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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

17 year old

30 replies

Lou898 · 12/05/2017 23:32

I'm in a dilemma. My 17 year old wants to go out with his friends clubbing but they are all 18. He's never asked before but it's the next youngest birthday and they want to go out to a club. My dilemma is that he'd have to use a fake ID or someone else's. What if he gets caught? I feel a little hypocritical because I went out drinking in pubs when I was his age and to clubs but you didn't need to provide ID and I was never asked my age so was never an issue.
He's very sensible and he will begrudgingly accept my decision if I say no but am I overthinking it.- I would hate him to get into serious trouble i.e. With police for sake of a couple of months...he's 18 in July but equally don't want to spoil his fun.

OP posts:

SmhShakingMyHead · 12/05/2017 23:35

Might take away the fake ID if caught but I'm assuming that's the worst that will happen.

Serious trouble? I'm not sure what you're expecting might happen really

Keepthebloodynoisedown · 12/05/2017 23:38

They might confiscate the id but that's it, the police don't really have the man power to go around arresting 17yos that try to get into clubs

MilesHuntsWig · 12/05/2017 23:39

As long as he's got a safe way home if the others get in and he doesn't I'd leave it up to him (having been the youngest out of a group of friends).

Maybe make it about trust saying if he can behave himself and not draw attention to himself it's up to him?

Jellykat · 12/05/2017 23:43

Very much doubt the police will be called if they suss him, he'll just get refused entry.. Why not tell him he can go, but if theres trouble with his id, its his responsibility... and make sure he has plans on getting home alone if his friends get in and he doesn't. (Mother of 2 over 18 DSs)

Scotlass · 12/05/2017 23:46

My experience is if they are sensible and use someone elses id that looks like them and they know the name/dob they get in. DD went out last weekend, similar age to your DS and mix of 17/18 yr olds and there was no issue. One of her friends got turned away by the bouncer as her borrowed id didn't look anything like her and he politely told her no chance of getting in when she didn't have anything else with name on. Her mum had waited round the corner so she just went home. No big trouble at all.

elephantoverthehill · 13/05/2017 00:02

Fake foreign ID cards was the way ds and his mates did it. They just had to speak in silly accents all night . We just used to repeat our fake 'dates of birth' all the way to Tiffany's.
I guess it depends on his maturity.

Ginfiend · 13/05/2017 00:21

Places much more clued up now.
Challenge 25 is in place across the board now.
Most places won't accept foreign ID cards.
Either- uk driving licence/ any passport/ PASS card.
That's it.

He'll have a tough time getting in.

mumeeee · 13/05/2017 00:27

Clubs are strict round here and he wouldn't get in with a fake ID card

hellokittymania · 13/05/2017 05:11

My cousin told me that her passport was canceled after her younger sister tried to get into a club with it. She was also not 18. I don't know if a fake ID is the same thing as using somebody else's passport though.

GnomeDePlume · 13/05/2017 06:40

I would advise against it. I seem to remember there was a thread a while back where someone had accepted a caution for using a fake id. This caution was then causing her problems a few years later when trying to get on a nursing course which required an enhanced background check. I cant remember the details but I dont think it is worth the risk.

EezerGoode · 13/05/2017 06:50

I don't think he'd get in...ive 3 adult teens..its passport or driving license

Scribblegirl · 13/05/2017 06:55

Friend's big sister's driving license was the way forward when I was a teen (grew up in an area that was very tight on ID). Passports don't work - for one, no one in their right mind will lend one which could be confiscated when they cost so much to replace, and two, the photo is too big/detailed. When I was younger provisional licenses could be reported as lost for £20, onus on the under-ager to pay if it was taken.

I'm a very law-abiding citizen (even more so when I was a teen, I'd have been terrified to get in trouble with the police) but it's shit being 17 when all your mates have already had their birthdays and can go out. So long as he's sensible then I can't see a problem TBH.

LightastheBreeze · 13/05/2017 07:00

DS's friend, July born, couldn't get in clubs as it is so strict, we never had this with DS as he was November born so one of the older ones in the year group. It is a difficult year as some are 18 and some not and it makes such a difference for going out places. Also when they had their year 13 Summer Ball the ones not yet 18 couldn't drink alcohol which at that age seems to be quite a big thing. Never had this when I was young, you just said you was 18 when you was 15

Jellykat · 13/05/2017 20:20

DS2 got into clubs and gigs using his half brothers ID only last year (in Bristol and Birmingham) so it probably depends where you are maybe...

