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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a good friend wouldn't do this to my husband?

71 replies

LivingOnTheLedge · 08/05/2017 12:04

Sorry very outing thread so the obligatory name change.

I have a new friend of about a year through school. We've gotten on very well (felt like I'd known her for years)but there's been a few little red flags over the months-which when I had gotten to know her family and husband well I had a couple of concerns about her versions of stuff she's told me.

I have trust issues and dh has had form in the past for an affair. We had counselling and it's taken a long time for us to rebuild our trust and our family lives back. It will never be what it was but we are together.

My dh and I don't have many friends who are couples and we've been away on couples weekends together. They both like to get very drunk- with her very social dh egging on dh to drink (which he seldom does) anyway the last time we went away I stayed sober as I was driving & my friend confided to me that she's had many friends' husbands make passes at her in the past which makes her wary of becoming friends with other couples (hmmmkay) she swore me to secrecy and told me that if her dh found out he'd be apoplectic with rage.

The following day when we got back she got hammered again when we went to their home and grabbed my dh by the crotch and made joking references to his penis. When I told her in the kitchen that I didn't find what she did funny she responded with "it's my house I can do what I like!"

When challenged I asked her to come to my home the following week and I'd do the same to her husband-she told me I'd have to do it over her cold dead body Hmm

She's completely ghosted me now. Is still in contact with all out mutual friends.

I thought we were really good friends I'm very hurt-no least because she owes me quite a bit of money too.

AIBU to think frankly she was a shit friend and I'm well rid? I'm just trying to convince myself. I'm really cross that my dh didn't say anything too.

OP posts:
rightwhine · 08/05/2017 12:22

Can you get the money through the DH or threats of? It sounds as if she's wary of him finding things out from what you say.
Blackmail may be the only way of getting the money out of her.
She is no friend but you shoukd get that money back.

Pinkheart5917 · 08/05/2017 12:22

The reaction -well he didn't seem that bothered -laughed,looked embarrassed

Well someone grabbing his crouch and talking about his cock probably took him by surprise and when taken by surprise we don't always act as others think we should so I see nothing wrong with his reaction tbh.

Fl0ellafunbags · 08/05/2017 12:22

Nuts, you've had a lucky escape.

I had a friend who was incredibly attention seeking and dramatic. She decided her husband was having an affair with someone (no evidence) and asked me to get my husband to install spyware on her husband's phone. I refused. She kicked off and said that all men who work away are having affairs. My husband works away, which she knew, so I told her to get a grip and stop trying to stir shit. She had sworn me to secrecy (they always do) then went round our friendship group in hysterical tears telling everyone what a bitch I'd been. I said nothing because I didn't want abuse for betraying her confidence. She's now Mrs Popular and I'm in the cold. She'll show her true colours again at some point, no one can keep up the act forever. Incidentally the alleged OW is a friend of a friend and my mutual friend says there is no way on earth that she would ever go there.

kissmethere · 08/05/2017 12:25

She's a loon! Sorry I don't see in your post about her owing you money?
I'd have lamped her if she did that to my DH.

SemiNormal · 08/05/2017 12:26

She is disgusting. You are well rid. If someone grabbed me by the crotch without invitation I'd be down the police station within minutes. He should report her.

SheldonsSpot · 08/05/2017 12:30

All these friends husbands have made passes at her because she's made it clear she's up for it.

Ditch her, and if any of your mutual friends ask what's gone on, explain to them exactly what she said about friends husbands making passes at her, and how she sexually assaulted your husband.

Guiltypleasures001 · 08/05/2017 12:30

Maybe she engineered the situation, so as not to have to pay you back

kissmethere · 08/05/2017 12:33

Sorry I see it now. I'd definitely be getting the money from her one way or another (threats if exposing her behaviour)
Maybe she has form for this and has used this as a way of getting out of paying you back.

Original poster
LivingOnTheLedge · 08/05/2017 12:34

He's not reporting her and I think he's going out with her dh for a curry in a couple of weeks.

I want nothing to do with her.

Never lend what you couldn't afford to lose my Nanna used to say. It's quite a bit of money but this had never been an issue before (she'd lent me when I forget cards etc)

I don't want anything to do with her. She appears to have a very high turnover of friends and told me her versions for the reasons why.

You are right- I'm well rid.

