2017 09:06

I think it's a bit odd and would agree with your DH. Not sure I'd have an argument over it but I can see why he was annoyed.

FanaticalFox · 13/05/2017 09:06

He is BU definitely. I have just received a card from my husband's boss which says congratulations on the birth of your beautiful daughter, well done Fox. My husband didn't bat an eye lid! We did the hard work, doesn't mean they are not congratulating both of us though!

TrishanFlips · 13/05/2017 09:07

I don't see anything wrong with your message. You had to do the hard bit. Tell your DH to grow up. I don't think your DM meant anything offensive by it - just acknowledging your labour.

AlternativeTentacle · 13/05/2017 09:07

I am sure when he pushes something the size of a large melon through his peephole, he may well get the same message.

What a ridiculous man.

KRG13 · 13/05/2017 09:07

I think it's a bit odd.

A 'and a big well done to bubbins' or something added on I would probably get, but i can see why your DH would mildly prickle at what was written

lanbro · 13/05/2017 09:09

If I congratulate a couple on a birth I always write "congratulations couple, well done woman", perfectly normal

maras2 · 13/05/2017 09:09

Wouldn't have bothered DH.
I've just woken him up to ask him Grin

museumum · 13/05/2017 09:10

I think it's fine and right to congratulate the couple but then mention the mother who has just given birth a bit more. Good for her.
It says congrats to you both on now having a dc but special congrats to you for getting through giving birth.

Enidblyton1 · 13/05/2017 09:10

Your DH is being unreasonable.
You gave birth! It's quite normal to give special mention to the mother.
This obviously taps into insecurities your DP has with your DM though.

JigglyTuff · 13/05/2017 09:17

Wow - was your DH pregnant for most of a year and did he give birth?

Is he always this precious?

Original poster
Bubbinsmakesthree · 13/05/2017 09:18

KRG13 I think you have hit the nail on the head.

DM is prone to foot-in-mouth and DH is not her biggest fan so he sees it as another example of her being offensive without realising.

OP posts:
howthelightgetsin · 13/05/2017 09:19

It's oddly written but she clearly meant congratulations to you both and well done to you specifically for giving birth.

Witchend · 13/05/2017 09:23

I think if it was MIL writing it to dh then a lot of people on here would take offence.

Yes, mother is much more involved in the birth, Wink so I think less offence, but it could still be felt as a slight.

Although personally I'd roll eyes and ignore it, I can see why he took offence.

Ohmyfuck · 13/05/2017 09:26

Normal message. Nothing to make an issue out of. Completely normal.

Smellbellina · 13/05/2017 09:26

Does your DH realise that whilst having a baby was a joint enterprise, it was you that did the hard graft.
Like if you decided to build a house together, drew up the plans together then he built it by himself with his own bare hands (whilst you supported from the sidelines) you might expect people to say "wow congratulations guys, especially you DH" I doubt he'd see such a problem with it then.

SummerMummy88 · 13/05/2017 09:26

I get it, I would be annoyed too. It's a congratulations card to you both, I don't think it needed to be said.
Somebody wrote in my guest book at my wedding a whole page congratulating my husband on his achivments and didn't mention me his bride once, it's the same sort of thing. It annoyed me so much I threw the whole guest book In the bin.

ifeelcraptonight · 13/05/2017 09:28

Well done ? What if you had a section? Would that not be well done?

I can see why your husband thinks it's a bit off.

EllaHen · 13/05/2017 09:28

It's not just the birth though is it? Nine months of pregnancy too, off course it's not a slight on him.

Jesus, what a baby. Tell him to grow up.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/05/2017 09:30

I like the analogy Smellbellina.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 13/05/2017 09:30

OP's mum might equally well have said well done if she'd had a section (how do we know she didn't).

Oddly phrased but harmless.

GahBuggerit · 13/05/2017 09:31

Yes he's being a massive baby himself op. Getting jealous and titty lipping over this? God tell him to grow up

GolyHuacamole · 13/05/2017 09:32

Your DH is being very unreasonable and a bit of a dick!

Usually the man has his 5 minutes of excitement and the woman has morning sickness, carrying a child for 9 months, giving up/avoiding various drinks and food, giving birth, baby blues, feeling like a diary cow, body going to pot, putting career on hold etc etc and the man just cracks on with life. Ok massive generalisation but you know what I mean and I think most reasonable men would agree Grin

NormaSmuff · 13/05/2017 09:33

you did all the hard work, you carried the baby, you gave birth to the baby.
you deserved the congratulations.

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