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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To request dd does not do her "detention "

74 replies

TheoriginalLEM · 11/05/2017 20:53

That she may not even gave.

My dd is in y7 and a conscientious student very shy . The big issue is she is severely dyslexic. She gets good support for this in school and has additional tuition from a dyslexia tutor. She has actually done amazingly well considering and i am SO proud of her.

So this week her homework was to revise for a spelling test in Spanish. She didn't want me to help but asked her tutor if they could use the session to go through it and they made a flash card game to do. She also "revised" last night although she could probably use help but she gets very streesed so i let her do it herself.

So despite putting in the effort her score was predictably low and she only got 3 out of 20 something. She also thinks she may have been confused as she said she feels she rebised the wrong words.

So they had to read their scores out to the class but dd was too embarrassed and refused - she said her teacher was understanding and didn't push her (as i say dd is a conscientious child and wasn't being difficult just mortified and upset).

I wonder if the general level wasn't great as her teacher has said that those who achieved under 10 will have to repeat the test during break after the next lesson.

Now i asked dd if she clarified with her teacher that she would have to do this but she said she was too upset to ask.

Dd was distraight as she just wanted to do well and says she is rubbish at Spanish. I explained that her dyslexia will make languages really hard for her and tgat maybe she shouldn't worry too much as she can drop the subject in yr 9 (i think) but to just do her best but accept that it wont be her strongest subject in any way. that she is brilliant at other things and that through sheer determination English is actually her strongest subject. But i can see how trying to learn another language that doesn't follow the same rules as English would be ridiculously difficult for someone who is dyslexic.

I have emailed the teacher explaining that she did do her homework and used her tuition session to learn the words, the confusion over the list and to ask that she be excused from the detention. I have said i am happy to go through the correct list with her at home.

I don't want to use dyslexia as a get out clause but i feel it is unfair and really bad for dd's self esteem to be penalised for it.

as i said the school have been very supportive of dd and she has several interventions to help her. She also is able to use a word processor as her hand writing is illegible. So she may not even have to go but i want to reassure dd she isn't in trouble.

I can however appreciate how it might cause difficulties for the teacher if she is seen to let one pupiil off.

OP posts:

MrsDustyBusty · 11/05/2017 21:07

Would she want you to do this? Would she feel like it would make her stand out?

Original poster

TheoriginalLEM · 11/05/2017 21:10

To be fsir she didn't want me to at first but then she decided that she wanted me to. i think ot is more that she doesn't want her teacher to think she didn't try and i actually am pretty sure she would be understanding i want dd to be reassured that she isn't "in trouble " but yes you make a fair point.

OP posts:

RedSkyAtNight · 11/05/2017 21:13

That doesn't sound like a detention - more encouraging the DC who didn't do so well to have another go? I'd see it the same as going to extra support sessions after school, for example.

MrsDustyBusty · 11/05/2017 21:13

Well what about a word to the teacher about how she feels but not asking for her to not do the test again? That way she can know that the teacher is OK with it and the other kids notice nothing?

Sleepdeprivedredhead · 11/05/2017 21:17

That's not a detention OP. That's an additional shot at the learning. The teacher is prepared to put in extra here. This is not a punishment. Don't frame it as one.

Original poster

TheoriginalLEM · 11/05/2017 21:22

That is why i put detention in quote marks. You are right that it is additional support but i honestly think that in this instance it will be of little use to DD as her dyslexia is severe and i think she could relearn the words 20 times she wont retain them.

I have emailed the teacher and will of course support whatever she suggests.

This is not a criticism of her teacher in any way.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheoriginalLEM · 11/05/2017 21:25

if it had been anybother subject i would have said she should repeat the test but she is never going to be a linguist. Pushing her to do it is hardly empowering.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 11/05/2017 21:27

it isnt a detention
she is getting a chance to retake the test

SuperPug · 11/05/2017 21:27

Reading the results out is a bit off...
Standard practise in my current school and good for learning if she can understand where she went wrong . I understand it's different in your DD's case and could Learning Support help?

smilingmind · 11/05/2017 21:32

When my dd with severe dyslexia was at schoo,l over 15, years ago she didn't have to learn a foreign language.
We were told that this was normal for those with dyslexia.

Goldmandra · 11/05/2017 21:39

I would contact the head of year or whoever else is appropriate and ask that she is allowed to drop Spanish in favour of some learning support to manage her dyslexia at those times.

You DD is clearly finding the subject distressing and overwhelming and she was humiliated by the practice of having to read out results.

lifetothefull · 11/05/2017 21:40

Learning another language is not ridiculously difficult for a person who is dyslexic, only learning to spell in that language. Don't put her off languages on this basis. They should be reasonably accessible with the right way of learning. Speaking and listening she should be fine. Even reading should be not too bad as everyone is only expected to read a small amount.

