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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU.. to plan a lengthy commute heavily pregnant?

99 replies

m4rdybum · 12/05/2017 17:41

New member, but always been a lurker on these forums - wasn't sure where the best place to post this would be - and I have no friends with babies/pregnancies who can give me advice.

Me & DH are 90% decided on moving to a town an 1hr away (cheaper house prices, family closer by, love the area). Money is fine and I'm 90% certain I'll get a pay rise (I bloody deserve one) to cover commuting costs, so I can stay at my current job.

The plan is to buy a house in said town and then my DH would like to get a new job and I will commute.

We're both on the cusp of TTC (getting the house is the first priority) but I am really cautious about maternity pay. I'd like to stay where I am so I know I can get it, and also I don't want me be the girl who gets past her 3 month probation at a new job then announces she's pregnant and leaving in 8 months!

This would mean that there's going to be a period of any planned (or unplanned, who the fuck knows) pregnancy that I'll be commuting. The commute is about a 40 min walk to the train station (no buses at that time, leaving house at 5.45am), train at 6.30am to work town, 45 minute walk from station to work - then the same on the way back, but getting a bus home from the station, getting home about 7pm.

We reckon I could get away (depending on timing of said pregnancy) with commuting for 4-6 months before maternity.

BUT, is this even gonna be possible when I'm 6-8 months gone?!

OP posts:
Original poster
m4rdybum · 12/05/2017 18:04

Move after baby is born

We have thought about this, but it scares me. We live in a tiny one bed flat at the moment, so not much space. It's stupidly cold in the winter (bad gaps in front door, single glazing, no central heating) and we have a problem with mold in the bathroom & our bedroom during the winter.

I also worry about how we could get a mortgage if I'm coming to the end of my maternity with no likely job. I wouldn't be able to go back to full time at my old work, as the child care would make it pointless!

No way & what happens when you go back to work after maternity? Drop offs, pick ups?

The plan would be to get a part time job in the place we move to - I wouldn't commute the same.

Heavily pregnant doing that will suck donkey balls but may not be as awful as doing it in the first tri.

We are hoping we would still be in this flat during the first trimester (DH would commute for a little while to the new town/his new job to take the stress off me commuting pregnant).

OP posts:
FloatyCat · 12/05/2017 18:05

In a word - No.
Do not underestimate how bad a commute like that would be every single day, if you get pregnant that walk would dreadful.

Original poster
m4rdybum · 12/05/2017 18:07

How much could you work from home?

Have also considered this but could only stretch to having one day not in the office. I'm first point of contact for phones receptionist as well as the rest of my job, so would be difficult to do anymore days from home.

OP posts:
DestinationSofa · 12/05/2017 18:07

Can't you drive instead ?

NavyandWhite · 12/05/2017 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
m4rdybum · 12/05/2017 18:09

Can't you drive instead ?

Don't have a driving license. Had one lesson just over a year ago and decided never again - hated it. DH can drive but hasn't since his driving test, and he doesn't like it much either. We don't have a car.

OP posts:
reetgood · 12/05/2017 18:10

Do you drive? What's a car commute like? Can you get a lift to the station/bus at the other end?

That's a heck of a commute, even not pregnant. Do you envisage wanting to return to work?

Applesandpears23 · 12/05/2017 18:12

No I don't think that is manageable at all (sorry).

UndersecretaryofWhimsy · 12/05/2017 18:13

I had a very fit first pregnancy (kept working out right till the end) and NO. A commute of 90mins in the car was completely knackering me out by then. I had to do an increasing number of days from home.

If you can't wfh you would have to go on mat leave early most likely.

reetgood · 12/05/2017 18:13

Cross posted.

I had one lesson when I was 18, and then didn't actually learn until I was in my thirties. I don't love it, but it's useful to do and if you're moving somewhere with limited transport, worth considering.

If you're set on moving, I'd look for a new job and delay trying to conceive. It's just too long a commute.

