N/c .. Oh god where do I start. So ive had an issue with dh lately, we have been together for over 3 years, living together for 2 married for 18month.
Here's some back story, sorry this is long really don't want to drip feed
After we lived together for about 6 month ( around
Our wedding )we started becoming very lax with contraception, and used the pulling out method. We knew this wasn't very effective but we felt stable enough that it wouldn't be a problem if something was to happen and we were married after all it wouldn't be the craziest.
Lately our circumstances have changed financially and I wasn't happy anymore with if an accident was to happen. I went on the pill and every one I tried was stopping my period with other pills having strong side effects. The stopped periods were more stressful than the pulling out method all together.
I finally had enough and said we would have to move to condoms for the near future until I can adjust my cycle back to normal and work out better contraception. He wasn't that happy about it but I was kind of like tough shit and so we moved on.
At first they worked fine no problems at all. Then it started becoming a problem and he would lose his erection. I was very patient and we would do other things instead. He then started getting more annoyed at the condoms saying "he can't feel anything at all". I thought he was just being stubborn and waiting for me to go fine we will just pull out again, I stood my ground we bought different types and brands in case that was the issue but no.
One time during sex he pulled the condom off and I didn't realise, he told me like 5 seconds later and I made him stop and I told him I wasn't happy at all, he was joking around and not taking it serious.
He thinks because pulling out worked so well it's fine, I've said it's not worth the risk at this point in our lives, and said he is being a huge baby about it.
The condom issue got worse and worse to the point I was dreading initiating sex, he had already stopped initiating it all together which was making me feel pretty shit tbh, every time I even tried he'd make excuses or moan, it was a lot of rejection. I explained to him that it was making me feel insecure and that we used to use condoms all the time and I don't see the problem, he said he understood and didnt want me to be upset and he would try harder to fix it.
So here we are tonight, we got in bed, he had left our heating on and the bedroom was so hot so I put the fan on, I said am just going to cool down then we could start initiating something, he grunted or something and was already in a shitty mood and acting pretty miserable. He was dozing and I shook him awake and said like heyyy kind of thing, he starts his whole show the rolling the eyes, snapped like 5 times he was sleeping, I said like yeah sorry I know if you want to sleep we can just go back to sleep. Then he goes on no its fine i suppose.
So then we get to it the whole time rolling his eyes sighing clearing not enjoying it at all, I said if you're not enjoying it we can stop he snaps "I just can't feel anything" then rambles on how I woke him up and he's pissed off. This has been building up for weeks and I am now full on feeling like shit about myself.
He's not giving me a solution of what we can try and I start getting upset.
He snaps that I'm being unstable and crazy and trying to start a fight.
Then a huge fight starts and it's one of them that stops being a fight about anything and just goes on and on and spirals, I'm very much trying to keep it about the issue and he just goes off on one.
I've noticed whenever I get upset or annoyed about something he will belittle it and dismiss it " oh you're annoyed again you're always annoyed " he kept saying that nothing was ever my fault in my head. He ties me in so many knots that I get confused and I don't even know what I'm thinking any longer.
Whenever I said something he would then kind of twist it and then reflect exactly what I just said back to me and it's confused me so much.
I've found myself being careful at what I react to and just ignoring him a lot to not provoke any more of a fight, I have been easily annoyed in the past and opinionated but I have really tried to change that and now I still feel like even a built up reaction which I believe has reason he judges and belittles. I don't know what to do, it's all so confusing and muddled
How do I solve this?