AIBU.. to plan a lengthy commute heavily pregnant?

[m4rdybum]

New member, but always been a lurker on these forums - wasn't sure where the best place to post this would be - and I have no friends with babies/pregnancies who can give me advice.

Me & DH are 90% decided on moving to a town an 1hr away (cheaper house prices, family closer by, love the area). Money is fine and I'm 90% certain I'll get a pay rise (I bloody deserve one) to cover commuting costs, so I can stay at my current job.

The plan is to buy a house in said town and then my DH would like to get a new job and I will commute.

We're both on the cusp of TTC (getting the house is the first priority) but I am really cautious about maternity pay. I'd like to stay where I am so I know I can get it, and also I don't want me be the girl who gets past her 3 month probation at a new job then announces she's pregnant and leaving in 8 months!

This would mean that there's going to be a period of any planned (or unplanned, who the fuck knows) pregnancy that I'll be commuting. The commute is about a 40 min walk to the train station (no buses at that time, leaving house at 5.45am), train at 6.30am to work town, 45 minute walk from station to work - then the same on the way back, but getting a bus home from the station, getting home about 7pm.

We reckon I could get away (depending on timing of said pregnancy) with commuting for 4-6 months before maternity.

BUT, is this even gonna be possible when I'm 6-8 months gone?!

Oh just seen update, I would definitely look into driving again, I don't know how I'd cope without being able to drive with the baby

37 weeks pregnant here and I can barely walk to the toilet.

You will need to return to work if you want enhanced maternity pay. If you aren't returning you'd be better off finding a job closer to your new home and just claiming the SMP or maternity allowance. You'll have to go off at 30 weeks with that commute anyway I'd say so the enhanced may pay will be wasted on you in any case.

Game change you can't be for real that that commute would be worse in the first trimester than the third the first you're tired and sicky, the third is like holy fucking torture in ever cell of your body PLUS exhaustion and nausea.

That's not a sensible commute for anyone long term. 3 hours of walking, and a train. In winter? With bad weather? Pregnant. No no no. Could you cycle/liftshare/cab? id change jobs or look at housing elsewhere.

I'm currently pregnant and, while I wasn't particularly fit beforehand, I've had a really easy pregnancy. No sickness, no SPD, no back ache, nothing. But, the walk to and from my older kids' school is becoming harder and harder (I'm now 33 weeks). It takes about 25 minutes each way (20 if running late!) and before pregnancy it was no bother at all. But now I'm always ready for a sit down when I get home again, and I could have cried the other day when I was on the way home and the secretary rang to let me know one of the kids didn't have something he needed and could I 'just pop it in for him?' I was shattered that day! An even longer walk and I don't think I could cope!

I had a 20 min walk to the station whilst pregnant (drive now as take ds to nursery as well) It was doable although got harder up to about 30 weeks when it just got slower and slower. After two occasions, one when I had to dive into a cafe for an orange juice and one where I sat down on the pavement and dh had to go for the the car both times I gave up and let dh drive me! I think you'll struggle.

I don't think this is possible, I definitely couldn't have managed that much walking when heavily pregnant. You will most likely be tired and if you have SPD or HG then you will really struggle. If the weather is extreme (too hot, really wet, snow) it will make things even worse. If I were you I would

1. Both find jobs in new town. This could also make it easier to secure a mortgage. If you apply for a mortgage on a property in a town that is a considerable commute for both of you a lot of mortgage lenders may choose not to lend. They take the view that the commute isn't practical long term, so all round it's easier to have a job in the town you want to move to first. Not saying this would be an issue but something to bear in mind.
2. Commute to new jobs whilst buying a house.
3. TTC, you could probably do this whilst the house purchase is going through.

If you aren't intending to return to your current role after maternity you would only be entitled to statutory maternity as any enhanced benefits usually have to be repaid if you don't return, so starting a new job first would mean you wouldn't have to be there that long to qualify for the same level of maternity pay.

Game change you can't be for real that that commute would be worse in the first trimester than the third confused the first you're tired and sicky, the third is like holy fucking torture in ever cell of your body PLUS exhaustion and nausea.

Deadly serious, I was nausea & exhaustion free in my third trimester & walking at least 5km a day (initially work commute but then kept it up on maternity leave out of sheer boredom & to walk the dog, right up until 2 weeks overdue). If you already walked a lot and don't have SPD or other horrors to deal with I don't think it's abnormal to be able to walk a good bit in your third trimester whereas in my first I was having to take breaks walking up short flights of stairs because I felt like passing out

Dc 1 I could have done this until I was about 8 months, maybe a little more (minor spd but walking helped)

Dc2 no chance. I couldn't walk more than about five minutes without support from three months and even with support, couldn't do 40 minutes at all from six months on (and it would take a lot longer if I could as far slower than normal!)

If you aren't retuning to work then I assume your mortgage will be calculated on your partners earnings so you could go on early ML? Or leave and find a close job prior to ttc?

Depends on your package though. Enhanced maternity pay always has a clause about "payback" (usually minimum period you have to work before you can resign)

I am a walker. Walked an hour a day (my commute) until 37w with DC1 and the same until 38w with DC2 but that was door to door so half an hour walk each way and it wasn't a breeze towards the end.

