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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner, pub, baby...

62 replies

whoru · 11/05/2017 12:40

My PFB is just under 3 weeks old. My partner works away (overnights) at least 2/3 of our lives. Partner has just asked (in front of his friend to leave no room for discussion Hmm) whether I mind if he 'goes out for a beer' (aka goes out and gets so drunk I wouldn't allow him in our house) next Wednesday (he's away at least 2/3 nights before then. Not that he helps at night but does in evenings and morning ngs. He regularly goes to the pub after work anyway and has done several times since the baby arrived.

AIBU to think it's a bit bloody rich to leave me for yet another 24hr+ period to facilitate his drink dependency habit.

I haven't said anything I'm mulling it over. I just told him to certainty not bother getting a late train home as he is/can be an abusive, unpleasant drunk.

OP posts:
BitchQueen90 · 11/05/2017 12:45

YANBU but why do you want to be with someone who drinks excessively and is
abusive when drunk?

Is he an alcoholic? Presumably he doesn't want to quit. Sounds like an arsehole to me.

FloatyCat · 11/05/2017 12:46

Answer - "I'd prefer it if you stayed home and helped with the baby tonight thanks."
Doesn't sound great though tbh op.

user1493022461 · 11/05/2017 12:47

You live with and have a baby with an abusive drunk...don't you think you have bigger problems than one night in the pub.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 11/05/2017 12:48

I don't see what you're getting out of a relationship with a man who is never around and is abusive to you.

Smeaton · 11/05/2017 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nelipotter · 11/05/2017 12:50

Well, AIBU is going to be the wrong sort of place for the support you are after. Flowers for you. You are not BU.

But seriously, look out, MN is especially aggressive today...

troodiedoo · 11/05/2017 12:53

Please re read what you've written, then think why are you with this man?

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 11/05/2017 12:56

You can do better love

IDontLoveGlitterGlitterLovesMe · 11/05/2017 12:57

My partner works away (overnights) at least 2/3 of our lives.

How long has he been working away? Has it been this way since you met him?
Is there any possibility of this changing?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 11/05/2017 12:59

No offence meant but could you be the ow?

TheGentleMoose · 11/05/2017 13:02

My partner works away (overnights) at least 2/3 of our lives

As does mine. Mine also goes out and has a few drinks on occasion (we don't have a baby yet).

However, he doesn't put me in a position where I feel I am unable to so no to him doing so, and he has never been abusive.

I don't think the going out is the real issue here OP

TheGentleMoose · 11/05/2017 13:03

Should add my partner now goes out and drinks soft drinks as he's given up alcohol for 2017.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/05/2017 13:08

Sorry is this a joke? What are you doing with this dick? Tell him to go out, have a good time and take all of his belonging as they don't need to be cluttering up your home seeing as he won't be living there anymore.

Nanny0gg · 11/05/2017 13:10

Of course he can go out.

Wish him well, pack his stuff and tell him where to pick it up.

And that the CSA will be in touch...

seafoodeatit · 11/05/2017 13:12

YANBU but you are allowing him to do it, it's very worrying that you find him abusive when he is drunk which seems to happen frequently. This is not a healthy to treat his body or his partner and is not sustainable. You need to have a serious conversation with him about this because it shouldn't be considered acceptable.

haveacupoftea · 11/05/2017 13:15

No no no no no NO

He shouldn't be at the pub when you have a new baby

He shouldn't ever be abusive drunk or not

LTB - he may as well not be there anyway.

Twat.

haveacupoftea · 11/05/2017 13:16

The twat comment was for him btw not you. I'm sure you're lovely Flowers and deserve much better.

Original poster
whoru · 11/05/2017 13:18

No I'm definitely not the other woman. He's a sailor (they are all as bad as each other).

If I said no I don't want you to go he wouldn't. But that's what I'm not sure is reasonable.

The thing is I'm quite happy here with the baby on my own, but it makes me feel sad (as it always does) that he wants to drink and become this sullen, depressing mess when he's such a lovely guy and has so much going for him.

He can be a nasty drunk. So he keeps his drinking time well away from me. I am not being abused. Maybe his drinking will break us up one day, maybe it won't.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 11/05/2017 13:29

he thing is I'm quite happy here with the baby on my own, but it makes me feel sad (as it always does) that he wants to drink and become this sullen, depressing mess when he's such a lovely guy and has so much going for him.

Well that sounds like a perfect recipe for raising a family.

What are you doing OP?

EezerGoode · 11/05/2017 13:30

I had a friend in yr situation .twins and a baby.i often saw her struggling with 24 cans of beer in a box under her double buggy and a hours walk home...he dumped her in the end..said she was too boring as she wouldn't get drunk with him..he's got another child with another woman.and they both get drunk together...my friend is much happier as a single mum...more money as well.

WomblingThree · 11/05/2017 14:11

He didn't suddenly turn into an arsehole did he. Why did you think having a baby with him was a good idea?

Original poster
whoru · 11/05/2017 14:12

Uhh I definitely don't struggle lug his drink around with my baby Hmm. I'm very well looked after by him. He doesn't drink at home and wouldn't dream of making any such request.

He has these nights out once every couple of months/month... he's really not a sodden alcoholic - this is not a ltb situation. But I'm glad(?) to see the consensus is that in this context is IANBU. I doubt I will tell him not to go but we have since posting had a little chat and I told him how it made me feel/he offered not to go etc. I don't like to feel like I'm dictating to him.... that would be a very hollow victory! I do wish he didn't have this inexplicable lust to drink until he can't remember anything though Confused

It's just sad that's what he would rather do, when he's away so much already, but we aren't going to die about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
whoru · 11/05/2017 14:13

MN called him an arsehole, not me Hmm

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 11/05/2017 14:14

Did you know this guy was a loser before you got pregnant?

Original poster
whoru · 11/05/2017 14:15

Nanny what would you like me to do? Stuff the baby back up my fanny? Whether or not my relationship is viable was not my question.

OP posts:
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