BlessYourCottonSocks · 13/05/2017 20:26

It's also Passports or Driving Licence here. And I speak from bitter experience as the DM of a 17 yo who had her (21 yo) sister's ID confiscated by bouncers. I had left them with DH for the weekend and had no idea that that was her plan for friend's 18th.

What a jolly trip we had to the police station to recover her sister's driving licence...

AlmostAJillSandwich · 13/05/2017 20:27

Even when i was 18 (27 now) places insisted on provisional/full driving license or passport only. PASS cards were rejected, despite being made for the purpose of proving age, because they were so easy to fake, as such only the actual expensive photo ID's were accepted.

Also i don't agree with using a fake/someone elses. Admittedly i was October born so would have been the first to turn 18 but by that point i was disabled and unable to go out anyway, so i've never been in a club, but at the end of the day it is illegal and your son isn't 8 yet. It won't kill him to miss out not going until he is 18 himself, by which pointh e'll likely be out every weekend.

Notso · 13/05/2017 20:37

Obviously it must depend where you live. DH and I went to a club on bank holiday weekend and walked straight back out as it was full of DD just turned 16's school friends.

Notso · 13/05/2017 20:40

DD has just turned 17 not 16.

Original poster

Lou898 · 20/05/2017 18:46

Update.....I decided to let him go. Altho he nearly didn't as arrangements fell apart a bit. He borrowed a friends driving licence but it was on the understanding that if he got caught he was on his own and would face whatever the consequences. As arrangements went awry he didn't go ou till 11.45pm ( who does that???) and came in at 3.15am. He was sensible, had seen a lot that opened his eyes and prob made him understand my concerns a bit more. So all was good. He's 18 in 8 weeks and has got exams now so prob won't be pushing to go out again until then. Thank you for all your replies I did take them all into consideration but ultimately I was going to go against one side. I do feel now I made the right decision. He chose to ask me ...he could have said he was staying at a friends and gone anyway, he was sensible, he's with a good set of friends who look out for each other (one didn't get in to a venue so they all came out) and therefore he's gained my trust.

OP posts:

NC1nightstand · 20/05/2017 18:56

Wow, sounds like a lovely young man with good friends. You must be very proud of him and also of the parenting you've done to get him to this point! My boys are still little but I hope they are able to come to me and be open and honest when they are 17.

Original poster

Lou898 · 20/05/2017 20:49

Thanks NC1 he is turning into a lovely young man....drives me crazy at times but much more amenable than his younger brother. I hope the younger one learns to take a leaf out of his book!! The only positive is the older one will be able to take the younger one into town when his time comes and show him the ropes! I love them both dearly tho.

OP posts:

Hastalapasta · 20/05/2017 20:54

Glad it went well. Will remember this for when my summer born DD starts going out....

Trumpton · 20/05/2017 21:03

DD1 has an August birthday and was very petite so had VERY good fake id .
DD2 has a January birthday and was tall for her age so she used her elder sisters id.
I took the same line as you..."tell me where you are and who you are with and I will return the trust "

Haffdonga · 20/05/2017 21:14

It's so difficult for the younger ones in the year they turn 18 and social lives start revolving round clubs. Fake id is absolutely 'normal' round here for the summer borns.

Your ds sounds like a sensible lad and you sound like a wise mum. Just getting inside a venue a month younger than his mates doesn't mean he'll be any more lead astray than any of his other mates.

silkpyjamasallday · 20/05/2017 21:17

I started going clubbing at 15 using an older friends passport, she had blue eyes and I have brown. I never had it confiscated, only refused entry when I didn't know 'my' star sign and they didn't take the ID off me. They won't get the police involved, they don't even tend to bother informing them of the odd brawl and just let bouncers deal with it. Friends with actual fake IDs ordered from Russia, which were really pretty good, did have them confiscated but the clubs didn't do anything else about it. I think he will be fine, just be on hand to pick him up if he gets rejected as he can't really insist everyone else doesn't go in. It is annoying for the younger friends missing out but the opposite can also be true, I was the oldest in my group by 6 months so no big 18th night out for me.

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