I also had easy pregnancies and no issues I tri 1 (both times. Sorry!) but no way would I have been doing that kind of commute.

Get a thermal door curtain and a dehumidifier.

We already have a very heavy curtain over the front door and have tried the dehumidifier - unfortunately the landlord painted over the mold in the bathroom three times so we're never gonna get rid of that.

1. Learn to drive before having the baby.

Really hated my lesson so not going to learn tbh - no point spending all the money for lessons and test to never drive.

As you haven't found a house yet are you sure of the distance. Could you get a smaller house closer to the station.

Yes I see what you mean but the area is pretty compact so I don't think we'd be buying much further than 45 mins away from the station. We're of the thought we'd rather get a three bed to save having the stress of selling later on.

What is your company maternity policy?

Just statutory (it's only a small company) so I don't think I'd need to pay anything back.

Why not move and get a new job, then have a baby? Is there a rush to have a baby right now? How old are you?

I'm 24 and I totally know that it all boils down to moving and waiting - just trying to think if there's anyway around that (which is sensible!).

I'm so ready to have a baby (hellishly broody) and DH mentions it a lot.

I'm getting impatient frustrated because DH is showing no get up and go when it comes to looking for a job and this has been dragging our for almost a year.

No! I did an hour's commute for 10 years. 10 min walk, 30 min train, 20 min walk (couldn't face the tube).
It was exhausting and I was so pleased to give it up and move to a cheaper location and lower paid job.

No chance.

I'm only 25 weeks pregnant and I can barely walk 10 minutes before becoming breathless and due to anaemia (very common in pregnancy) I've been like that since about 17 weeks pregnant. Your plan really wouldn't work.

The train part might be ok, but the walk is a bit excessive.

If you only get statutory maternity leave then I'd personally start looking for a new job in your new town. Reduction in commuting costs makes a surprising difference to your income.

I had a very easy pregnancy and that commute sounds awful. I'd have seriously struggled by the end

I did a similar commute when I was pregnant OP, the walk wasn't quite so long but my pregnancy was good and I managed it fine. When I got to 35 weeks though I took a week off over Christmas and that did it for me, I couldn't do the walk anymore I think I ate too much. I took a bus for a week then spoke to my boss and finished a week earlier than I was going to. If you walk a lot now you may find it easy.

Sorry but I'd say it was definitely too much, not just the walk but travelling on trains etc can be painful! I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant and getting the bus or car anywhere is agony for my back and hips and that's without any conditions like SPD, I have only been this bad for a few weeks so you could always chance it and go on maternity leave as soon as you're 29 weeks 😊

Are you currently living in London (or another big city like Manchester etc) and moving out to a smaller town?
If so, I would seriously think about either you or DP being able to drive. the reality of being not that close to a train station will be very restrictive, especially once a baby comes along.
That commute does sound pretty bad even for a non-pregnant person. What happens if you move and then don't fall pregnant quickly - no guarantees after all. You could be stuck with that commute for a while.
I would honestly apply for jobs in the new town and take the risk that you're not there long before falling pregnant. If you find a nice local job, you're more likely to want to go back part time after maternity leave anyway, so you then wouldn't have to apply for jobs again. If you are definitely planning on working part time after having a baby, it's much easier to go back to the same job (and negotiate part time hours) than be applying for new jobs. Some jobs won't even let you go part time unless you've already been working there full time.
Lots to think about! Good luck with the move!

Vomiting several times a day on first pregnancy no I would not do that commute.
Same again on 2nd pregnancy plus spd from week 28 absolutely no way in hell.
Sorry op you can't predict how good you will feel but that commute would wear out anyone after a while.

Also I was the person who started a job pregnant. Found out the week I was starting after long enough ttc. I wouldn't have looked for a new job pregnant but who knew when we would conceive. It wasn't nice trying to hide the vomiting at work but apart from that it was fine. Such is life plenty of employers have been there but this obviously meant no maternity pay from the employer.

No way. Have you tried the route now. On a cold, rainy, night. Then imagine that every night of the week. Then imagine vomiting whilst you do that for 16-20 weeks.

I did a 2 hr commute when pg, but I only had to walk 5 mins to the station, the rest was train and bus to the office door. It was exhausting. I ended up negotiating working from home and sleeping over at the office, working late and early so I could leave a bit earlier the following day.

No - train ok (I did an hour each way train journey with 10min drive to get to the station and 10 min walk the other end through two pregnancies) but the walking will kill you ( not literally obvs)

Fuck me id die doing that.
I developed SPD at 20 weeks and now at 32 weeks struggle getting myself to the car to drive the 20 minutes to work.

That's an absolutely brutal commute and I couldn't have managed something like that even when I was younger and fitter! Two 45 minute walks before you've even got to work? In the dead of winter when it's freezing and pissing rain and pitch black? No way.

As for pregnancy, I had such severe SPD I could just about manage to hobble from my house to the bus stop, the bus stop to the tube station, and the tube station to work. Even then I had to stop at 35 weeks.

Really hated my lesson so not going to learn tbh - no point spending all the money for lessons and test to never drive.

Don't dismiss something that will make your life massively easier based on one hour ages ago.