SaucyJack · 12/05/2017 18:15

Get a thermal door curtain and a dehumidifier. A cold flat will still be more fun than walking for three hours when pregnant.

Cakescakescakes · 12/05/2017 18:18

Also your company will probably require you to repay a whack do your maternity pay (anything above statutory) if you don't go back after your maternity leave.

Jollypirates3 · 12/05/2017 18:19

Cant tell until you are pregnant. Every pregnancy is different. I did a similar journey with my 1st. Minus the trains amd was fine but i had always walked prior to pregnancy. 2nd and 3rd pregmamcy impssible but mainly because i was exhausted looking after the others

Moanyoldcow · 12/05/2017 18:24

Two pieces of advice:

  1. Learn to drive before having the baby.
  2. Do not consider that level of walking.

What if you have a terrible pregnancy? You'll have no idea if this is likely and that walk would mean you just can't actually work.

I didn't drive and my husband informed me that he wasn't getting me pregnant until I could drive - he wasn't quite that strict as I passed my test at 2 months and didn't see the big fuss. I walked or got public transport everywhere and thought he was being a drama queen.

Then I got SPD at 6 months and had to use crutches and then developed high blood pressure and needed monitoring every few days for the last month.

I couldn't walk 10 mins to the station and would have had no way of getting to work of the hospital without the car.

As it was in was then able to work until 8 months because I didn't have to rely on public transport. If I had I'd have had to stop working at 6 months.

You might be fine but the risk if just not worth it.

PotteringAlong · 12/05/2017 18:24

If you're going to do that commute then hate it or not you need to learn to drive. It's not going to be possible when you're very pregnant.

Moanyoldcow · 12/05/2017 18:26

Sorry for typos! Rushing on my crappy phone Blush

Blueroses99 · 12/05/2017 18:27

My walking speed slowed considerably during pregnancy e.g. 5 minute walk to station became 7 minutes so 40% extra time which I had to factor into every walk. I don't think it's sensible to commit to the commute you describe. Move while on maternity leave if you don't want to bring a newborn to your current home.

EdmundCleverClogs · 12/05/2017 18:33

Sorry I agree with others. I didn't even know SPD was a thing before I became pregnant. By the end of my first full term pregnancy though, I couldn't even walk around the shops without needing several sit-downs (and occasional use of crutches). This was with a bus up and back, no walking involved. Even if that doesn't develop, carrying a baby is hard work. A friend of mine went on maternity leave early due to purely being exhausted.

EdmundCleverClogs · 12/05/2017 18:35

Oh, I also had low blood pressure, so I was also trying not to pass out all over the place. Pregnancy is such a magical time....

Dishwashersaurous · 12/05/2017 18:38

Sorry to echo the others, it's the walking rather than the length of journey itself.

Could you drive and park at the station and get a bus at the other end.

kel1493 · 12/05/2017 18:39

That sounds like a hell of a lot. I wouldn't fancy it even not pregnant. I agree, it's the walking that would get to me the most.
Also as someone else said, what will you do after

Dishwashersaurous · 12/05/2017 18:42

As you haven't found a house yet are you sure of the distance. Could you get a smaller house closer to the station.

And yes most places require you go back for a minimum period, sometimes as long as a year otherwise you have to pay back maternity pay

adjsavedmylife · 12/05/2017 18:45

Another no vote I am afraid. Unless you're v lucky you can expect at least one out of pelvic pain, constant nausea/vomiting, extreme tiredness, insomnia. One of these will make your commute grim and you may have more than one. As pp have mentioned there is also the fact that you'll slow down considerably making the route even longer. Just don't do it to yourself.

welshweasel · 12/05/2017 18:47

What is your company maternity policy? It would have to be amazingly generous for me to consider this (and yes, you'll likely have to return to work to get it). Why not move and get a new job, then have a baby? Is there a rush to have a baby right now? How old are you?

DontFundHate · 12/05/2017 18:53

Absolutely not.

Would you even get full mat pay if you didn't return?