To think a good friend wouldn't do this to my husband?

[LivingOnTheLedge]

Sorry very outing thread so the obligatory name change.

I have a new friend of about a year through school. We've gotten on very well (felt like I'd known her for years)but there's been a few little red flags over the months-which when I had gotten to know her family and husband well I had a couple of concerns about her versions of stuff she's told me.

I have trust issues and dh has had form in the past for an affair. We had counselling and it's taken a long time for us to rebuild our trust and our family lives back. It will never be what it was but we are together.

My dh and I don't have many friends who are couples and we've been away on couples weekends together. They both like to get very drunk- with her very social dh egging on dh to drink (which he seldom does) anyway the last time we went away I stayed sober as I was driving & my friend confided to me that she's had many friends' husbands make passes at her in the past which makes her wary of becoming friends with other couples (hmmmkay) she swore me to secrecy and told me that if her dh found out he'd be apoplectic with rage.

The following day when we got back she got hammered again when we went to their home and grabbed my dh by the crotch and made joking references to his penis. When I told her in the kitchen that I didn't find what she did funny she responded with "it's my house I can do what I like!"

When challenged I asked her to come to my home the following week and I'd do the same to her husband-she told me I'd have to do it over her cold dead body

She's completely ghosted me now. Is still in contact with all out mutual friends.

I thought we were really good friends I'm very hurt-no least because she owes me quite a bit of money too.

AIBU to think frankly she was a shit friend and I'm well rid? I'm just trying to convince myself. I'm really cross that my dh didn't say anything too.

What a lunatic. Well rid. You'll never see that money again either.

Er she's not friend. Don't see her again.

She sexually assaulted your husband. Why do you give a fuck?

Yeah, she's a shit friend, but you still need to make the point that she owes you money and you still want it back!
Your DH has had time to get over any shock and needs to speak up now.
I hate deluded women like this!

Jay because I feel really let down. I've found it hard to make friends here and it's not easy for me

She sounds lovely. We'll rid! Life's too short to hang around with nasty drunks.
I'd politely ask for your money back when you see her at school - maybe in earshot of other friends? Might shame her into paying up.

I've known all of my friends husbands for 15-20 years and there is no way on earth that I would ever do that to one of them, I wouldn't even do that to my own husband in front of people. She was completely out of order and is no friend of yours.

grabbed my dh by the crotch and made joking references to his penis

For me that would be enough to end a friendship, grabbing anyone by the crotch is NOT acceptable and it's not acceptable to do it to a friends dh.

She can fuck off, you are honestly better off without a friend like that

Well rid, I meant!

I would turn up at her house and demand the money and then block her on everything.

She is not a friend. She is a sexually abusive bully.

I know I couldn't agree more. Dh thinks I'm over reacting

Thank you. Ugh. Grim.
I have no intention of continuing the relationship

I just haven't found it easy.

I'd write off that money. It's not worth the headache. What was your and her husband's reactions to her crotch grabbing?

Sick. I'm shocked your husband thinks your overreacting though. Didn't he feel violated?

I don't think you have any right at all to be any bit annoyed at your husband - she sexually assaulted him and he could report her for what she did.

As for your 'friend' - she's clearly unhinged. You need to stay away from her. I'd write off the money.

Well she sounds like a proper weirdo. She's not going to give you uour money and it sounds like she is the one making the passes. Just brush yourself off and move on.

Oh and if it was a man who had grabbed a woman by the crotch and made jokes about her vagina, you can imagine the outcry, particularly if he justified it by saying it was his home and as such he had the right to do what he wished to them in his own home.

Yes had considered over the weekend to forget about the money.

The reaction -well he didn't seem that bothered -laughed,looked embarrassed-her husband roared with laughter - so just me then. Looking like the happy air thief

She's not your friend but she's easily rid. I'd be more concerned about your husband thinking her behaviour was acceptable. If he's happy for her to do that in front of you then you have to wonder what he'd allow if you weren't there.

You don't have "trust issues", you have an untrustworthy husband and you know it.

If a friend grabbed my husbands crotch there would be no debate or even a second thought on whether she is still a friend.

That's disgusting.

If a friend of your husband had assaulted you, would your husband be worried about losing that friend?

But sparrow
If someone lunged at me and grabbed me between the legs-I'd not sit around whilst they laughed. I'd kick that person straight in the flaps and leave.

Hilda-yes I'm rather inclined to agree.

How much does she owe you? Do you have proof she borrowed the money eg texts asking for it, bank exchanges?

You are well rid.

I would be tempted to send her a letter/email/text letting her know that she owes you £££ and if she doesn't pay within 14 days you will be pursuing the debt through the Small Claims Court. And you could also add that your H is considering if he wants to report her for sexual assault.

I would make sure all her other 'friends' were warned about her too.