OP posts:
GahBuggerit · 08/05/2017 12:34

Im not that surprised at your DH's reaction, IME men get embarrassed when sexually assaulted in this way as they aren't supposed to be bothered by it (obvs NAMALT)

You are well rid definitely. Her and her H sound vile and "Wayhey I'm mad, me" urgh.......

MrsFloppy · 08/05/2017 12:35

If I grabbed another mans crotch dh would seriously think twice about our marriage.

If someone grabs dh's crotch they'd get such a mouthful it would be very clear the friendship was dead.

If someone grabbed my crotch they'd be picking up their teeth from the floor.

You aren't over reacting.

We have a couple of groups of friends that we get pretty drunk with and nothing like this has ever happened.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/05/2017 12:38

She is trouble, and your well rid of her, if you weren't, I would have told you to ditch her now!

Original poster
LivingOnTheLedge · 08/05/2017 12:38

Sheldon -I rather came to that conclusion too.

Hmmm I wonder about threatening to tell her dh about all those me throwing themselves at her (she named a couple of names too)

OP posts:
GretchenFranklin · 08/05/2017 12:40

Get your DH to ask her DH for the money.

Disgusting behaviour, you are not overreacting.

VestalVirgin · 08/05/2017 12:40

I'd get rid of her.

Your husband can make his own choices about whether to accuse her of sexual assault, but she either sexually assaulted him, or tried to make a pass on him, depending on how you want to look at it, and that's both horrible behaviour.

Especially after she complained to you about men doing the exact same thing to her, so she clearly knows it is wrong. Confused

TheMysteriousJackelope · 08/05/2017 12:43

Don't threaten her with anything, she has no sense of boundaries and you suspect she is a liar, that could backfire spectacularly on you.

If the money rankles send her a letter asking her to send you a check or pay it into your bank account, otherwise, you are right, avoid her like the plague.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 08/05/2017 12:57

Ask for the money back. You haven't asked for it yet and she hasn't refused yet.

If she's a bit away with the fairys, the passes from husbands could all be fictional.

If the cash is a no show by curry night, get your DH to ask her DH.

SarcasmMode · 08/05/2017 13:08

Uh why would anyone do this?

Her husband laughing just makes it clear how much he values her too.

DH would be disgusted in me if I did that. If someone done that to me he'd probably punch them and he's definitely not prone to violence.

Get DH to ask for the money from her DH.

Original poster
LivingOnTheLedge · 08/05/2017 13:14

I know right Sarcasm?

I felt like I was in some weird Twilight - I was in the monitory.

Odd.
I've text asking for the money back but won't go down the threatening court/telling her dh about her claims.

Did get a response claiming to be incredibly busy -so busy, so depressed-so many problems with her older children. Erm, she's been out on the piss the last few weekends and has clearly forgotten she posts all her exlpoits on social media
Hashtag blessed. Grin

Hashtag fuck off!

OP posts:
SarcasmMode · 08/05/2017 13:19

Better off rid.

They are either swingers or don't like each other much. Either way - too much hassle.

Hissy · 08/05/2017 14:00

Go round there one night and go and GET the money and be loud about it and the fact she grabbed your H cock.

Fuck her.

Hissy · 08/05/2017 14:01

She has utterly banked on you being weak and spineless wrt the money and your H

and yes, your H should be more outraged and should be talking to her H about it at the very least.

Hissy · 08/05/2017 14:05

spineless was too strong, sorry. I apologise

She saw you as no threat whatsoever and knows that you are not the kind of person to kick up a fuss. You to her are an easy target, your H too but for different reasons.

How much £ does she owe? tens or hundreds? If 10s then your H can say to her H that he can get paid back from the money his DW owes yours...

Your H really ought to be distancing himself from her H too, they are trouble.

RhiWrites · 08/05/2017 14:06

Ask your H to get the cash from his friend during their piss up.

Also ask him if he'd think it was cool if his mate had grabbed your crotch.

Original poster
LivingOnTheLedge · 08/05/2017 14:10

That's fine Hissy.
Thing is she knows I'm quite fiery and actually I doubt she'd think I was weak given what history she knows about me.

I did ask dh how comfortable he'd feel if her dh had grabbed me between the legs and he said that his reaction would depend upon how I would have reacted Confused

I've told him that they're trouble

He's a grown man, I cannot force him not to see either of them- they are never setting foot inside my home though- my house, I can do what I like Wink

OP posts:
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