Husband's nights out....

[OrangeGiraffeBlackSpots]

I feel very tired and tearful so not sure if I'm being U...

We have a spirited 4yo and a 7mo baby.

I go out about once a month for a meal once the kids are asleep to a pub a 15 min walk away.

My husband goes out less but when he does it's a 3pm till 1am drinking session on a Saturday normally. He still pulls his weight the next day.

He's arranged to meet friends in a pub for food and watch the football tonight. Pub is in a different town that's not particularly easy to get to by public transport. 20 min drive or two trains / bus and a train. Football starts at 8pm.

This last week has been tough. 7mo hasn't been sleeping and I'm exhausted.

I've asked dh if he'll help me get kids to bed (or at least get 4yo to bed) then head out about 7pm. Ample time to get there for 8pm.

He wants to leave much earlier (5:30ish) to get a table etc. It's always him who arrives early to save a table (read the paper, enjoy a pint in peace, get out of bedtime etc).

I've asked him if one of the boys he is meeting (both single, no kids) can for once be the ones who get there early. He won't ask them.

AIBU for being annoyed about this?

He'll be relaxing in the pub while I'm struggling with a new bedtime routine for two children after a hard week of very little sleep.

If you were asking him to miss some of his pre arranged night out I'd think you were being unreasonable since you have said he doesn't go out often. But asking him to stay and help for an extra little while rather than sitting in a pub alone, I don't think you are being unreasonable. I think he should stay and help.

All I know is that if my Dh was feeling sick, exhausted and shaky I wouldn't be rushing off in a night out, I would be asking what I could do to help. It's called caring for the one you love.

I'm going to get shot for this... but I don't think the having a hotel when DC1 is a month old is taking the easy way out instead of getting up at 5.30am

In this case I would have suggested DH got a hotel... everyone knows training courses are hard to stay awake for even with a full nights sleep. That is without a newborn keeping him up all hours of the night anyway.

confused he didn't have a newborn keeping him up all night!

I did.

He was in a bedroom all by himself sleeping peacefully.

Sorry Orange but you did not specify that when you mentioned the hotel thing

confused he didn't have a newborn keeping him up all night!

I did

I don't see the issue with the hotel either, he's working to provide housing etc for his family. If he needs to go to a conference/training day he needs to be alert and awake. I too would have suggested he get a hotel the night before too so as to avoid being awoken by a newborn.

As surely he would have been kept awake if he had been at home and not in a hotel room by himself?

Regarding hotel point, it irked as I get up 5:30 every morning (when I'm not on ML) to get into the city before 7am.

The night away in the hotel was to socialise etc. He actually went out on the piss with various colleagues and rolled back to his room in the early hours based on various FB posts. He'd have had more sleep staying home!

Our house is large, I was in one room with newborn. He was in another room on the floor above. His sleep wasn't disturbed.

Anyway, I guess I got off track from my AIBU. As I've said, he'll go out tonight, I'll suck it up and we'll have a discussion regarding our parenting split / me feeling trapped etc.

Thanks all

YABU.. obviously. You have to put your kids to bed for one night by yourself, unless I'm missing something.

YANBU. I wouldn't ask my DH to go out later, but he would do it anyway if I was as exhausted and low as you are at the moment.
It won't hurt him to go out an hour and a half later.

Well was going to say YABU, it's one night out etc!
But thinking about it, if my boyfriend knew I was struggling. I really don't think he'd go and I wouldn't have to ask him to stay.

Tomorrow send him out with the dc, to the park or for a walk Op. And get a few hours sleep! And he does bath/bed time tomorrow night, while you sit and relax/watch tv.
Does he help through the night at all?

The best compromise would of been him looking after the kids for a few hours earlier in the day so you could have a couple of hours rest and then him go out as planned but obviously too late for that now.

To be honest, I put our toddler DD1, and baby DD2 to bed most nights, on my own, whilst feeling shattered (there's only 53 weeks between them).

It was rare for DH to be home before 8pm as he was working & building his new business.

I think you've said your DH is typically very good and hands-on - and this is just one night where you have to do bedtime on your own.

Oooh OP hope its' going OK this evening and bedtime is going smoothly.

Just to say I completely understand how you feel. You're happy to facilitate your DH going out but it's been a rubbish week since you agreed to it and you just need a bit more help.

YANBU

To be honest, I put our toddler DD1, and baby DD2 to bed most nights, on my own, whilst feeling shattered (there's only 53 weeks between them)

Well yes, 19 months between my 2 and DH worked away Mon-Fri. But if he was at home and I was on my knees with exhaustion he would have helped no question, even if it meant him missing 1.5 hours of a night out sitting on his own with a drink and reading the paper