Partner, pub, baby...

[whoru]

My PFB is just under 3 weeks old. My partner works away (overnights) at least 2/3 of our lives. Partner has just asked (in front of his friend to leave no room for discussion ) whether I mind if he 'goes out for a beer' (aka goes out and gets so drunk I wouldn't allow him in our house) next Wednesday (he's away at least 2/3 nights before then. Not that he helps at night but does in evenings and morning ngs. He regularly goes to the pub after work anyway and has done several times since the baby arrived.

AIBU to think it's a bit bloody rich to leave me for yet another 24hr+ period to facilitate his drink dependency habit.

I haven't said anything I'm mulling it over. I just told him to certainty not bother getting a late train home as he is/can be an abusive, unpleasant drunk.

notangelina , she had a baby with him because he 'looks after' and 'provides' for her and her baby. That makes up for the abusive drunken behaviour, obviously.

Tell him that's fine, if he will look after the babe while you go out to a bar with your girlfriends on Thursday.

I can't think why he might would prefer to be out with his mates when he's not away?!

Once a month or two he goes out on a bender with his mates, I really can't see the problem if it's as infrequently as she says.

Jeez ladies, get off her back!

OP, YANBU but I don't think you are an abused woman with a car crash of a relationship either! My OH likes a drink as well and he has pulled the trick of asking in front of his friends once or twice too. That, I think is the issue here, and what you were asking.

I think you would have been within your rights to say 'I don't want to be a killjoy but I would appreciate some help with the baby tonight (or whenever) actually'.

You are right, it is sad that he doesn't want to spend the time with you, but don't take it as a personal slight - like I said, my OH is a drinker (it is a symptom of his depression) and annoying (but not abusive) when he is drunk. I don't think he actively prefers drinking over spending time as a family, he just feels like he needs to do it to deal with life and blow off steam. (he is working on this with a therapist btw, so hopefully not forever).

Mumsnet is very quick to suggest LTB but none of us exist in a perfect relationship and we all have a cross to bear. This is yours, and I sympathise - maybe you could have a deep and meaningful and try to get him to see how much it bothers you? Good luck.

What the actual hell have I just read?

It started off with OP saying how her husband is abusive when drunk and then her sticking up for what an amazing man he is

Make your mind up love

I find it odd that an adult would ask another adult for permission to go out. Agree, consult, arrange, discuss etc yes, but actually asking permission, surely not?

I think it's reasonable for a man go go out for a drink with his friends when his DC is 4 weeks old, assuming the partner is willing, fit and capable to care for the child.

I don't think it's ever reasonable for a person to be an abusive, aggressive drunk, regardless of their family situation.

niknok69

Netmums is that way luv.

Well, that escalated quickly.

Side note:

Hunni?

Chick xxxxxxx??

I feel violated!

Also vomiting at influx of twee

Off topic but 'AssumptionsOfThePastaPeople' would be an ace username. Too long tho prob

Am gobsmacked that you chose to have a child with a man who drinks himself in to oblivion and becomes abusive and nasty when he's had a few too many and yet when people point out that he's a dick head which is basically what you said in your OP you get angry at pp's and start saying how wonderful and amazing he is well fuck me an angry alcoholic arsehole isn't wonderful or amazing. But if you see no problem with spending your life with someone like that and spending nights on your because he's pissed off down the pub then crack on love but I can guarantee you will be back on here in a few months time complaining about the same thing. You came here asking people's opinions you got them you didn't like it so now your spitting your dummy out.

Nanny what would you like me to do? Stuff the baby back up my fanny? Whether or not my relationship is viable was not my question.

No. As you're in effect a single mother, you might as well be one.

And sometimes you don't know you're asking the question till you get the answer.