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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU.. to plan a lengthy commute heavily pregnant?

99 replies

m4rdybum · 12/05/2017 17:41

New member, but always been a lurker on these forums - wasn't sure where the best place to post this would be - and I have no friends with babies/pregnancies who can give me advice.

Me & DH are 90% decided on moving to a town an 1hr away (cheaper house prices, family closer by, love the area). Money is fine and I'm 90% certain I'll get a pay rise (I bloody deserve one) to cover commuting costs, so I can stay at my current job.

The plan is to buy a house in said town and then my DH would like to get a new job and I will commute.

We're both on the cusp of TTC (getting the house is the first priority) but I am really cautious about maternity pay. I'd like to stay where I am so I know I can get it, and also I don't want me be the girl who gets past her 3 month probation at a new job then announces she's pregnant and leaving in 8 months!

This would mean that there's going to be a period of any planned (or unplanned, who the fuck knows) pregnancy that I'll be commuting. The commute is about a 40 min walk to the train station (no buses at that time, leaving house at 5.45am), train at 6.30am to work town, 45 minute walk from station to work - then the same on the way back, but getting a bus home from the station, getting home about 7pm.

We reckon I could get away (depending on timing of said pregnancy) with commuting for 4-6 months before maternity.

BUT, is this even gonna be possible when I'm 6-8 months gone?!

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 12/05/2017 20:36

No from me. Not with either pregnancy. Could barely get through ft job and I had almost no commute (15 mins in car).

SecretNetter · 12/05/2017 20:36

Definitely not op.

39 weeks pg and have had anemia and sciatica in this pregnancy. For the past 3 weeks ish a ten minute waddle to the corner shop is the max I can take. Before that, from about 30 weeks, I was severely restricted because of anemia.

You just don't know how you'll be so you'd be silly to risk it.

Andcake · 12/05/2017 20:37

I walked 45 mins to work until I was 34 weeks fine but I was always too knackered to walk home.
Also for me the biggest thing would be returning to work. Travel times especially when trains delayed is basically time away from your child. Also family support could you rely on them every day they may end up resenting it..

Xmasbaby11 · 12/05/2017 20:38

I'd get a new job first if possible. It's much easier going back to a job after having a baby then looking for a new one.

furryleopard · 12/05/2017 20:45

I have a rubbish 90 min/2 hr commute - bus, train, train, 10 min walk. By week 25 pregnant I really struggled with the walk bit and it was too much especially as I had SPD the other bits I could do but that walk was awful I started getting the bus up the hill and colleagues would drop me off at the station at the end of the day. Although I did work from home a fair bit plus with appointments in my last few weeks I wasn't in the office much to be fair maybe once a week twice at the most.

bugaboo218 · 12/05/2017 20:48

You are aibu to think you can do a long distance commute when heavily pregnant.

A long commute ( 90 mins or more each way) is doable (just) if it involves one train or car journey without any changes or having to faff around with buses or lots of walking. The more 'add ons' you factor in the more stressful commuting is.

IMO I think more and more people.will be forced to do longer commutes because house prices mean that lots of people cannot afford to buy a house within an hour of London but still need to get to work in the Capital

MrsELM21 · 12/05/2017 20:49

No chance, the walking is far too far!

seven201 · 12/05/2017 20:55

Absolutely no way should you do this. 3 hours of walking plus 2 because you'll be going so much slower when heavily pregnant! I had a four minute walk up a hill from the car park to my building and I had to stop for a breather at least twice. Get a new job!

Original poster

m4rdybum · 12/05/2017 20:57

*Thanks for everyone's posts- I did have my doubts about being able to waddle walk to the station and work then back.

I just really want to get sorted now, But my DH is pretty much horizontal he's so relaxed about looking for a new job.

I will consider doing the commute from here for now (minus TTC) then at least I'm building up the time I've been working somewhere & can take advantage of any extra maternity plans/have somewhere to go back to after maternity leave.*

OP posts:

newmumwithquestions · 12/05/2017 20:57

Umm going against the grain here but I'd have found the walking fine - I kept walking all through my first pregnancy (and running after a toddler during my second). This included long several hours walks. But the whole thing - up really early, full day at work, long commute ? The whole thing together sounds really tough. I'd try to avoid it.

skyzumarubble · 12/05/2017 21:07

Sod that without being pregnant quite frankly.

CurlyMango · 12/05/2017 21:09

I couldn't have done it.