TheGentleMoose · 11/05/2017 21:41

Yep. Dyslexic here and I was excused from foreign languages too [bit pointless as I speak four fluently, but anyway]

MOIST · 11/05/2017 21:43

I had this with DD1. After the umpteenth 'detention'/support lesson I pointed out that as the poor kid couldn't spell in English the chances of her learning to spell in French were slim and to please stop putting her through the humiliation and stress of weekly failure. I may have been less polite

Original poster

TheoriginalLEM · 11/05/2017 21:45

it isn't a detention she is getting another chance to take the test

No. She is getting set up to fail again

OP posts:

Fink · 11/05/2017 21:45

As a former MFL teacher, I think it's unfair of you to write off your dd as a non-linguist just because she's dyslexic. She may never be brilliant at writing but there are plenty of severe dyslexics I have taught who enjoy languages and are able to acquire some degree of competence in them. The British Dyslexia Association has information on MFL for people with dyslexia.

Iggi999 · 11/05/2017 21:47

Resitting a test at break time (unless you wanted to do it) is of course seen as a punishment by any student. Spellings tests for dyslexic students are demotivating enough without being in a foreign language.

As a teacher I wouldn't deal with it this way - it's also unlikely her dyslexia has been forgotten if she uses a laptop in class.

Cornishware · 11/05/2017 21:50

As a dyslexic I have a lot of sympathy for your daughter. There is little point in redoing a test that she has already worked at. That said after thinking I would never learn a foreign language I ended up living abroad a couple of years ago and managed to do this. She needs to focus on speaking not spelling. She is going to stand out, but she can learn to make the system work better for her. Good luck to you both.

Original poster

TheoriginalLEM · 11/05/2017 21:51

Gold i may well have that conversation. She has intervention that takes her out of one of her favourite lessons, unfortunate but timetabling is what it is. They don't take them out of core subjects though and i assume languages are core? Might be worth asking though.

She just can't seem to grasp it at all, even speaking and listening and she gets so upset.

She is actually quite bright but lacks confidence and gets very dowm on herself. It is heart breaking to here your child tell you she feels useless 😢

OP posts:

Unode50 · 11/05/2017 21:52

As an MFL teacher I wouldn't ask pupils to redo at break but would maybe only give 5/10 mins class time. One of my friends is great at languages but is dyslexic. She finds writing in Spanish easier than in English as when you know how to pronounce the letters, the words are almost always spelled how they sound.

Original poster

TheoriginalLEM · 11/05/2017 21:57

Thanks fink i will look at that. She has expressed an interest in Italian as she is going to italy with the school next year. I just honestly think that this horse is well and truly dead.

OP posts:

Lapinlapin · 11/05/2017 21:59

I'd also like to say that I've known several dyslexic students who were very good at speaking the language. One even ended up pretty good at writing too, through sheer hard work. I still remember how delighted she was once to get nearly full marks on a vocab test, beating most of her classmates! When they are all beginners there's a bit more of a level playing field in that everyone will make mistakes so your daughter really is unlikely to stand out too much.

If she's very shy, then obviously she'll feel extra self-conscious, but I'd definitely still encourage her to approach it positively. Normally I'd say writing is important, but actually for her maybe a focus on speaking and listening would help. Maybe try an app like duolingo? If she could feel a bit more confident about speaking it, then she won't be as embarrassed if she's called upon to answer questions in class. No one will see her written work other than the teacher! Confidence is key, so work on that with her if you can.

Littledrummergirl · 11/05/2017 22:00

Ds2 is dyslexic. At one parents evening his French teacher told us that he really needed to work on his spellings as he didn't seem to be getting it at all. I actually laughed in her face and pointed out that he struggled enough with this in English it was really unlikely to have happened in French.

He dropped the subject yr9, I don't know who was more relieved him or the teacher.

I don't really have much advise other than it does get better.

FrogsLegs31 · 11/05/2017 22:04

A sure fire way to fail at something is to believe (or be told by your mum) that you can't possibly succeed before you even start.

"Quite bright but lacks confidence and is quite down on herself"

HostaFireAndIce · 11/05/2017 22:08

If you genuinely think that she can't get better than 3/20 in a vocabulary test, then you need to try and get her out of doing Spanish at all, not out of a retest. If she doesn't know any vocabulary, there is no way that continuing with these language lessons is going to do anything other than destroy her confidence and make her miserable. I would concentrate on that issue rather than the matter of this retest.

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