Joffmognum · 12/05/2017 21:12

I had a standing-up-all-day job with a 1 hour walking commute both ways until 38 weeks.

It depends on your personal fitness levels. Someone who was fit pre-pregnancy should be able to handle it, but women used to being sedentary would find it super uncomfortable.

ItsThisOneThing · 12/05/2017 21:12

Your 3rd trimester would be the hardest in my experience. I'm in my 3rd tri and starting to feel the walking part of my commute is a struggle, and it's nowhere near as long as yours.

Feet are swelling badly on most days, and the waddling is really uncomfortable.

I sound the 1st & 2nd trimesters fine.

haveacupoftea · 12/05/2017 21:13

I think you need to come up with a sensible plan. If you both switch jobs will it be likely that you get a mortgage? If not, secure the mortgage first and get the house sorted. Then commute whilst looking for a new job. Then get new job and THEN TTC.

Your other option is to begin TTC and stay put.

Either way you should probably sit down and discuss with DP what you're going to get cracking on.

Joffmognum · 12/05/2017 21:14

But I did have a dodgy couple of weeks when my hips gave out and for some reason my feet were really sensitive. I couldnt go to the bathroom by myself. I drove then, and took sick leave during the worst bit, but that was only for a couple of weeks in early third trimester.

grumpysquash3 · 12/05/2017 21:14

Why not get a job now in the place you want to move to, commute at first, then move house. Chances are you won't have to do the long commute while pg (unless it happens fast and the house move is slow) and it might inspire your DP to get a job too (otherwise he'll be the one with the long commute). Chances are very high that you would qualify for mat leave.
It does sound a very bad journey though, when it would just take an hour to drive......

SheepyFun · 12/05/2017 21:18

Would very much suggest you think about cycling instead of walking. I was cycling 50 miles a week until I was admitted at 37 weeks (having cycled the day before). No-one would suggest taking up cycling while you're pregnant, but I'm assuming you aren't at the moment? 45 minutes walk is, I guess, 2-3 miles, or a 15 minute cycle, so if you got a brompton (folding bike which could go on the train), you've knocked an hour off your commute each day. I was comfortably able to cycle that sort of distance throughout my pregnancy - might make it doable?

HildaOg · 12/05/2017 21:23

The commute sounds terrible tbh. Maybe better to learn how to drive first? Then the commute is a lot quicker and you'll have a better quality of life. You'll need a car once you have a child anyway, or at least it makes life much easier.

skyzumarubble · 12/05/2017 21:24

I do t think it has anything to do with personal fitness levels, it depends on the pregnancy. I was super fit when I got pregnant, got signed off at 21 weeks with crippling sacro-iliac dysfunction. Commute of 1 hr 20 mins on tube and train. I couldn't even hobble to the end of my road.

mimiholls · 12/05/2017 21:27

I wouldn't. If you took mat leave at 29 weeks might be ok. I had a 3 hour round trip commute which included about an hour of walking total and it was hell even though I had an extremely easy pregnancy. I would get the new job now- it will likely be much easier to go part time in an existing job than get a new job that fits the hours you want after baby.

MarcelineTheVampire · 12/05/2017 21:34

No this sounds bonkers.

I have to walk a lot and commute for an hour and it almost killed me in both pregnancies (maybe slightly dramatic). However, my work are so accommodating and I am allowed to WAH and only doing the commute once/twice a week- still awful.

Cel982 · 12/05/2017 22:28

Deciding you're never going to drive after one horrible lesson is very very short-sighted, OP. Unless you live in the middle of a big city, not driving puts huge restrictions on your lifestyle, and that will only be magnified once you have children. Being at home with a small baby can be isolating at the best of times; not having the ability to jump in the car and head off somewhere on a whim will make that so much worse. And when they're older you will be relying on public transport for every school run, birthday party, shopping trip, weekend away...

Honestly, I would urge you to revisit that decision, it's going to affect so much of your life and that of your children for decades to come.

HeyRoly · 12/05/2017 22:33

I understand HATING driving lessons. I did. Crippling anxiety. I've no idea why I persisted - probably the amount of money I'd already spent.

I eventually passed and then didn't drive for a decade. By then I had two children and finally acknowledged that I was making life really difficult for myself.

Switched to an automatic and everything that scared me about driving just disappeared. It's one pedal for stop and one for go. If you could reconsider learning to drive, I'd really recommend an auto.

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